Tag Archives: dating advice

Date-Ade Episode 2: On Accidents & Accidental “I Love Yous”

Date-Ade Episode 2
Accidental "I Love Yous" Happen All The Time
Date-Ade: Episode 1
Date-Ade Episode 1: On Ducks, Dishonesty & That Weird Thing Your Boyfriend Said
On ducks, dishonesty and that weird thing your boyfriend said. Read More »

I think I’ve mentioned (numerous times) that canned dating advice drives me crazy. Love and relationships are not a one-size-fits-all pair of shoes. I admittedly don’t have all the answers, but I’ve found that I give the best advice when I share my own stories — as weird as they may be — and offer empathy. Inspired by Jack Handy’s “Deep Thoughts,” Date-Ade offers stream of consciousness solutions for stressed daters.

If you have a sex,dating or relationship dilemma that you’d like for me to try to illuminate (no promises), send your questions to date-ade@thefrisky.com.

A Step-By-Step Guide To Comforting Your Crying Girlfriend

On Crying
A writer talks about a time when everyone saw her cry. Read More »
Why We Cry
Here are things that make us sob uncontrollably. Read More »
Crying In Public
Here are some things to think about if you're trying not to cry in public. Read More »
A Step-By-Step Guide To Comforting Your Crying Girlfriend

Let’s talk about crying. Specifically, about the awkward dynamic that occurs when you’re crying hysterically and your boyfriend is sitting there looking trapped, but not in a “bitches be cray,” kind of way. He’s looking at you like he’s scared because he loves you and he wants to help you feel better but he’s not sure what to do. Only you don’t want any kind of help, all you want is comfort — especially if you’re in the throes of a hormonal crying jag. Those are the worst because they come on suddenly and can be set off by something as small as running out of toothpaste and make you feel inordinate amounts of embarrassment. I’m crying and I have no idea why!?

Trying to figure out why only makes you cry harder and then the boyfriend feels more helpless, because even though he may be a super sensitive dude, the only time he cried in the last decade was when his grandmother died. It’s not that he doesn’t feel crappy enough to cry. He just expresses it differently. Crying, for him, is a last resort type of thing and it’s always pegged to a specific event. He doesn’t get that crying for you, is like cleaning gunk out of drain –if you don’t do it every now and then, the drain will get clogged. So there he is getting frustrated by how inept he feels and you end up having to comfort him. No really, I’m fine, just leave me alone and let me cry my fucking brains out. Sound familiar?It probably does. What he needs a step-by-step guide for how to handle you when you’re in the throes of a crying jag. We thought we’d help out. Keep reading »

13 Idiotic Dating Tips From Thor Lund, A Former Student Body President Who’s “Learned About Women”

Dating Don'ts: Guys
Dating Don'ts: The Danger In Being Just One Of The Guys
As in, just one of the guys. Why you shouldn't try to be one. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Email
Dating Don'ts: 5 Alternatives To Sending An Angry, Post-Breakup Email
Some alternatives to sending an angry, post-breakup email. Read More »
Don't Be The Worst
Rules for living in GIF form. Read More »
thor lund

What can we tell you about Thor Lund, author of the missive “What I Learned About Women”? For starters, his name is Thor Lund (here’s his Facebook page). He’s the former student government president at the University of Texas-Austin (pictured above) and a current student there. And his name is Thor. And he thinks he knows a lot about ladiiiiiiez. So much so that he wrote 5,127 (!) words about ladies on his personal blog, ThorLund724 (which is a bit Entertainment 720 if you ask me). The post went up yesterday — and was written about by Daily Texan Online — but was taken down in the last few hours because, according to Thor in the replacement text, “it cost me one of my very close friendships.” Luckily, we snagged the text before it was removed (here it is cached)! After the jump,  Thor tells you exactly how women work. Keep reading »

Date-Ade Episode 1: On Ducks, Dishonesty & That Weird Thing Your Boyfriend Said

Date-Ade Episode 1: On Ducks, Dishonesty & That Weird Thing Your Boyfriend Said
Date-Ade: Meditations For Stressed Daters

In my years of writing at The Frisky, I think I’ve mentioned (numerous times) that canned dating advice drives me crazy. Love and relationships are not a one-size-fits-all pair of shoes. All of our feet are different! Often our sex and relationship dilemmas are more existential in nature and can’t be solved with a simple how-to list. Every now and then, I get a letter from a Frisky reader (or a friend) asking for love advice. I admittedly don’t have all the answers, but I’ve found that I give the best advice when I share my own stories — as weird as they may be — and offer empathy. Inspired by Jack Handy’s Deep Thoughts, my new video series Date-Ade offers mini stream of consciousness meditations for stressed daters.

If you have a sex,dating or relationship dilemma that you’d like for me to try to illuminate (no promises), send me your questions at date-ade@thefrisky.com.

Dating Don’ts: How To Deal When Your Career Is Blowing Up And Your Boyfriend’s Isn’t

Dating Don'ts: Fake Friend
Dating Don'ts: Why Platonic Friends Shouldn't Fake-Friend The New Girlfriend
Fake friending sucks for all ladies. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: He's Back!
Why you should be wary when you hear from him unexpectedly. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Negging
Just say no to negging! Read More »
Dating Don’ts: How To Deal When Your Career Is Blowing Up And Your Boyfriend's Isn't

Remember that episode of “Sex and the City” where Carrie got a big advance for her book while her boyfriend, Jack Berger, watched his flounder? He was so jealous of her success! And he didn’t want to be that guy! As much as “SATC” got basically every single thing about relationships wrong, they still managed to kind of nail this one. Sometimes you are dating that guy, and you are that woman. Your career is on the up and up, while he’s either stuck in a job with no mobility, or straight up unemployed.

We live in a time when women are increasingly likely to be the sole breadwinners in their families and, in some career paths, we even get paid as much or more than our male colleagues. Which is awesome. It’s exactly what we wanted.

But it can also cause tension in relationships because, to be honest, we haven’t really collectively agreed on how to deal with the shift; women have been conditioned to behave as if men have more money, more career ambition, and more promise, even as statistics prove that is less and less likely to be the case. Below are some tips for how to deal when you’re blowing up, but the person you’re dating isn’t. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Guys You’ll Wish You Had Gone Out With In College

Schooled! Week
Schooled 2013
We've got you covered for college. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Guys
Dating Don'ts: The Danger In Being Just One Of The Guys
As in, just one of the guys. Why you shouldn't try to be one. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Just One
All it takes is one good date. Read More »
Awkward Guys Rule
Here are some reasons to love awkward dudes. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Guys You'll Wish You Had Gone Out With In College

I started out my college dating career the way most girls do: with a boyfriend back home that I tried to breakup with before I left, but couldn’t quite go through with it. When I said goodbye to Danny* at the airport, he pushed a fishnet-gloved palm up against the glass (this was in the days when you could still walk people to the gate) and sobbed as I boarded a plane to NYC. I wasn’t crying, at least, not until I got to my dorm and realized that I was going to be crazy lonely. I called Danny and tried to sell him on keeping things going long distance. He agreed. It wasn’t until I met my (still to this day) best friend on the front steps of my dorm later that week and she also had a boyfriend back home she was trying to give the slip (also named Danny), that we mutually worked up the courage to dump our Dannys.

A free woman, my college dating career devolved into a series of mistakes wherein I consistently said YES to the wrong guys and NO to the right ones. I could roll the list out before you like double ply toilet paper: the guy with the infected tongue ring, the prematurely balding guy who invited me over to his dorm room to watch a James Bond movie (translation: try to get me to blow him), the guy in the wheelchair (who was really amazing until he left me for a girl who ended up moving in across the hall from me), the much older alcoholic who worked at a nightclub, the guy who told me I was “maladroit” when I fell off the hammock on his dorm balcony and then gave me a copy of Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil to read if we were “ever going to get along,” the guy who left me for a porn star while I was studying abroad, the boyfriend who told me he was going on a road trip to New Mexico and then I never heard from him again. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 5 Things That Can Go Terribly Wrong On Tinder And Grouper

Dating Don'ts: Phases
The Breakup Phase You Never Saw Coming
The breakup phase you didn't see coming. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Online Realities
Some things you might not know about online dating. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Fake Friend
Dating Don'ts: Why Platonic Friends Shouldn't Fake-Friend The New Girlfriend
Fake friending sucks for all ladies. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Everything That Can Go Wrong On Tinder And Grouper

When meeting people in real life became too much work, we went online to date. When online dating becomes tedious (and it pretty much already has), what’s next? We date through apps, obviously. After all, why spend hours combing through various online profiles, when you can just tap a button on your phone? If you haven’t heard of Grouper or Tinder or Coffee Meets Bagel, then… you’re clearly in a happy relationship.

Pshh. I’ll explain: Grouper is like a group blind date; you fill out a short questionnaire and it sets you and two friends up with three guy friends who are revealed at a given location. Other apps like Tinder show you pictures of potential matches that you can choose to like or pass, and mutual “likes” become grounds for further contact. And while there are positives to such dating formats, like maximizing potential suitors with minimal effort and taking screen shots and sending them to your friends for giggles, in the end, they’re all just as bad, or even worse, than putting in your time on OKCupid. Let’s flesh out all the things that can go wrong with these apps, shall we? Keep reading »

Patti Stanger Talks About Meeting Her Soul Mate David Krause, Continues To Annoy Me To The Core

Patti Stanger Q&A
Patti Stanger
What Patti Stanger has to say about rom coms and feminism. Read More »
Soul Mate Spotting
Tips for spotting your soul mate. Read More »
Debunking Patti
Patti has some stupid theories -- we prove them wrong. Read More »
Patti Stanger On Meeting Her Soul Mate David Krause

“Two years ago, I was depressed because I hadn’t found the true love of my life. I was like, ‘What’s wrong with me? I’m smart. I make money. I’m pretty. What’s going on?’ I told Jill [Zarin], who said, ‘Something is running in your unconscious that is preventing you from finding love.’ …The unconscious is the bus driver and if it has no map, it has no direction and that’s why you can’t figure things out … Forty eight hours later, David  walked into my life … We are living together. Things are great. I’m really happy.”

Patti Stanger gushes to People about how she met her soulmate, former baseball player, David Krause. Look, I’m terribly happy for everyone who finds true love. I believe in soul mates. And maybe David is Patti’s true love. All that is well and good, but what I can’t stand is her using her love story as a sales pitch for self-promotion. The other thing that drives me nuts in the whole “self-help-y dating advice” world is when someone peddles oversimplified versions of new thought principles stolen from the The Secret to reel people into feeling “single shame.” Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: About Fake-Friending

Dating Don'ts: Guys
Dating Don'ts: The Danger In Being Just One Of The Guys
As in, just one of the guys. Why you shouldn't try to be one. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Relationships
Dating Don'ts: What Dating Doesn't Teach You About Relationships
Relationship skills are different than the ones you use dating. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Texters
13 Types Of Texters To Weary Of
These types of texters are worth being weary of. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Why Platonic Friends Shouldn't Fake-Friend The New Girlfriend

The scenario is a common one – it’s happened to me and, while writing this piece, I did an informal survey and asked a handful of women in my life if they were familiar with the phenomenon of fake-friending. All them were. And almost all of them – myself included – admitted to having been on both sides. As a person with a lot of close male friends, I’ve fake-friended multiple new girlfriends in the interest of research (Because really? Her? Is she funny or something? He told me he doesn’t even like brunettes!), and I’ve been the new girlfriend who suddenly had a suspiciously good-looking college friend of my new boyfriend Facebook messaging me that “we should get together.”

It usually goes like this: a man and a woman begin dating and eventually get to a point where they start to meet each other’s friends. If they are well-adjusted, normal adults, they will probably have friends of both genders. Maybe it’s awesome. Maybe the new girlfriend and the female friends genuinely have a lot in common — they do have similar taste in men, after all — and everyone becomes friends and the world continues to turn in perfect harmony.

But probably, because humans are just sacks of guts and hormones, at least one of those female friends will likely have or have had feelings for the newly-spoken-for. Maybe they dated or slept together once (or for a while*) and it didn’t work out. Whatever the specifics, the dynamic is the same: the female friend doesn’t necessarily want to date the guy, but she doesn’t want him dating that girl. And instead of admitting that (and thus, admitting her feelings), the platonic female friend will launch an attack of niceness. Keep reading »

8 Love Rules Made to Be Broken

8 Love Rules Made to Be Broken

When I heard about the book, It’s Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date my first thought was: ORLLY? Tell me more! After watching a whole parade of books about dating rules through my lifetime, from THE RULES to 30-Day Love Detox (no sex for the first 30 days), it’s refreshing to see a book that’s all about debunking traditional dating rules. But is the message too good to be true? The point authors Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser are making is simple: Trust yourself.

Well that’s easy to say if you’re not a neurotic basket case with non-stop monkey chatter running through your brain. Don’t we need dating rules to save ourselves from ourselves, or do dating rules really prevent us from being our most authentic selves? I decided to take some of the rules Syrtash and Wilser debunk in their book and see what my friends think about them. Turns out they’ve broken most of these rules, too — with no regrets. Read more on The Stir…

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