Tag Archives: dating advice

Dating Don’ts: You Can Stop Blaming Yourself For Being Single

Dating Don'ts: Breakups
These kinds of breakups suck the very most. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Facebook
You should never post these things on his Facebook page. NEVER. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Next
The most powerful word in the dating language is NEXT! Read More »

After every breakup, I spend time — copious amounts of time, too much goddamn time – pouring over every detail, trying to figure out what I did wrong this time. I call this “taking personal responsibility.” My best friend calls it “spiraling.” Leaving yoga class this weekend, my voice trembling and defeated, I declared about my recent breakup: “It’s my fault. I pick the wrong men.”

This is when my best friend started laughing at me. Hysterically. “You’re spiraling,” she said. “I’m only going to say this once: You did nothing wrong. He wasn’t right for you, and you both acknowledged that as soon as you knew it. You did everything right. So, I refuse to listen to you if you’re going to blame yourself. You need to stop.”

She was right. I was being ridiculous. It’s no wonder my first instinct is to blame myself. The culture of single blaming and shaming is pervasive. I think the world tends to forget: being coupled is not an achievement. Not being coupled is not a failure. Being in a relationship, getting married, shacking up, call it whatever you want, is a life choice, born of opportunity. It’s two people being in the right place at the right time and wanting the same things. It’s an opportunity that’s seized. While a solid relationship can make you grow as a person, the mere fact that you’re coupled does not make you a better person.

Earlier that morning, a married friend of mine sent me a link to Tracy McMillian’s articles Why You’re Not Married and the charming follow up Why You’re Still Not Married. “Have you seen these? What do you think?” she asked. “They seem offensive.” Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: The Power Of Next

Dating Don'ts: Facebook
You should never post these things on his Facebook page. NEVER. Read More »
Why He Dumped Me
Do you really need to know why he dumped you? Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Ghosting
Thou shalt not ghost your love interests. Read More »

Breakups suck. Despite all the lessons and advice our parents teach us, nothing really prepares us to fall in love with someone and then have that person choose not to be with us anymore. With a broken heart and a shattered ego, our brain demands explanations.We crave resolution and closure. But we rarely get what we desire. One magical date and he didn’t call again, why? Two weeks of texting and flirting on Facebook and then nothing, why? One month spent dating a guy you were ambivalent about only to have him dump you, why?

Frankly, asking why is a colossal waste of time. Keep this word in your back pocket every time you are tempted to contemplate a dating scenario gone awry: Next. Next is your best friend when it comes to dating, hook-ups, friends with benefits, and all the rest. Keep reading »

How To Get Some Gravy On Thanksgiving

Post-Meal Sex Tips
Some advice for having great sex even when you're stuffed. Read More »
Thanksgiving!
It's Thanksgiving again. We're here for you. Read More »
Single On Thanksgiving?
10 reasons to be thankful you're flying solo on T-Day. Read More »

Surviving the holidays is always stressful. And if you’re single, it’s the perfect time to eff the pain away! Thanksgiving weekend provides a few days to hunt for hotties — especially if you’re traveling somewhere. But even if you’re stuck home alone, make sure you take full advantage of all the seasonal action by following The Frisky’s Guide To Getting Some Gravy On Thanksgiving!

Keep reading »

4 Reasons Why “It Will Be Different With Me” Syndrome Is Dangerous

John And Katy?
Katy Perry and John Mayer
John Mayer has slithered on to Katy Perry. Read More »
The Other Woman
Thoughts on having been the other woman. Read More »

Remember that hot guy in high school who dated every girl in his class, despite treating every one of them like crap?  Why was this possible? Because women suffer from It Will Be Different With Me Syndrome. Sadly, it’s usually never different.  Men aren’t rocket science. In fact, they are like The Weather Channel.  You can predict fairly accurately what weather lay ahead, based on their past behavior.

The type of men that lie, cheat, or are guilty of general douchebaggery come with a track record. Other women warn you to stay away, his friends tell you about his sordid past, and yet, you’ll convince yourself that you and you alone are up to the challenge of taming him.

There are times when our hopes and beliefs contradict all available evidence and can actually hurt us. Simply wanting someone to be an awesome guy doesn’t make him an awesome guy.  Just ask Katy Perry. Despite all evidence that John Mayer is one of Hollywood’s biggest love-em-and-leave-em type of guys, she’s convinced herself he’ll be different with her.  I hope she likes her love life discussed intimately on Twitter, or on the pages of Playboy, because that’s what she has to look forward to. It won’t be different with Katy. Just ask Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, or Minka Kelly. Keep reading »

Don’t Get Mooched! The Four Types Of Boyfriends To Avoid

Judd Apatow's Advice
"Boys gossip" and other good advice from Ask A Grown Man. Read More »
Relationship Advice
This is the relationship advice Julie would give you if she were your friend. Read More »
5 pieces of sex advice
Five simple pieces of sex advice from "Savage U." Read More »
Friends Forever, Boyfriends Whenever

So many men, so little time. That’s why you’ve got to figure out which ones to avoid right off the bat. Thankfully, comedienne Sarah Colonna has teamed up with Benefit to guide us through the murky world of dating. Pro-tip: If he’s stealing your makeup, he’s probably not worth your time. [YouTube]

Dating Don’ts: Be Switzerland

Dating Don'ts: Bad Ending
You shouldn't do these things if the relationship ended badly. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Kisses
Women fear these types of first kisses. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »

My relationship has hit a roadblock. This roadblock may be like a piece of highway shrapnel that we need to swerve around or it might be more like the Berlin Wall, which would take radical change to make fall. I don’t know yet. If it’s the latter, I’d better take up graffiti art. And I call West Berlin, obvs.

I don’t want to go into detail about the impasse my guy and I are at because it’s über-complicated (isn’t it always?) and because I’m a private person sometimes (despite being a blogger). And because I’m taking a radical approach to conflict resolution.

Last week I was out with one of my best friends. He’s been with his husband for 15 years now, so he knows a lot about this “making relationships last” stuff. I told him about the issues we were dealing with and expressed being torn over the future — not knowing whether to have hope and fight or stop trying altogether.  He responded with the most genius bit of advice ever (and you know how much I dislike relationship advice): “Just be Switzerland,” he told me. Keep reading »

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