You’re on your way to your local watering hole one evening and you spot something familiar in the gait, the walk, the hand gestures of a person heading your way on the street. You realize with sudden, sinking dread that it’s your ex who you haven’t seen since the breakup. You grab your best friend’s elbow and hiss in her ear, “That’s him.” You stay in place, paralyzed and unable to move, until she grabs you by the back of the arm and steers you across the street. You think yourself invisible while you stand in between two parked cars, waiting for him to pass.
Later, when you get a text that says, “Did I just see you outside that bar?” you wait two hours and numerous drinks before texting back in all caps “NOPE.” Near the end of the night, as you sit on top of a bar stool with your best friend like imperious, drunk queens, you blatantly ignore him when he enters the bar to retrieve his forgotten credit card. Likely story. Even with his sudden ambush, you manage to avoid contact. At the end of the night you collapse into bed with a glass of water in hand, and think to yourself, Crisis averted!
But really, was it? Keep reading »
Merlin’s beard, we’re old! It is the 12th anniversary of the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone premiere, but Potterdom is as alive today as ever. One of my favorite things (of many) about the Harry Potter book and film series is that it’s not a cheesy romantic story on the outside — hello mystery, adventure, and strong female heroines — but at the heart of it, it is a love story. There are various romantic pairings that slowly develop over the course of the series, and there is, of course, the love of Harry’s mother that steers the entire plot. So using GIFs and quotes from the movies and books, I’m sharing some of the best love lessons J.K.’s series has taught us about the magic of love. Read all 27 love lessons on Tres Sugar…
Here is a example of something that happens to people in relationships: we strive for perfection at all costs. Things go well, things are proceeding according to the path you created in your head. Things feel perfect. Your relationship is a glorious jewel of correctness, shining in a world where nothing is right. There have been no arguments, you disagree on nothing and appear to have everything in common. The success of your relationship is a kick in the teeth to all your other problems, it’s the one thing that you can really and truly do right. It’s a contact high of the best kind and you never want it to go away. The problem with this feeling? The first crack in the veneer sends you into a roiling, spiraling panic. The truth: Perfection is impossible, it is unfeasible, and the struggle to achieve it will be the death of the relationship. Instead of striving for it, try infusing your relationship with some wabi-sabi. Keep reading »
It’s a universal truth that men get freaked the fuck out when a woman utters the phrase, “We need to talk.” (It freaks women out as well, but not to quite the same extent.) If you want to get a guy quivering in his boots, those four words will always do the trick. But WHY? From what men tell me, “we need to talk” signifies extreme relationship danger. To a guy, it’s the verbal equivalent of being hunted by a bear. It’s talk of marriage, babies, cheating or whatever thing you know he doesn’t want to talk about. It makes a guy feel trapped. Boxed in. In trouble. It sends him into an automatic anxiety spiral. I’ve personally retired the phrase at the behest of my boyfriend. “Don’t announce the major convo, just get into it,” he requested. Noted. Keep reading »
According to some new research, the unknown enemy of many a relationship is psoriasis (that skin disorder that Kim Kardashian has). Who knew? I mean, once a guy canceled a date by telling me he “was itching all over.” But I’m pretty sure that was just lie because he ghosted after that. And he definitely didn’t have psoriasis. Anyhow, the research found that a staggering 25 percent of all psoriasis sufferers claim they were dumped at some point because of their scabby, scaly skin. Of course, the dumpers could have been trying to sugar-coat things when they said: “It’s not you, it’s your psoriasis,” but it’s such an dick-ish things to say that it seems unlikely.
With all the perfectly good reasons to dump someone — they’re untrustworthy, they bore you to tears, they’re life dream is to become a nudist and live off the grid — psoriasis is not anywhere near acceptable. Emotional incompatibility. Fine. Different visions for the future. Sure. Psoriasis. You suck, psoriasis shamers. This gets me thinking, if so many people are getting canned over a totally treatable auto-immune disorder, others must be getting dumped for even stupider reasons. Below, I’ve started a running list of some reasons that are NOT valid for breaking up because I feel like we ought to have one. You’re gonna have to come up with something more substantial, people… Keep reading »
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match! But seriously…
The Frisky wants nothing more than to help the searching singles of the world find their soul mates and coupled folks navigate choppy relationship waters, so who better to team up with than Professional Matchmaker, Exclusive Matchmaking! Keep reading »
Say you’re in a new relationship, and things are going well. There are dinners, there is coffee in bed when you want it, there is sparkling conversation and wit and banter, there are all-consuming exchanges of emotion that leave you revitalized and ready to seize the rest of your lives together. You’ve reached a state of happiness that leaves other relationships in the dark. Finally! A thing that works for me, the way I want it, the way I need it. What have I done to deserve this giant treasure from the universe?
Then, the change comes, like it does in all new relationships. Sun-soaked afternoons in bed are slowly replaced by tense mornings in which every conversation is a power struggle. What was once light and sunshine and butterfly kisses is now a relationship fraught with calculated moves to gain the upper hand. What happened here? How did something that seemed so easy become so complicated? Keep reading »
Here’s what’s easy:
Sitting in your apartment, doing things that you like to do, justifying this behavior by saying that because it is what you want to do, it is absolutely correct. Rejecting new experiences because they could fail, because you could embarrass yourself or fall on your face or loose a tooth or a shred of dignity. Staying in a rut because it’s comfortable, it feels right, and it’s easier than putting on that pair of pants or wearing those new shoes or doing anything other than the path you picked out for yourself as the only way for you.
Dating is not fun. It’s not easy. If someone came up to me and told me in earnest that scrolling thru the depths of OKCupid is a fulfilling and mentally engaging activity, I’d gather my things and back away slowly. It feels like work because it is work. Scrolling through matches taps into the muscle memory of the aimless looking for shoes on Zappos or searching your work email for that thing you got last week that you just can’t find. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Click? Scroll. Repeat ad nauseam until you find something that you think might work, with some jiggering, a little tailoring, a tiny nip and tuck. Add to your cart, finish your wine, close your laptop, go to sleep. Keep reading »
If you’ve been in a relationship with an expiration date—a romantic situation that can come up when two people decide to explore their connection in the face of something like an upcoming move—you’ve probably daydreamed about having just a little more time with your lover. But it can be surprisingly difficult to transition from just-till-you-go to long-term-possibility when those daydreams come true.
Five months ago, when my partner told me he would rather stay with me than take the distant job opportunity that had been looming over us from the start, I was so giddy that I didn’t consider how the basic nature of our relationship was going to change. And I certainly didn’t understand how tough that transition would be. When we had a deadline, the relationship only needed to be strong enough to last until then; when we were deciding whether or not we’d ditch the deadline and forge ahead into the future, we had to judge whether the relationship had the potential to become something worth uprooting his life plans for—and, though less obviously, mine too. Now we’ve turned what we thought was a fling into something with longer-term stability; these are the things we considered when we did: Keep reading »