Tag Archives: dating column

Sex & The Show-Me State: Explaining My Sudden Absence

Perhaps you’ve noticed the absence of my column, “Sex & the Show Me State,” here at The Frisky over the last few months. Or maybe you haven’t. For the sake of my ego, I don’t really want to know. What you may want to know, however, is why I’ve been absent. The simple answer is that it’s really hard to write a column about sex when you’re not having any. The more complicated answer—though, admittedly, an easier cop-out—is that my city is to blame. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: Happy, Finally, To Be Truly Single

The last time I went on a date was a month ago and it was decidedly “meh.” I deleted my profile off OKCupid because I was sick of getting new messages from guys who were, at best “meh,” at worst psychotic/illiterate/pervy. To be honest, for the first time since my breakup, I have been enjoying being single. And I don’t mean single as in “I’m dating lots of guys and going out all the time like Samantha from ‘Sex and the City,’ woo-hoo!” I mean I am single and enjoying my alone time. I’m having dinner with friends, catching up on movies I’ve missed (I think I am the last of Blockbuster’s customers), riding my bike, and starting up yoga again. Next month I’m going on a yoga/surf retreat in Costa Rica for a week, and when given the option between coed or an all-women retreat, I went with the latter. Coed shouted two things to me — couples (blech) and single dudes looking to show off their shredding abilities. The latter would normally kind of turn me on, but like I said, MEH. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: Maybe I Wasn’t Ready For This

I have a confession to make. I hate dating. Except for when I love it, and I only love it fleetingly, before my insecurities set in and I start to go cuh-razy. In those fleeting moments I think to myself, “This is great! I’m young, I’m unattached, and there’s an attractive person sitting across from me who I may or may not make out with later.” And then later, after we have or have not made out, the wheels start turning, and I begin to wait for the inevitable letdown that, as cynical as this may sound, I assume is right around the corner. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: My Last Bite Of Chicken Parm

“Tiggers should not date Eeyores,” DeVore said. “Tiggers can date Piglets, Piglets can date Pooh Bears, Pooh Bears can date Eeyores. Piglets and Roos can date, but Pooh Bears and Tiggers cannot.”

”The last few times we saw each other, we didn’t have sex. Considering we hadn’t seen much of each other, this was totally unacceptable. When we did see each other, we had fun — when we weren’t talking about the multitude of things that were making him feel “meh.” John DeVore referred to him as Eeyore.

“Tiggers should not date Eeyores,” DeVore advised. “Tiggers can date Piglets, Piglets can date Pooh Bears, Pooh Bears can date Eeyores. Piglets and Roos can date, but Pooh Bears and Tiggers cannot.”

“OH MY GOD, SO TRUE!” I exclaimed. Now where the f**k is my Piglet?

The other thing that ended it was sparking with someone else. Things with the Sneakerhead could end tomorrow – nothing surprises me these days – but the point is, I am sparking! Spark, spark, spark! With another person! Even as time distances me from my breakup, I wonder if I could meet someone to have that special bond with again. Sparks remind me that I can.

When I told Chick Parm that I thought we should just be friends, he responded, “I agree.”

You agree? That was too easy! It’s not that I expected a fight, but he had been such a limp noodle, such a wet blanket for the last few weeks, nay, months, that I thought he would be as mopey at the prospect of our oh-so-comfortable relationship changing. Wasn’t this supposed to be the moment when he had an epiphany and realized how insanely awesome I am? That I was kick ass? That he would never have a better roasted chicken with brussel sprouts in his life? But Simcha set me straight.

“Amelia,” she said. “He’s been along for the ride since the beginning. Why would you expect anything different?”

Dating Amelia: Kissing, Control Issues, & The Sneakerhead

Last week I had a new OK Cupid date, this time with someone who fit my type. You see, I have a type that I wish were my type: guys in plaid, guys who are sensitive, guys who look like they’d be friends with Ryan Gosling, guys who are over 5’9″. And then I have my real type: the guy who I’m inexplicably drawn to and drawn to me, too. This type of guy is dark-haired, under 5’9″, and extremely confident.

This latest guy (let’s call him the Sneakerhead) fit my type to a T, but he had some bonus features: a cool sneaker collection (you can tell a lot about a guy by his shoes), a good tan (a product of his half-Argentinian ancestry), he was a hip-hop fan, and he wears glasses. Oh, and he has a tattoo. And he doesn’t have a doughboy body. He’s my real type, plus perfection. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: Is My Busted Engagement A Problem For You?

I never thought I would be in the position of dating with a broken engagement under my belt. I hope to never have another. As I’ve started dating again, I’ve had to think about how honest I want to be about my prior relationship history. So, how honest do I want to be? Totally.

At first, I thought that I had been engaged might work in my favor. Men are inclined to assume a woman is more interested in something serious than they are, that women want more from men than they’re ready to give. After all, women are always a little further ahead on the marriage path, aren’t they? But I was engaged and dumped. I’m newly single. Therefore, I must project a “just looking to have fun and meet new people” vibe, right?

Apparently not. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested

To be honest, I haven’t been in the position of rejectee very often. I dated this guy in college for a couple months who one day showed up at my window in the middle of the night, rapping on my window, asking to be let in, because he was running from the cops. (I’m still not sure why). The next morning when I drove him home, I called it off. I was 19 and in college. He was 27, working at a crappy seafood restaurant, and had no problem running away from the cops in the direction of his girlfriend’s house. It was not going to work. I told him that, and he got very upset, but I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Another time I had a torrid, two-week affair with a man who was 12 years older than me and a pathological liar. When I found out, I had no problem screaming at him and telling him to never contact me or breathe my name again, lest he want me to ruin his life. That one was easy. But, in general, I find letting someone down to be a difficult thing to do. Maybe that’s why I should be a little more sympathetic towards men when they give me the runaround rather than telling me straight up: “I’m not interested in you like that, despite coming over to your apartment after our date and touching your boobs.” But I’m not sympathetic. Because sometimes in life you have to do something that is uncomfortable but necessary. Telling someone straight up how you feel in an honest but gentle way is one of those things, and giving him signs, pulling “the fade,” or just disappearing altogether are not acceptable substitutes. I forced myself to remember that today, as I told Mr. Plaid Glasses that it wasn’t gonna happen. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: Red Wine + Tapas = A Clever And Dangerous First Date Activity

Ugh, ouch. Copious amounts of red wine and very, very, very tiny plates of food – genius way to get your date lubed up.

So, last night I went on a date with this guy – oh, let’s call him The Doodler, since he’s an artist – that a good guy friend of mine set me up with. While being set up with a friend of a friend has its drawbacks – like, what if the date goes terribly and you have to avoid each other in the future? – I really like getting that stamp of approval from someone I trust.

Before I get into the logistics of the date, a note about artsy guys. They are so much more attractive when they’re ambitious and gainfully employed, rather than starving and lazy. It also helps when they’re actually talented, which The Doodler is. Thank goodness. There’s nothing more awkward than dating someone whose art/music/writing you hate. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: The Deal With Chicken Parm

For the last few months I’ve been seeing someone – Chicken Parm, as he’s been referred to a few times already — that I met on the online dating site OK Cupid. I signed up for the site on a whim on New Years Day, as I was recovering from my hangover. New Years Eve was the last in a series of breakup milestones, as it would have been my fifth anniversary with my ex, and the first anniversary of our engagement.

I signed up for online dating because I felt officially ready to date again and what better place to find likeminded men than on an online dating site?! Chicken Parm sent me a message and his profile instantly intrigued me. Of the three adjectives he used to describe himself, one of them was “hungry.” I had wanted to describe myself as hungry too, but balked out of fear that it would imply I was hiding a huge ass beneath my head shot. His taste in music was a mix of artists I loved and stuff I’d never heard of, and a lot of hip-hop, which I adore. He was cute and he tanned well. Reply!
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