I’ve been in a relationship for a really long time, which means I haven’t technically “dated” since George W. Bush was president. Sometimes I feel a little nostalgic and curious about the dating lifestyle, but the other day, when I asked my boyfriend if it hurt when he fell from heaven, I realized there are a lot of things about dating that can — and should — translate to long-term relationships. Corny pick-up lines, for example. Here are a few more dating habits and rituals to keep in your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together… Keep reading »
If there’s any deeper message to be extracted from “Love In The Wild,” which premieres tonight 9/8c on NBC, it’s that you don’t want to get stuck in a snake pit with a crap ass partner. Teamwork is key on the dating competition show, in which single men and women pair off into couples and compete for a trip around the world – finding a partner that can be trusted to be loyal is the best chance they have to at achieving victory in the end (and finding love to boot). The same can be said of long-term relationships in the real world. The nice thing about competing in life-threatening challenges is that a person reveals their true colors right away. These things are not quite as easy to discern at a wine bar as they are when bungee jumping off a mountain. But there are clues that you can pay attention to that will let you know if he’s the kind of guy you’d want to go kayaking through the rain forest with … or endure a weekend at his parents’ together. Equally as dangerous! After the jump, some signs that he won’t be a great partner — “Love in the Wild” contestants, take notes! Keep reading »
When I use the words “men” and “rebound” in the same sentence, male minds might quickly conjure up thoughts of their favorite NBA teams. Women, however, understand that I am addressing the phenomenon of rushing into a new relationship after the dissolution of an old one. And while men aren’t the only ones guilty of this relationship ricochet, they are, by far, the most-likely to engage in this particular type of reactionary behavior.
So, what causes men to so quickly move from a break-up with you to the arms of another woman? Read more …
There comes a time in most relationships when you must decide to, excuse my Texan, ‘shit or get off the pot.’ Relationship milestones are no mystery. There’s the “getting to know one another and going on dates” phase, the “okay, we’re more than casual but not calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend (you know, because it’s really trendy to have commitment issues these days)” phase, followed by the “I mean, it’s obvious that we’re together exclusively, but we haven’t really talked about it” phase, and finally the “yeah, we’ve been dating for years” phase. Maybe there are a few I overlooked, but at each intersection of relationship stages, a moment of decision arises. To stay or not to stay? That is the question. Progressing through each stage requires a deeper level of compatibility and the willingness to make a larger commitment. Do you have it? Read more …
Ladies, you know when you meet a guy you really like, and you think, “This could be the one!” But something feels off. It feels sort of like you are single-handedly dragging the relationship up a mountain, or kind of pushing it up a hill with one finger? Because it seems like the guy gives mixed signals. One day he is so into you, and the next day, you’re not quite so sure, and then you’re all confused and like, “Should I stay or should I go?” Yeah, when you’re quoting The Clash, it’s a bad sign. Well, take heart, you’re not crazy. You could merely be dealing with a Commitmentphobe. Commitmentphobes can be found anywhere; however, they tend to congregate in urban areas where men outnumber women. These guys look like every other guy, but they talk differently.
So how to tell if you’ve got one of these slithery specimans? You need a translator. You need a Commitmentphobic Dictionary of Terms and Phrases.
Here are 8 classic lines commitmentphobic dudes say, and what they really mean (can also be used for commitmentphobic women):
Let’s take things slow. Meaning: Let’s sleep together really fast but take everything else really slow. Read more …
One afternoon this week, I was putzing around on Twitter, procrastinating on work, when a tweet from Patti Stanger, the star of “Millionaire Matchmaker,” caught my eye. “Part of acting like a lady involves allowing him to be a gentleman,” she tweeted.
Hmmm, I thought. That’s just good advice. Then I thought about it for a second. Wait. What does that even mean? It sounds like a riddle. The more I thought about it, the less it made sense and the more it seemed to be zen koan-like thought farts.
Patti Stanger’s Twitter feed is filled with these thought farts. Like her Bravo show ”Millionaire Matchmaker,” she offers a melange of useful observations on dating and relationships, mixed with some truly reactionary, fucked-up advice that seeks to corral both men and women into normative gender role behavior. (In fact, we’ve debunked some of this fucked up-edness before.) Let me be clear: if people want to choose that normative gender role behavior himself or herself, that’s great. I choose it a lot of the time myself, in fact. But it’s not ethical to teach people their most successful strategy for finding love is to squeeze yourself into a box and follow the sexist script.
After the jump, let’s debunk some of Patti Stanger’s advice over Twitter … the good, the bad, and the truly WTF. Keep reading »
You’ve noticed that your partner seems sad, irritable, or overly critical. Maybe he has expressed hopelessness or guilt. You have noticed a loss of interest in his usual activities, concentration trouble, or changes in his sleep pattern. All these could be signs that your man is struggling with some form of depression.
Depression isn’t only hard for him; mood disturbances also have a big impact on your relationship. But how do you bring up the subject? Many men have difficulty talking about their feelings in the first place. The prospect of having a mental healthdisorder is difficult to hear for anyone. Even gentle suggestions that the problem may lie within himself will likely not be appreciated.
As the saying goes, “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” So what can you do to help? Let me start by explaining what not to do.
1. Don’t say “Look on the bright side.” People with depression may have a long list of what is wrong with the world. You as a non-depressed person may not agree and will want to convince your partner otherwise. Read more …
It’s your six-month anniversary and you’re convinced that you couldn’t have found a better guy. He has great morals, knows how to talk about his feelings and showers you with gifts regularly. To celebrate your anniversary, you hold each other close while watching “The Vow” and follow it up with a romantic dinner at your favorite Italian bistro. He surprises you with a horse and carriage ride through the park. You feel like you’re walking on air. And then he whispers, those three words into your ear.
“I love you.”
Everything is perfect … except that you don’t love him back. Keep reading »
Finding love is never easy– or so it seems when you’re single. As many women will admit, the bar scene isn’t always an ideal place to meet men and flirting with someone at work is sometimes frowned upon.
So if you’re “looking for love in all the wrong places” as the song goes… or just unsure of where to mingle with eligible singles, GalTime’s relationship expert Nikki Leigh has a few suggestions that just might help you get on the right path to meeting the man of your dreams.
According to Leigh, it’s possible to meet someone just about anywhere… whether it’s while shopping at the grocery store or while working out at the gym. Read more …
After a particularly bad breakup, most of us would admit to some crazy behavior. Of course, crazy is in the eye of the beholder … or the receiver. It may start innocently enough with drunken texts, Facebook stalking or obsessing over your need for closure. Unfortunately, every once and a while, a breakup sends even the most level-headed woman into a tailspin.
According to the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), there are nearly 400 diagnosable mental disorders — none of which have anything to do with the sudden onset of insanity after a breakup. Even doctors can get it wrong sometimes. In 1974, the APA removed homosexuality from the DSM as a mental disorder (thank you!), and they’ve added new disorders to the list since, such as Frotteurism (behaviors involving touching and rubbing against a non-consenting person). While a bad breakup probably won’t induce Frotteurism, it can cause seemingly intelligent, beautiful, educated, wonderful women to lose control. For the DSM-V, which comes out next year, I would like to offer up a new disorder for consideration — Post-Breakup Insanity, or PBI. Keep reading »