About seven years ago, when I had just gotten out of two back-to-back, serious relationships, my good friend Sadie* was eager to get me to dip my toe back in the dating pool again. I was 26 years old and single for the first time in many, many years. So, basically, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I had never really “dated” before.
I’d met my last two boyfriends randomly through friends. I wasn’t looking to meet them, I just did. We got to know each other slowly, there wasn’t any pressure, and I knew they both really cared about me. I thought this was just the way people met; that falling in love was something that happened easily. Looking back, I realize how terribly naive I was.
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I find one of the most stressful parts of dating to be the whole “scheduling” thing. When you’re on the dating scene, one thing you learn very quickly is that every person seems to have a different idea of how dates are made … and broken. Because I am a type A, very busy schedule, everything planned, values manners kind of girl, I get bristly when cancelled on rudely or abruptly. A few weeks ago, a bloke sent me a text two hours before our date saying that he couldn’t meet up because “his friend needed him.” Who even knows what that means? Not that I cared. I was just pissed because I could have gone to yoga and I didn’t have my mat with me! I understand that things come up. I’ve even had to cancel dates myself. But there is a proper way to cancel a date with a lady, especially if you intend to see her again in the future. After the jump, some date canceling etiquette for the kind and conscientious man. Keep reading »
It’s a rare man who knows how to deal with an emotional woman. I know that “feelings” scare a lot of dudes and in their fear and perfectly admirable desire to “fix things,” they become inert, inept, or insensitive. I’ll never forget the first time my most serious boyfriend saw me cry. He didn’t say anything at all, he just started to tear up with me. I remember thinking the man was a f**king genius! And I love him! And he should write a guide book for the rest of mankind! Not that I expect every man to cry with me, not at all, I just want them to let me feel without trying to make it stop, to comfort me without making me uncomfortable. But that’s rare. In the midst of an emotional jag, I usually end up reassuring the man that my emotions will soon come to an end and life as they know it will resume. This is why I prefer going to my female friends when I’m upset, they know better than to tell me to “buck up” or something lame like that. Just shut up and pass the tissues. After the jump, some things guys say when we’re emotional that really don’t work and some much better alternatives. Keep reading »
“Hmm … good relationship advice for me tends to be being honest and knowing yourself. Don’t be an a**hole. That’s my advice. Don’t be mean. Don’t take s**t. Don’t settle.”
—Kristen Stewart gives Twilight scribe Stephanie Meyer her best relationship advice in the new issue of Glamour. I like that Kristen keeps it simple and, honestly, this is pretty sound advice. There have definitely been moments in relationships when I realize I am being a jerk and, yep, those would have been better avoided. [Huffington Post]
Patti Stanger did not make many friends this week when she argued that gay men aren’t into monogamous relationships. “There is no curbing the gay,” she said on “Watch What Happens Live” in front of Andy Cohen looking like he just got run over by an angry real housewife. “I’ve tried to curb you people and you just don’t … I’ve decided to throw in the towel and say ‘do what you want,’” Patti continued. Cue Bravo reeling to distance themselves from Patti’s words, since gay men are one of their primary audiences.
Hearing Patti say this, I thought, “Wow. That just isn’t true. I can name 10 gay couples in my social orbit who have been together for eons, I assume monogamously.” Not to mention the fact that for gay marriage to be the kind of issue that it is, some gay men have to want it. Then today I saw a Census statistic that proves Patti isn’t right about “you people.” Apparently, not only has the number of same-sex couples jumped 80 percent since 2000 (an indication that people are increasingly willing to declare their sexual orientation the Census), but 1 in 5 gay couples are married. Which is a high percentage considering that it’s only legal in seven states. In those seven states, 42 percent of same-sex couples have gotten married—a higher rate than straight couples. I only wish this study had separated out stats for gay and lesbian couples so I could really stick it to Patti with the numbers. [Washington Post]
Now, for the record, I love Patti Stanger. I think she is brilliant and tells it like it is. But she does have a habit of making an “iron-clad” law out of preferences she has noticed. For example, her claim that men just don’t like red heads. Or curly hair. Or that men only notice women in tight cocktail dresses. After the jump, I debunk some of Patti’s relationship myths, both anecdotally and scientifically.
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Kelly Clarkson is a smartie when it comes to matters of the heart. I mean, she did sing “Since U Been Gone.” But now she has more wisdom to pass on to us. “[Dating is] like an ‘American Idol‘ audition,” she said in a recent interview. “The worst ones are the most confident … And the same thing goes for my dating life. The worst guys are the most confident with me.” Everyone loves an unexpected analogy, right? Kelly’s words have inspired me to round up other celebrities who’ve made great analogies about love, dating, and relationships. Tell us your favorite in the comments section.
Salon.com’s advice column, Since You Asked, featured a question last week from a woman who has made a conscious choice to only date nice guys. With a history of choosing jerks –some who were even emotionally abusive — she went to therapy and worked on herself, sorted out her family history, and now finds herself dating a really good dude, who she is afraid may be too boring for her. After the jump, the advice that Cary Tennis gave her that I found very enlightening. Keep reading »
As a college grad, seeing the words “college” and “dating” together in one sentence almost seems like an oxymoron. The [sad] truth is that in a college environment, traditional dating is very far from the norm. As we all know, dating culture in college = hooking up. There are still plenty of romantic hopefuls, though, who prefer to tread the traditional waters. Whether in college or not, everyone could always use a little guidance when it comes to the dating game. (And now that the new school year is quickly approaching, I’m sure a few of you undergrads are getting the jitters about picking up the pace again with that college boyfriend of yours!)
So in light of these back to school jitters, I present to you the 1o Commandments of College Dating… Read more… Keep reading »
Earlier this month, Jenni “JWoww” Farley became the third “Jersey Shore” cast member to pen a book, releasing The Rules According to JWoww: Shore Tested Secrets on Landing a Mint Guy, Staying Fresh to Death, and Kicking the Competition. (The Situation and Snooki beat her to the bookshelves.) “Women need dating rules like they need bras,” she writes in the intro. “Sure, you can go without them, but if you do—and you’re sporting a nice boob job like I am—you are gonna be flopping out there in the wind. You need the right support.” Nice analogy? [MSNBC]
JWoww has been on the road, hardcore promoting her 214 page book. On Wednesday night, she talked to Leno about it, giving him a few examples of her 60 rules. First, she explained, do not drink on a first date. “Don’t end up like we are on the show. Avoid that,” Jenni said. Yep, I’ll cosign on that.
After the jump, we’ve collected some of the rules from Jenni’s book that she’s discussed so far and rate how sound we think her advice is. Keep reading »
If you’re one of those girls who has a host of men in her life, but no one to bring to a wedding, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and it didn’t qualify as a “friends with benefits” situation, and you always end up being some sort of dating coach to the guys you’re really into, it’s time to get yourself out of the Friend Zone and into more datable territory. After the jump, seven ways to avoid the Friend Zone. Keep reading »