Tag Archives: dating donts

Dating Don’ts: 7 Times When “I Love You” Doesn’t Count

Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Girlproof!
Girlproofing your apartment is very important. Read More »

The phrase “I love you” — despite endless debates about who should say it first and how often it should be said — only holds as much significance as the person saying it assigns to the phrase. Yes, say it if you feel like it and not because you expect to hear it in return. We’d never begrudge anyone the wonderfulness of falling in love and screaming it from the mountaintops. But because so much importance has been placed on such a little phrase, the extra pressure only increases our probability of fucking it up. We’ve all said “I love you” at the wrong times, for the wrong reasons and wished for a do-over. Oh, the potential that phrase has to make things so, so awkward, especially in a new relationship. Don’t beat yourself up. Accidental “I love yous” happen all the time. Don’t let three little words blurted out at an inopportune moment ruin the good thing you have going on. After the jump, seven instances when “I love you” doesn’t count … unless you want it to.
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Dating Don’ts: If You’re Injured, Get Off The Field

Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Girlproof!
Girlproofing your apartment is very important. Read More »

Disclaimer: I am not a sports person, so please pardon my fumbling attempt at sports metaphors but … if you are injured, get off the playing field. I am not actually talking about sports, obviously, although I think it might be football season because all my guy friends have disappeared. But this is a dating column. So … the sport of DATING! It’s brutal! This weekend, one of my best friends got dumped, out-of-the-blue, by a girl she had been dating rather seriously for a couple of months. Of course, I was pissed because she’s my friend and how dare anyone dump her because she’s fabulous. But I was specifically pissed about why she was dumped.

The reason for this unexpected dumping was because “things were headed in a serious direction” and the woman she was dating “couldn’t handle anything serious right now.” BIGGEST EYE ROLL EVER. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Approach Exclusivity

Dating Don'ts: Not Your Ex
The new guy is not your ex. Read More »
Not Quite Exclusive
Here are some types of pre-exclusive relationships. Read More »
Dating Don'ts:Girlproofing
Girlproofing your apartment is very important. Read More »

You know that stupid saying, “assuming makes an ass of you and me”? I hate that saying, it’s annoying, but in the case of dating, it’s true. You may be having omigodtheverybesttimeofyourlife dating this new and wonderful creature. You may be spending every weekend at his place and making stupid shmoopy eyes at each other over dinner and playing tonsil hockey in the park like teenagers, but that DOES NOT make him your boo. At least not until you’ve discussed it and have both agreed upon the terms of service for your relationship.

How do I know this? Oh, because I’ve made this mistake before. Too many times. The first time I made it was when I was 18. I went away for the summer after my freshman year of college, assuming that the letters and packages and emails my dude sent me meant we were in a serious, committed relationship. It did to me — but not to him. When I came back to town in the fall — actually, before the fall because I missed him so much — he abruptly left me for the girl who lived across the hall. She wore striped knee socks and played the guitar. I would watch him come over to visit her through my peephole. It was awful. She later became a famous rock star and dumped him. Oh, KARMA. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: He’s Not Your Ex

Dating Don'ts: Dumb Adages
These love adages are stupid. Ignore them. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Ghosting
Thou shalt not ghost your love interests. Read More »

This past weekend, I had brunch with a single guy friend and, as I tend to do when I’m in these situations, I took advantage of the opportunity to ask him questions about dating.

“So, what’s the your least favorite thing about dating?” I asked.

“When I’m on a dates, I hate when women project their dating history onto me,” he replied.

“You mean like they talk about their baggage?”

“No,” he said, “But it’s like I can tell who’s sat in the chair before me by they way they act.” Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: The Importance Of Girlproofing

Dating Don'ts: Dumb Adages
These love adages are stupid. Ignore them. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Kisses
Women fear these types of first kisses. Read More »

As parents must safeguard their homes against the presence of a toddler, so must single men prepare their apartments for the company of a woman. This process is called girlproofing. I must give credit where credit is due here. It was the great John DeVore of “Mind of Man” fame who coined the term. He once told me that he refused to let a woman he liked into his apartment until it was properly “girlproofed.” John DeVore is a wise man. For he understands that if a woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable at his place, she’s probably never coming back. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Love Adages NOT To Live By

Dating Don'ts: Kisses
Women fear these types of first kisses. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Baggage
We all have it. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: He's Back!
Why you should be wary when you hear from him unexpectedly. Read More »

One of the more annoying things about dating is being given unsolicited advice by the smug couples of the world, the most offensive kind being played out platitudes about love. Thanks. I’m sure “my time will come” but when? How? At least say something helpful if you’re going to shove your advice down my throat. And by the way, just because I’m not currently in love doesn’t mean I’ve never experienced it before. I have, thank you very much. And here’s what I learned from my experiences: Falling in love is a wonderful, mystical, magical thing, but it’s complicated and nuanced and rare. Every time you fall in love it’s as unique as a snowflake, so it’s absolutely impossible to generalize with some stale old saying. I humbly request a ban on the following love adages on the grounds that they’re stupid and untrue. Oh, and I give you permission to close your ears the next time you hear these phrases … Keep reading »

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