As I see it, there should be no discussion of a relationship, or exclusivity, within the first three months of dating. Those three months should be a drama and ultimatum-free zone. No jealousy or commitment. Just a period of savoring; the gritty, totally worth it hard work can come later. Save it, potentially, for the rest of your life.
If something works between two people, then there is no rush. That “click” will still be there in three months, and hopefully six, and a year, etc. And once you find that unlucky slob who will Eskimo kiss you when you’re sick, all you have to do in order to preserve your new found mutual attraction is to chill the f**k out, have faith, and not flinch. Let it happen. Keep reading »
I would never in a million years have thought I would take dating advice from Steve Harvey (I couldn’t watch his TV show), but he was on “Today” this morning promoting his new bestselling book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, and he actually sounded like he knew what he was talking about. The only thing I’m not sure about is his suggestion that we wait 90 days before giving a guy any “cookies.” By cookies, I think he means sex. If you were dating a guy and didn’t do anything physical for three months, wouldn’t he just up and leave? Keep reading »
Last night I had a date. It didn’t go so well, and I did everything in my power to get it off to a good start. I shaved my legs, washed my hair, and cleaned my apartment (hey, you never know). Alas, doing those seemed to have brought me bad luck. After the jump, how to jinx a date and how to guarantee it will go well. Keep reading »
When it comes to boyfriends, I have never gone for the sentimental type. Maybe it’s because my dad is the sort of guy who likes to sit in the backyard and throw knives at trees. Maybe it’s because I’m not so great at talking about feelings myself. Whatever the reason is, I’ve always had boyfriends that appreciated my ability to chug beer and refer to my breasts as “fun bags.” I prided myself on being above all of that romantic mush, but it turned out, I wasn’t. Because when a guy did show up and started telling me about his feelings right away, I was charmed. What I should have been was suspicious. Keep reading »
I need your help, I’m a Sagittarius (11/23/88) and my boyfriend is a Leo (07/30/89). He’s a really nice guy and he gets along very well with my family, but I feel like he lets people tread all over him. His mom uses him and treats him like a stepchild, and he just takes it. She’s never encouraged him to go to college, and she never motivates him to be better. I’m tired of him being a momma’s boy.
I’m also tired of being the only person encouraging him to do something for himself. I help my mom by babysitting for my siblings, while I also have two jobs, go to school part time, and study for exams; I don’t have time for a loser BF. He does nothing with his life, so we never have anything to talk about. And then there’s our sex life. I feel like an idiot when I’m trying to talk dirty. He’s quiet ALL the time, even in the middle of sex, and it’s always the same two positions. Our sex life is boring, despite the fact that I try so hard by wearing sexy and provocative things. He won’t even spank me! I just don’t know if I should stay with Mr. Nice Guy. – Ms. Naughty Girl Keep reading »
The biggest, baddest, most terrifying part of falling in love is opening up and letting yourself be vulnerable. When it works, love can seem like the stuff of fairytales: you meet someone, you get to know and like each other, you enter into a mutually trusting and respectful relationship, you fall deeply, madly, hopelessly in love, and you live happily ever after.
At least, for a while. Keep reading »
Now that I’m back on the “dating scene,” I’ve realized that I’m still borderline idiotic when it comes to male-female courtships. My last relationship started off pretty typically — a dinner date here, a movie date there — but quickly spiraled into very serious, very quickly. We said I love you within two months, moved in together within five months, and were together for nearly five years. I can’t recall when we or if we had the whole “boyfriend/girlfriend” discussion, or how we knew we were seeing each other exclusively. It’s unfortunate, because I could use that knowledge now. For example, how in the hell do you know when your fun, dating relationship has progressed into boyfriend/girlfriend territory? Is it when you have the “we’re banging each other exclusively” conversation? When introductions are made to friends? When one of you slips up and and says “my boyfriend” in front of the other? And let’s say you’re dating each other exclusively (because dating, not to mention sleeping, with multiple people is extremely time consuming), when does THAT change into BF/GF? Seriously, can you tell I am confused? The guys on my IM are here to help… Keep reading »
I’m a Leo (8/10/82) and my boyfriend is a Libra (9/25/81). We’ve been together for about two years and it’s the most compatible relationship I’ve ever had. Most of the time, he’s very sweet to me and would do anything for me. We love each other, marriage has come up in conversation, and we live together. However, he has a slight drinking problem. He’s cut back a lot since we temporarily broke up and got back together. He doesn’t drink every day, all day anymore. He’s not a violent drunk, and, actually, most of the time he doesn’t even get drunk.
Lately, though, when he has been drunk, he gets a little belligerent and says idiotic things that make no sense. It’s like he’s suffering from dementia. It’s really irritating, especially when he does this around my friends and makes them think he’s an idiot. When I tell him how he’s acting, he’s dismissive. Yesterday, he even called me a bitch, which he knows is my trigger word. I’ve been with an alcoholic before and the relationship was a terrible mess. I don’t want this one to get that way. Is it worth letting him take the slow road to recovery or should I just give up? – Fed Up With Nonsense Keep reading »
Between the Internet, blogging, and social networking, the concept of courtship can seem pretty antiquated. Depending on how Web-present you are, with the push of a button a guy could potentially access everything from your videotaped colonic to your SAT scores to mortifying details of your most recent heartbreak. All this before you’ve even met him in real life.
Once, I was regaling a new date with a funny story — only to have him interrupt and finish it for me. It wasn’t a case of sudden onset Alzheimer’s. I’d never met him before. He’d Googled me and read a piece I’d written that contained the anecdote. I was busted for plagiarizing my own material.
With any luck, your online presence isn’t as loud and embarrassing as mine. Still, living in a post-privacy world begs the question: How much information is too much information? Negotiating the privacy line becomes especially crucial when dating someone new. So here are some guidelines for what to reveal and what to leave unspoken. For now, anyway. Keep reading »