Last week, I got an email from someone who said he was referred to me by W*, a guy I went on a few dates with a couple of years ago. Backstory on W: on either our third or fourth date (I can’t remember), he invited me to his place to cook dinner for me. Not going to go into too much detail, but W was a shitbird from the moment I took off my coat. At one point, we got into a heated debate about our literary tastes and he threw a book of poetry at me (not violently, but still!) and told me to read something worth my while. I told him to go fuck himself (in more flowery language), put my coat back on and hightailed it out of there. The next day he sent me an email and admitted to being “stressed about something else” and “not at his best.” I replied with a “fair enough” and we never spoke again. In my mind, we were not on good terms. We were on “let’s never talk again” terms. Keep reading »
Election tension is boiling over; it seems like everyone from the office blowhard to the person in front of you at the post office is spouting off opinions that make your blood boil. But what happens when the one disagreeing with you shares your bedroom? Here are 10 tips to help you make it through November 6th without resorting to the taser gun…
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In the early stages of dating, decoding and deciphering signals can be the hardest part. What’s his normal behavior? What’s his I really like you behavior? What’s his I’m about to ghost you behavior? It’s all a bit murky when you’re not familiar with a person’s normal modus operandi. And it creates a perfect storm (no intentional reference to Frankenstorm, which is raging right now) for daters who love to overanalyze everything. I would know nothing about that.
Disclaimer before I go any further here: if the person you’re dating does something that doesn’t sit well with you on a gut level, don’t ignore that. For example, one time I was dating this guy who yelled at me and told I was embarrassing him when I gave him a kiss in front of his friends. A peck on the lips, no tongue, mind you. I was like, “Well, I understand that we all have different levels of comfort with PDA, but BYE.” That was a no-brainer. It wasn’t going to work. Keep reading »
After publishing last week’s Dating Don’ts about how not to get dumped, I was relieved to discover that I’m not the only person out there with PTDD (Post Traumatic Dating Disorder). I’ve been working on putting the kibosh on my irrational self-script and reclaiming some fucking inner peace. So far, it’s been ridiculously difficult. If I’m being honest, I’ve gotten a bit worse. Sorry Dr. Rob, but I’m nowhere near accepting that there is no such thing as a guarantee in relationships or life in general. But maybe it’s one of those one step forward two steps back type of situations. I shall keep meditating on it. But until I wake up enlightened, I’ve decided to try replacing any of my negative dating thoughts with a host of more positive ones. Here is my collection of mantras for when my Crazy Dater takes over. I use that term with love, of course. God, I hope these help us…
I believe I’ve made it clear how I feel about relationship advice. Mostly, I find it utterly unhelpful. I think that relationships are so complicated and personal, that advice is not one person fits all. I especially hate gimmicky, quick-fix relationship advice that’s like “The Magic Thing That Will Get You Married In 364 Days!” WORST! The only brand of dating advice I can stomach is the kind that’s empowering. And when I stumble upon it, I share it with you.
Last week, I had coffee with a good friend. We both started dating new guys we met online on the exact same day. (Weird, right?) That was a few months ago, and both relationships are still on and popping. During our coffee session, one of the things we talked about was how we both were having persistent, irrational anxiety about our relationships suddenly ending. Our shades of anxiety were a bit different. Mine has been taking the form of a recurring fear of being dumped out-of-the-blue. Keep reading »
I don’t usually care all that much who my friends date. As long as the person makes them happy enough, I recognize, that as adult in my 30s, it’s really not my business. Do what you want, yo! Relationships are weird and complicated and what works for someone may not work for me. Who am I to judge? I’m essentially laissez faire that way.
That being said, occasionally situations come up where a friend is dating someone who concerns me. When I say, concerns, I mean, I fear the relationship may damage/ruin/send my friend on a downward spiral. Not like oh, this person is unavailable and he/she will hurt you. More like, this person is a vampire who will destroy your life. Keep reading »
I’ve only been off the market for two months and already, the dating world is like a bad, distant memory I want to put in a shoe box and hide under my bed.
I have to ask myself, Am I being melodramatic? Was it really that bad? When I distill it down, there was really one thing that made dating unbearable: other people’s advice.
Because dating can be overwhelming, confusing and wrought with powerful emotions, our instinct is often to seek counsel outside of ourselves. But trying to apply other people’s advice, even advice given by professionals, to our dating lives, which are extremely personal, is like walking around in a pair of shoes that don’t fit. You’re going to get blisters. The best thing anyone could have told me to do was figure out what was best for me and do that. If only I had been following my own gut, I might have had a better time dating.
Below are some of the most unhelpful pieces of dating advice I’ve ever received … Keep reading »
Have you ever gotten a text from a dude and had no idea how to respond? Like, something vague like “what’s up” or “thanks for last night” or “stop calling me, you’re creeping me out”? There’s a new website called He Texted that helps take the mystery out of dude messages. Girls post texts they’ve received from guys and readers then vote on whether they think the guy is into it, over it, or if they’re not sure. So simple, but yet so necessary. (Though generally? If you have to ask, he’s probably not that into you).
The site also offers personal advice from two bros — Ben, who calls himself a “dude whisperer,” and Mason, who is a self-proclaimed douchebag. “Hey there,” says Mason.”I’m kind of a douchebag, who knows many other douchebags. If you are having a douchebag situation, hit me up. Pretty sure I’ll be able to tell you exactly what’s going on. Oh and for the record, it’s not that I don’t like you, I just have a short attention span.” Ah, so that explains it. [He Texted]
One time, a guy I had been dating for more than a month canceled our Saturday night date, calling an hour before we were supposed to meet, telling me that he was “itching all over.” I’m putting that phrase in quotes because that is exactly what he said. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried. I followed this up with the normal questions a person would ask:
Did you see the doctor?
Are you running a fever?
Are you having an allergic reaction to something? Keep reading »
After years of unsuccessful attempts at dating, you’ve finally isolated your problem: unavailable men. If only you could find a guy who wasn’t a total commitmentphobe, you’d be in the relationship you’ve always desired. So the solution then, is simple: stop dating unavailable men.
Or maybe it’s not that easy. Perhaps you’ve heard the theory tossed around that if you’re attracted to unavailable people, that’s a sign that you’re unavailable, too. But surely this can’t apply to you. After all, you want to be a relationship. You’re not the one who’s afraid of making more than one plan a week with your significant other or declaring your relationship status via Facebook—it’s the guys you date who can’t even commit to texting with consistency. Keep reading »