Have you ever gotten a gift so ugly, so utterly not you, that you can’t even fake a kind response? That’s how I felt opening a box that contained the silver-plated, faux-turquoise-encrusted bracelet my then boyfriend gifted me one Christmas.
“Santa Fe fake?” I asked, slipping it over my hand, and removing it before it could turn my wrist green. I could tell that he was a little hurt, but c’mon. I had fire engine red hair and a pierced nose. He may as well have given me a beige mu-mu and a hairnet.
How does that old adage go? ‘Tis better to give than to receive? Generally, I disagree with this sentiment (after all, who doesn’t like presents?), but in that particular case it rang true. Gift giving and receiving introduces a whole new element of tension in even the most established relationships. Will it fit her? Do you think it’ll cover his bald spot? So I’m here to help you negotiate this treacherous terrain by making sure you don’t do the wrong thing. Keep reading »
Last week, we covered how to avoid being a bad heartbreaker, so this week we’ll tackle the other side of things. Coincidentally, it’s a side of dating I’m far more familiar with: how to accept being dumped with dignity.
Just as there are myriad ways to screw up breaking someone’s heart, the possibilities for botching a “getting-broken-up-with” are limitless. Here are some behaviors to avoid so you won’t compound your heartache with a total loss of self respect. Keep reading »
There are two sides to almost every breakup — the dumper and the dumpee. (Sorry, I don’t buy those “mutual” decision splits. I’m sure they happen, but they’re as rare as a fat cell on Madonna’s rear end, so they don’t count.) While it’s ideal when both sides leave the relationship with dignity, it’s much easier to be the Gracious Ex when you’re the dumper. After all, it was your bright idea to break up. You’ve had time to wrap your head around it, and really, who are you kidding? You probably have a replacement lined up already. So, we’re going to start with you, the breaker-upper, because your list of “How Not to Be” is a lot shorter. Without further adieu, you definitely should not … Keep reading »
The unthinkable has happened. He asked you out. The only guys who renders you speechless. The guy so smart, handsome and unbelievably hot you can do little more than blush and stutter in his presence. And now you’re going out with him. Tomorrow. Hooray?
Your friends think it’s cute that you’re in such a panic, but you can’t see any humor in the situation. Not only do you have to lose ten pounds, grow an extra cup size and somehow talk your mousey mop into looking like Jennifer Aniston’s—you have to do it all by tomorrow. Oh, and you should probably also think about regaining your powers of speech. What to wear? What to smell like? What to do?
Okay, I can’t really help you with that, but here are a few things you definitely shouldn’t do, after the jump… Keep reading »
Don’t you just hate the type of person who smugly informs you, “I don’t watch TV,” like that’s something to be proud of? They think they’re so great with all their fancy book learning. What they don’t realize is that TV isn’t for dummies—there’s tons of educational programming available—you just need to know what to watch. I mean, you can learn your ABC’s with “Sesame Street”’s Grover, how to make gnocchi with Mario Batali, and the ins and outs of prettying up your home with any number of programs on HGTV.
Television is also a great romance resource. Think of all the great TV twosomes we’ve seen over the years—Lucy & Ricky Ricardo,
Judy Jane & George Jetson, Speidi…but not all TV personalities set such a sincerely loving example. It’s also a good place to learn which type of guy you should avoid. A few examples, after the jump… Keep reading »
If you were to follow every rule (and not just The Rules) that have been written about dating, you’d be too confused to actually ever go out on any dates. So-called sexperts and relationship gurus are constantly contradicting both themselves and each other— Should you call him? How long do you wait to engage in frisky relations? Is a “MOM” tattoo a valid dealbreaker? Ask a dozen experts, get a dozen different answers.
However, there are one or two rules that everyone seems to agree on. Generally acknowledged as common knowledge, these are things that pretty much all the experts agree that you should follow like the law. Except, they’re wrong. Keep reading »
I’m going to come right out and cop to this—I have been dumped more times than I can count. You’d think that after the 5,234th time, I’d be a tad more resilient, but nah. I have mourned certain dead relationships for longer than they went on in the first place and made an idiot of myself over men so patently unworthy, it’s a wonder I haven’t had my feminist card revoked. Lucky for everyone within sobbing distance, I haven’t been dumped in a while, but as a public service I figured I’d share my mistakes so you can learn from them, after the jump… Keep reading »
Have you ever just not been in the mood to go out on yet another first date, but force yourself to do it anyway? You talk yourself into it, reasoning, “What if he’s the one and instead of meeting him, I stayed home to eat cereal out of the box and watch ‘Gossip Girl’?” So, being a trooper, you slap on some lipstick and head out. And then nine times out of ten, the whole evening turns out to be an exercise in humiliation and/or futility and you come home more miserable than you were beforehand.
That’s because while it can be fun, dating can also be brutal. To be at all successful you have to be at the top of your game. Do you think Serena Williams sits around drinking milkshakes and watching reality TV the week before Wimbledon? No. She trains, stretches, meditates and makes certain her cutest tennis whites are clean. Keep reading »
Everybody has a “type.” Personally, I like a man with a big schnozz — bonus points if he’s got a collection of acne scars a lá Tommy Lee Jones. My pal Annie likes preppy men — but only after they’ve gone to seed and become a little bloated in the process. Suzanne has a weakness for thin Japanese guys who like indie rock music, while Maddy adores bike messengers of all shapes and sizes.
But there are certain types of guys who should be nobody‘s type. These guys are distinguished by one thing — an overabundance of one or more very bad qualities. Your guide to boys to avoid, after the jump… Keep reading »