• dating donts

Dating Don’ts: 7 Things You Should Never Post On His Facebook Page

Dating Don'ts: Bad Ending
You shouldn't do these things if the relationship ended badly. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Bad Advice
The most unhelpful dating advice Ami ever received. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »

You’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks, and—SCORE—he finally made it official! And, more importantly, you’re finally Facebook friends. But don’t get too excited—this doesn’t mean you can give social media etiquette the shaft.  I’ve seen it happen far too many times: A girlfriend becomes intoxicated by her newfound Facebook relationships, and one month in, she’s posting her deepest feelings all over her new beaus’ wall. Not only is it beyond cringe-worthy to see (really, I don’t need or care to know every course of your romantic Valentine’s Day dinner), but it’s also doing her a disservice.  Most of my friends are wise enough not to be that obsessive, over-eager girl when it comes to calling, texting and clinging—at least in the early stages of the relationship—yet when it comes to Facebook, that goes completely out the window, and they end up being that girl anyway. Before you let loose on his wall and end up the same, read below on seven things not to do or post when it comes to his digital world. Keep reading »

4 Reasons Why “It Will Be Different With Me” Syndrome Is Dangerous

John And Katy?
Katy Perry and John Mayer
John Mayer has slithered on to Katy Perry. Read More »
The Other Woman
Thoughts on having been the other woman. Read More »

Remember that hot guy in high school who dated every girl in his class, despite treating every one of them like crap?  Why was this possible? Because women suffer from It Will Be Different With Me Syndrome. Sadly, it’s usually never different.  Men aren’t rocket science. In fact, they are like The Weather Channel.  You can predict fairly accurately what weather lay ahead, based on their past behavior.

The type of men that lie, cheat, or are guilty of general douchebaggery come with a track record. Other women warn you to stay away, his friends tell you about his sordid past, and yet, you’ll convince yourself that you and you alone are up to the challenge of taming him.

There are times when our hopes and beliefs contradict all available evidence and can actually hurt us. Simply wanting someone to be an awesome guy doesn’t make him an awesome guy.  Just ask Katy Perry. Despite all evidence that John Mayer is one of Hollywood’s biggest love-em-and-leave-em type of guys, she’s convinced herself he’ll be different with her.  I hope she likes her love life discussed intimately on Twitter, or on the pages of Playboy, because that’s what she has to look forward to. It won’t be different with Katy. Just ask Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, or Minka Kelly. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Be Switzerland

Dating Don'ts: Bad Ending
You shouldn't do these things if the relationship ended badly. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Kisses
Women fear these types of first kisses. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »

My relationship has hit a roadblock. This roadblock may be like a piece of highway shrapnel that we need to swerve around or it might be more like the Berlin Wall, which would take radical change to make fall. I don’t know yet. If it’s the latter, I’d better take up graffiti art. And I call West Berlin, obvs.

I don’t want to go into detail about the impasse my guy and I are at because it’s über-complicated (isn’t it always?) and because I’m a private person sometimes (despite being a blogger). And because I’m taking a radical approach to conflict resolution.

Last week I was out with one of my best friends. He’s been with his husband for 15 years now, so he knows a lot about this “making relationships last” stuff. I told him about the issues we were dealing with and expressed being torn over the future — not knowing whether to have hope and fight or stop trying altogether.  He responded with the most genius bit of advice ever (and you know how much I dislike relationship advice): “Just be Switzerland,” he told me. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Things You’re Not Allowed To Do If Things Ended Badly

Dating Don'ts: Overreacting
You are probably overreacting to these things. Read More »
Dating Don'ts:Dumped
The only piece of advice you need to avoid getting dumped. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »

Last week, I got an email from someone who said he was referred to me by W*, a guy I went on a few dates with a couple of years ago. Backstory on W: on either our third or fourth date (I can’t remember), he invited me to his place to cook dinner for me. Not going to go into too much detail, but W was a shitbird from the moment I took off my coat. At one point, we got into a heated debate about our literary tastes and he threw a book of poetry at me (not violently, but still!) and told me to read something worth my while. I told him to go fuck himself (in more flowery language), put my coat back on and hightailed it out of there. The next day he sent me an email and admitted to being “stressed about something else” and “not at his best.” I replied with a “fair enough” and we never spoke again. In my mind, we were not on good terms. We were on “let’s never talk again” terms. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Things You’re Probably Overreacting About

Dating Don'ts:Dumped
The only piece of advice you need to avoid getting dumped. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »

In the early stages of dating, decoding and deciphering signals can be the hardest part. What’s his normal behavior? What’s his I really like you behavior? What’s his I’m about to ghost you behavior? It’s all a bit murky when you’re not familiar with a person’s normal modus operandi. And it creates a perfect storm (no intentional reference to Frankenstorm, which is raging right now) for daters who love to overanalyze everything. I would know nothing about that.

Disclaimer before I go any further here: if the person you’re dating does something that doesn’t sit well with you on a gut level, don’t ignore that. For example, one time I was dating this guy who yelled at me and told I was embarrassing him when I gave him a kiss in front of his friends. A peck on the lips, no tongue, mind you. I was like, “Well, I understand that we all have different levels of comfort with PDA, but BYE.” That was a no-brainer. It wasn’t going to work. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Get Dumped

Dating Don'ts: Bad Advice
The most unhelpful dating advice Ami ever received. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »
Dating Don'ts: He's Back!
Why you should be wary when you hear from him unexpectedly. Read More »

I believe I’ve made it clear how I feel about relationship advice. Mostly, I find it utterly unhelpful. I think that relationships are so complicated and personal, that advice is not one person fits all. I especially hate gimmicky, quick-fix relationship advice that’s like “The Magic Thing That Will Get You Married In 364 Days!” WORST! The only brand of dating advice I can stomach is the kind that’s empowering. And when I stumble upon it, I share it with you.

Last week, I had coffee with a good friend. We both started dating new guys we met online on the exact same day. (Weird, right?) That was a few months ago, and both relationships are still on and popping. During our coffee session, one of the things we talked about was how we both were having persistent, irrational anxiety about our relationships suddenly ending. Our shades of anxiety were a bit different. Mine has been taking the form of a recurring fear of being dumped out-of-the-blue. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Turn Down A Second Date (Even If The First One Kind Of Sucked)

Dating Don'ts: Bad Advice
The most unhelpful dating advice Ami ever received. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Canceling
Don't cancel plans this way. Read More »

I was just talking to a friend about her new, amazing, best-sex-ever relationship. She said her first date with her now girlfriend was awful. They had nothing to talk about and it was awkward as hell.

“Why did you go out again?” I asked.

“We had already planned a second date before the first. It was a fluke,” she explained.

Now my friend is having the best sex of her life, something she wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t given this woman a second chance.

When I first moved to New York City, I dated pretty heavily. Wait. Heavily is the wrong word — that implies getting in deep, right? I dated many different guys. But I only went out with one of them more than once.

How is that even possible? Looking back, I see that since I only went out with them once, they were fundamentally the same exact guy — First Date Guy. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 7 Of The Most Unhelpful Pieces Of Dating Advice I Ever Received

Dating Don'ts: Canceling
Don't cancel plans this way. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Morning
Don't screw everything up the morning after. Read More »

I’ve only been off the market for two months and already, the dating world is like a bad, distant memory I want to put in a shoe box and hide under my bed.

I have to ask myself, Am I being melodramatic? Was it really that bad? When I distill it down, there was really one thing that made dating unbearable: other people’s advice.

Because dating can be overwhelming, confusing and wrought with powerful emotions, our instinct is often to seek counsel outside of ourselves. But trying to apply other people’s advice, even advice given by professionals, to our dating lives, which are extremely personal, is like walking around in a pair of shoes that don’t fit. You’re going to get blisters. The best thing anyone could have told me to do was figure out what was best for me and do that. If only I had been following my own gut, I might have had a better time dating.

Below are some of the most unhelpful pieces of dating advice I’ve ever received … Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Cancel Plans

Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Love
There are certain times when "I love you" doesn't count. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »

One time, a guy I had been dating for more than a month canceled our Saturday night date, calling an hour before we were supposed to meet, telling me that he was “itching all over.” I’m putting that phrase in quotes because that is exactly what he said. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried. I followed this up with the normal questions a person would ask:

Did you see the doctor?

Are you running a fever?

Are you having an allergic reaction to something? Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 8 Money Habits You Shouldn’t Be Cool With

Dating Don'ts: Love
There are certain times when "I love you" doesn't count. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »

The Beatles had it right when they crooned “Money can’t buy me love.” For sure. It’s impossible to put a price tag on the important things in relationships. BUT … if  opening his wallet to buy you a drink throws your date into an existential crisis, there’s a problem.

Now that I’m and “adult” and living on my own, I’m forced to come to grips with what it takes to be financially responsible for myself. Meaning, I prioritize my car payment and rent over the many cute new outfits that I would like to buy. And to be honest, I’m finding that it isn’t such a difficult concept to grasp. So what is it, then, with the guys I end up dating? Every man I’ve been out with lately has a dysfunctional relationship with his wallet: cheapskates, millionaires, and the down-and-out and broke. It’s getting to be annoying. Keep reading »

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