Tag Archives: dating donts

Dating Don’ts: How To Handle Rejection In Dating

Like conducting a job search, online dating is an exercise in patience, compatibility, and, sometimes, rejection. It’s not romantic, but to a certain degree, the search for a suitable partner is not unlike the job hunt. You use the internet to varying degrees of success, clicking and writing emails and then clicking some more, and sometimes, if the cards are in your favor and the stars align, you end up meeting a stranger in a public setting and make awkward small talk while wearing shoes that pinch your toes and more makeup than you would for a Tuesday. When it’s over, you’re euphoric or despondent, alternating between mapping out a future for yourself or envisioning waiting for an email that never arrives. You follow up, you wait, things usually don’t pan out. When you do find success, you realize that it came the way most things in life happen — organically, through people you know. Matched with destiny, your future trips happily towards the light.

This is the best case scenario, a situation that everybody assures you will happen, regardless of how dire it all looks. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Should You Unfriend Your Ex?

Dating Don’ts: Should You Unfriend Your Ex?

There’s a perverse pleasure in keeping tabs on your ex-paramours on social media. Perhaps you monitor their Twitter feed before you to go bed to see if you can gauge whether there was a more salacious reason behind their sudden decision to end things. Maybe after a couple glasses of wine and watching half of “The Notebook,” you find yourself scrolling through Instagram, making assessments about whether or not the person that showed up in their feed is a friend, a good coworker, or a cousin you never knew about. Maybe seeing the articles that they share from Upworthy and the Onion in your Facebook feed is a way of keeping them in your life, if even for a little while.

Whatever your reasons are, the need to keep up with people that you’re no longer involved with is very real, a secret shame that we don’t often feel comfortable talking about with others. It’s okay to maintain this behavior up until a certain point, but in every broken relationship’s wake, there comes a point when it’s time to unfriend, unfollow, block, and mute, to completely and totally DISCONNECT. Ripping off the Band-Aid sucks, but it’s necessary when you’re trapped in an unhealthy cycle of speculation three months or three years after you guys have ended things. But when is the appropriate time? Here are some potential situations you might find yourself in, and some gentle guidance on when and how to disconnect. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 5 Scenarios In Which It Is Totally Okay To Ghost

Dating Don'ts: 5 Scenarios In Which It Is Totally Okay To Ghost
Dating Don'ts: Ghosting
Thou shalt not ghost your love interests. Read More »

My best friend went on a date with a man who seemed fine at first — they sat at a neighborhood bar and talked for hours. They went on a second date, but this time, the dude tried every trick in the book to get her to come to his place and have sex. She refused his offer, and tried to leave it be, but three days later, when she was visiting me from out of town, she showed me the text he sent, asking her in a very straightforward manner whether or not she was interested, or if her lack of communication was the hint that he needed.

“You have two options here,” I told her. “Write back with a one word answer, or just don’t respond.”

“I have to say something,” she said. “I can’t just ignore this.”

“Just ghost on him, dude,” I told her. “It’s easy.”

When is it appropriate to ghost? Some may say never, that each person deserves the courtesy of hearing directly that you’re not interested in them, but please, take a moment to think about how many times you’ve been ghosted, specifically how sometimes it was fine and sometimes it wasn’t. It goes both ways. Here are some common dating situations in which it’s perfectly fine to ghost. Keep reading »

Dater X: Three Strikes, You’re Out

Dater X: Three Strikes, You're Out

Last week, I went on my first date with Jack, the young publicist I met through work. And after I tell you all what occurred on that date, I’m confident you will understand why my first date with Jack was also our last.

After taking the initiative to ask Jack out, I figured I’d let him take the reins and plan our first date. We agreed to get together after work and didn’t have a game plan, so we decided to just play it by ear. He met me by the steps of the New York City Public Library and was as cute as I remembered, but slightly younger looking (which was probably just my subconscious reminding me that I was a cradle robber). He suggested we go grab some coffee and then maybe a bite to eat afterwards, depending on how we felt. On our walk to get caffeinated, he said, “I’m glad you asked me out. I like seeing a proactive woman who isn’t afraid to make the first move.”  We were off to a great start. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 5 Possible Outcomes Of Defining The Relationship

Dating Don'ts: 5 Possible Outcomes Of Defining The Relationship

Nobody handles The Talk very well. Usually, it’s a stilted affair, capable of rendering even the most confidently grown to their pre-teen self, stuttering and drawing circles in the condensation left by their wineglass, assiduously avoiding eye contact. Defining the relationship, or DTR, if you’re of the ilk that favors cutesy acronyms, is a necessary evil, but something that not a single soul is very good at. The nature of modern dating is such that the traditional markers of what make a relationship real change every day and it can seem like there’s a decided lack of stability. It’s not as easy as getting someone’s letterman jacket and walking down Main Street to the soda fountain anymore. The way we date now easily lends itself to shirking real commitment. First dates in the traditional sense are replaced by weird group outings in which you attempt to get to know someone you made goopy eyes with at a bar while surrounded by a buffer three people deep, including his friends from college and that dude at work, Josh. It’s a honest miracle that anyone even makes it to The Talk, because the obstacle course that stands between you and a relationship is harrowing.

The fun doesn’t end once you’ve actually sat down and faced the person of your intent, with all your emotions out on the table. The kind of relationship you can neatly explain to your mom in a hastily composed text message is a thing of the past. It makes sense that the end result of a nebulous and frankly, confusing wooing process, is also difficult to pin down. With that in mind, here are some possible results of the dreaded Talk. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: On Not Losing Yourself In Your Relationship

Dating Don’ts: On Not Losing Yourself In Your Relationship

The other day, my friend and I got into a discussion about whether or not it was appropriate to use a picture of her and her boyfriend as the lock screen on her phone.

“It’s a cute picture, but I feel weird,” she told me. “I don’t know if I should keep it up.”

“Do whatever you want,” I said. “I personally have never done that, but hey, what do I know?”

She thought about it for a while, and then chatted me an hour later. “I took it down. It felt creepy.” Keep reading »

Dater X: We’ve Got A Stage-Five Clinger, Folks

Dater X: We've Got A Stage-Five Clinger, Folks

Like everybody else in America, I decided to jump on the World Cup bandwagon last week and headed to a bar after work to catch a game with friends. When one of my girlfriends showed up with a few of her co-workers, I noticed  that I’d caught the eye of one of her colleagues. Well over six feet tall, he was muscular, well-dressed and had a nice smile, but I wouldn’t say I was necessarily attracted to him. After very obviously staring at me and not at the TV for the next 30 minutes, Ken headed my way and started making small talk. He seemed funny, nice and attentive, so when he gave me his number at the end of the game, I intended on shooting him a text the next day, and maybe even going out on a date with him if things continued to go well. Spoiler: they did not. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Is It Really So Bad To Photoshop Your Online Dating Profile Pic?

Dating Don'ts: Is It Really So Bad To Photoshop Your Online Dating Profile Pic?
Honest Dating Profile
honesty on ok cupid
This is what happens when you make an honest OK Cupid profile. Read More »

I got into an debate with my friend the other day about a topic that I never thought I’d have to discuss — photoshopping your online dating profile picture. She’s a recent adopter of OKCupid, and is what I would consider a power user, actively pursuing suitors, sending messages and going on countless dates, that swing wildly between enthralling and depressing.

“You know,” she told me one day over Gchat, “I Photoshop my profile picture.” She seemed unfazed by this admission, and took my shock and awe in stride.

“Isn’t that … dishonest? Isn’t that defeating the point?!” I asked.

“Eh … not really,” she wrote back. “Isn’t everybody lying, anyway?” Keep reading »

Dating Donts: Let’s Talk About The Rules

Sex Rules To Break
These sex rules are not worth following. Read More »
FWB Rules
Want a fuck buddy? Follow these six rules to ensure it's a success! Read More »
Dating Donts: Let’s Talk About The Rules

I was sitting with a couple of smart women that I respect when the subject of dating came up, as it tends to do. “I read The Rules, and it changed my life,” one friend told me, in complete earnestness. “I swear by The Rules. They really work.”

I was taken aback, and for good reason. I’m a generation behind The Rules’ target demo. Twenty years ago, when this book was first published, I was in middle school, when “dating” meant writing about someone in your dream journal and holding hands. As my dating life developed, any mention of The Rules felt laughable, like an ancient relic from a never-seen “Sex And The City” episode, something the girls would discuss over cosmos at Buddakan.

“Aren’t they old-fashioned and sexist, and you know, stupid?” I asked. My other friend interjected. “Seriously, they’re great,” she said. “Trust me.” Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: How To Juggle Dating Multiple People At The Same Time

Dating Don'ts: How To Juggle Dating Multiple People At The Same Time

There comes a time in everybody’s dating career when your dance card suddenly becomes fuller than you know what to do with. One day, you’re swiping sullenly through Tinder bemoaning the lack of attractive, normal-seeming men that are possibly as tall as they say they are in their profiles, and the next, you find yourself drafting a spreadsheet to keep track of the nine dates that you have somehow booked for one week. Dating karma is like that. Like all things in life, your dating life will ebb and flow. Years of Sahara-like drought will give way to a summer full of eternal possibility, teeming with tapas dates and dinner dates and beach dates galore. One day, you’ll wake up in a daze, and find yourself with a bucket full of eligible, decent, good dudes, all clamoring for your attention.

“How could I possibly date two people, or even three people, when handling one person was too much?” you ask yourself as you scroll thru your texts one lazy Sunday. “How could it be that the universe is handing me such a Herculean task?”

Keep this in mind, dear reader. This embarrassment of riches is your prize for enduring countless shitty dates and rebuffing the advances of grody bros in I-banker loafers who are too drunk to see straight while you’re waiting in line for the bathroom. If you ever, ever feel bad about dating more than one person, remind yourself that if you were a dude, this behavior would be second nature.  This is unfamiliar territory, and it is perfectly natural to have questions. Let me assuage your concerns. Here are a few tips and tricks for juggling two people — or more! — at once. Keep reading »

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