Each month, Sparkology.com, a quality-driven, luxury dating site for young professionals, asks a curated panel of dating experts for their advice on a single hot topic as requested by our members.
THIS MONTH: “Is there a good way to say ‘Thanks, but I’m not interested’ to someone that messaged you? How can you respond without making it awkward?”
Check out how the dating experts responded after the jump. Keep reading »
When it comes to new boyfriends, there are a million thoughts and feelings rushing through our heads and hearts. We can’t eat, sleep, talk, breathe, etc. Sometimes falling for a new guy can feel like being drunk. You don’t act like yourself. You may not notice yourself turning into a complete crazy, but I can tell you that your friends will.
Your friends will tolerate you talking about this new said BF on the regular for only a few short moments. They are going to get annoyed. They are going to want to punch you in the face if you say “us” or “we” in a sentence pertaining to him one more time, but does this bother you? Do we care that much about what our friends think of our boyfriends? Is it a deal breaker if they don’t? Read more …
Spring is the perfect demonstration of the possibilities for our lives as the seasons change and bring with it a new opportunity for a better day. Spring has always been a magical time of the year because it is nature’s illustration of whatever appears to be “dead and without life” can come alive once again. Single women can get a fresh start for spring by realizing that no matter how dismal their love life appears to be, in an instant, this can change with a correct change in mindset, approach and understanding.
1. Forgive. You must make emotional room in your life for what you want before you can see physical manifestation of the desires of our hearts. That requires you to stop filling up your waking hours with work and caring for your children and make time for dating. You must also be willing to let go of past pains and hang-ups that stand in your way of finding true love. Read more …
I think it’s so annoying when girls won’t eat a big meal in front of their date, or just have to wear a full face of makeup whenever a guy they like is around. We’re humans, not dolls with no organs, and last time I checked, men feel pretty comfortable burping and the rest around us. This piece on Madame Noire listing “7 things you should be comfortable doing around your man” is right on target. Unless he accepts you the way you are, it isn’t true love! Read more …
I am pathetic for reasons too numerous to count, so for the moment, let’s focus on just one: I watch a stupid amount of daytime TV. So that means I’m well-schooled in various bits of contemporary pop psychology, like this little gem care of Dr. Phil: For a relationship to work in the long term, you must be aligned with your partner on three key issues: Communication, sex and money. That’s what’ll keep you together according to Dr. Phil. But what about what draws you together according to me and my cursory knowledge of pop psychology? Is it the stuff of long-term commitments? Or something else? A lit match with a fuse that’ll blow in, say, under two years? I’m talking the stuff that makes you, when you meet him, be like, Oh. Em. Gee. You and me 4 eva, boy. But then six months or two years later, you’re like, “Wait. Remind me how you wound up as my boyfriend? Oh, right. I liked that we both liked that Kite Runner book.” Let’s call them weak foundations, shall we? Our shaky rationales. So before you forsake all those fish in the sea, before you accept a diamond or preemptively move in together, before you run your mouth about how this time, really!, it’s different, make sure your relationship is founded on none of the things listed below. Any number of them can, of course, be one of the many reasons you’re together. But please. I beg you. Don’t let any single one of them be the reason you’re together. Keep reading »
A few months ago, I was waiting for the subway after work. It was one of those days when all of the lines were screwed up. A guy next to me turned and asked, “How was your day today?” I was taken by surprise since, nine out of 10 New Yorkers waiting for the subway are either plugged into their iPod-Phone-Pads or have their faces buried in Kindles. To kill time, it was refreshing to have an actual conversation with a seemingly nice person. And I was happy I did, quickly learning he was an experienced financial reporter. As a fledgling journalist myself, we had a lot to chat about.
Twenty minutes later, the train came and our conversation turned personal. We started talking about our friends and relationships. He asked me if I was in a relationship. I said yes, long-distance, since my boyfriend is in Hong Kong for a year. He proceeded to tell me how he prefers his relationships to be more “convenient” and that he is currently single. I ended up leaving the train with his card and emailed him a few days later about officially meeting to talk about his media experience and any advice he might have for me as a beginning journalist. We decided to meet for a drink. He picked the place. Arriving at what turned out to be a dimly lit restaurant, he said, “Hey, sorry, there’s a wait for dinner.” Keep reading »
I love Dan Savage for a number of reasons. Among them, the “It Gets Better” campaign and the dumb but true advice that “every relationship fails until the one that doesn’t.” Aside from that, I love Dan because he offers smart, non-judgmental advice about sex and relationships, but will totally tell his readers if they’re doing something stupid (see also: DTMFA). So I’m really excited to see Dan in action — so to speak — on the new MTV show “Savage U.” “Savage U” follows Dan and producer Lauren Hutchins0n as they travel around college campuses answering embarrassing and need-to-know questions. You might not be in college, but chances are, you still want to know if a guy can tell if you’re faking an orgasm, right? (Debuts April 3 at 11 p.m. EST.) [MTV]
Draw-out \‘dro\ \’aut\ n. pl draw-outs : An event that prompts you, dear lady, to prolong a relationship you know you ought to end.
If there’s one sure thing besides death and taxes it’s that you, whoever you are, have, at some point in your romantic career, drawn out a relationship longer than was healthy. You’re not to be blamed. It’s a simple law of nature: Relationships never end when they’re supposed to. We all need food and water to survive, we all need a month or two or 20 between that first “Uh oh,” and the final trigger pulling, when we put the stiletto to the metal and fly the coup to Single Land.
But the Draw-Outs … oh, the Draw-Outs. They’re the delightful little excuses that keep us keeping the relationship on. A Draw-Out can be something like, “Oh, it’s Christmas.” Or, “Oh, I’m in a wedding this month.” Or, “Oh, I just endured a phone call with my mother in which she said the word ‘cystic’ and then ‘ovaries.’”
The question, then, is “For how long?” For how long will your Draw-Out keep you in the game? The answer is dependent upon you, of course, and your personal ability to cling. I, for one, am highly clingy. Nay! Expertly clingy. And a gal like me? Well, let’s just say that I can Draw Out these suckers like it’s my job. No one drums up Draw-Outs more absurd, more niche, more pathetically impressive than yours truly. So do I gift unto to you my top five Draw Out greatest hits that you may feel free to avoid. Keep reading »
My track record is as follows: three dates scored with men I’ve met at airports; one date obtained at the ATM; four phone numbers exchanged on the NYC subway; one boyfriend landed at the Apple Store. Also, there was the Trader Joe’s check out boy who showed up on my doorstep with a rose (I invited him over after he bagged my groceries), the spinning instructor whose class I sweated through every Saturday for a year before he asked me out. That was before I dated the dentist from my bootcamp class. And yeah, that guy I met at hot yoga.
The rest of my boyfriends or dates were discovered in more conventional social situations — at parties, events, or through friends. I’ve gone on four online dates in my life. All of which were COMPLETE flops. There was a guy who was obsessed with his cat, one who was in sex therapy, one wanted by the federal government, and one who stalked me. As an online dater, I am failure. I must not “present” well in a virtual setting and I certainly don’t know how to pick ‘em. But offline, I can’t deny I have a certain knack for meeting guys wherever I go. Why is this? I know women more attractive than me who don’t meet men. It’s not really about conventional attractiveness though. Some of my friends have suggested that it’s because of my hair. The wild, curly mane makes me approachable, they say. Maybe so. But I think there’s more to it. After the jump, a few simple tips to meet more men … offline. Keep reading »
Recently, I met a guy that I liked at a party. When we were saying our goodbyes, he suggested we continue our conversation. I assumed he meant that we would do this by Facebook or email or text or Gchat — you know, the usual ways I communicate with potential love interests. When he wrote down his phone number and suggested that I call him, my response was, “On the phone?” He laughed. “Yes, on the phone.” My heart began to jackhammer at the mere thought of dialing his number. I couldn’t? Could I? Maybe I could? I felt, well, I felt like I used to feel back in my high school and college days. Back when there was no Facebook or text or email or Gchat and you had to talk to the people you were dating.
Keep reading »