A few months ago, I was waiting for the subway after work. It was one of those days when all of the lines were screwed up. A guy next to me turned and asked, “How was your day today?” I was taken by surprise since, nine out of 10 New Yorkers waiting for the subway are either plugged into their iPod-Phone-Pads or have their faces buried in Kindles. To kill time, it was refreshing to have an actual conversation with a seemingly nice person. And I was happy I did, quickly learning he was an experienced financial reporter. As a fledgling journalist myself, we had a lot to chat about.
Twenty minutes later, the train came and our conversation turned personal. We started talking about our friends and relationships. He asked me if I was in a relationship. I said yes, long-distance, since my boyfriend is in Hong Kong for a year. He proceeded to tell me how he prefers his relationships to be more “convenient” and that he is currently single. I ended up leaving the train with his card and emailed him a few days later about officially meeting to talk about his media experience and any advice he might have for me as a beginning journalist. We decided to meet for a drink. He picked the place. Arriving at what turned out to be a dimly lit restaurant, he said, “Hey, sorry, there’s a wait for dinner.” Keep reading »
I love Dan Savage for a number of reasons. Among them, the “It Gets Better” campaign and the dumb but true advice that “every relationship fails until the one that doesn’t.” Aside from that, I love Dan because he offers smart, non-judgmental advice about sex and relationships, but will totally tell his readers if they’re doing something stupid (see also: DTMFA). So I’m really excited to see Dan in action — so to speak — on the new MTV show “Savage U.” “Savage U” follows Dan and producer Lauren Hutchins0n as they travel around college campuses answering embarrassing and need-to-know questions. You might not be in college, but chances are, you still want to know if a guy can tell if you’re faking an orgasm, right? (Debuts April 3 at 11 p.m. EST.) [MTV]
Draw-out \‘dro\ \’aut\ n. pl draw-outs : An event that prompts you, dear lady, to prolong a relationship you know you ought to end.
If there’s one sure thing besides death and taxes it’s that you, whoever you are, have, at some point in your romantic career, drawn out a relationship longer than was healthy. You’re not to be blamed. It’s a simple law of nature: Relationships never end when they’re supposed to. We all need food and water to survive, we all need a month or two or 20 between that first “Uh oh,” and the final trigger pulling, when we put the stiletto to the metal and fly the coup to Single Land.
But the Draw-Outs … oh, the Draw-Outs. They’re the delightful little excuses that keep us keeping the relationship on. A Draw-Out can be something like, “Oh, it’s Christmas.” Or, “Oh, I’m in a wedding this month.” Or, “Oh, I just endured a phone call with my mother in which she said the word ‘cystic’ and then ‘ovaries.’”
The question, then, is “For how long?” For how long will your Draw-Out keep you in the game? The answer is dependent upon you, of course, and your personal ability to cling. I, for one, am highly clingy. Nay! Expertly clingy. And a gal like me? Well, let’s just say that I can Draw Out these suckers like it’s my job. No one drums up Draw-Outs more absurd, more niche, more pathetically impressive than yours truly. So do I gift unto to you my top five Draw Out greatest hits that you may feel free to avoid. Keep reading »
My track record is as follows: three dates scored with men I’ve met at airports; one date obtained at the ATM; four phone numbers exchanged on the NYC subway; one boyfriend landed at the Apple Store. Also, there was the Trader Joe’s check out boy who showed up on my doorstep with a rose (I invited him over after he bagged my groceries), the spinning instructor whose class I sweated through every Saturday for a year before he asked me out. That was before I dated the dentist from my bootcamp class. And yeah, that guy I met at hot yoga.
The rest of my boyfriends or dates were discovered in more conventional social situations — at parties, events, or through friends. I’ve gone on four online dates in my life. All of which were COMPLETE flops. There was a guy who was obsessed with his cat, one who was in sex therapy, one wanted by the federal government, and one who stalked me. As an online dater, I am failure. I must not “present” well in a virtual setting and I certainly don’t know how to pick ‘em. But offline, I can’t deny I have a certain knack for meeting guys wherever I go. Why is this? I know women more attractive than me who don’t meet men. It’s not really about conventional attractiveness though. Some of my friends have suggested that it’s because of my hair. The wild, curly mane makes me approachable, they say. Maybe so. But I think there’s more to it. After the jump, a few simple tips to meet more men … offline. Keep reading »
Recently, I met a guy that I liked at a party. When we were saying our goodbyes, he suggested we continue our conversation. I assumed he meant that we would do this by Facebook or email or text or Gchat — you know, the usual ways I communicate with potential love interests. When he wrote down his phone number and suggested that I call him, my response was, “On the phone?” He laughed. “Yes, on the phone.” My heart began to jackhammer at the mere thought of dialing his number. I couldn’t? Could I? Maybe I could? I felt, well, I felt like I used to feel back in my high school and college days. Back when there was no Facebook or text or email or Gchat and you had to talk to the people you were dating.
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It’s pretty obvious that men and women communicate differently—that simple fact has been the basis for many a tired sitcom or rom com plot. But the gender divide in communication is an interesting one to explore, especially in terms of relationships. Tokii investigated these differences and found some surprising results (see infographic below) that are worth paying attention to if you’d like to keep your relationship (and your sex life) intact. Yeah, we thought that might grab your attention.
“We need to talk.” We call that the “phrase that launched a thousand breakups.” It’s pretty easy to dread the conversation that follows once someone speaks those four words. Tokii’s results show that 89 percent of men assume the worst when their partner says “Let’s talk,” only 61 percent of women do the same. The takeaway? Find a new way to initiate difficult conversations. Read more …
When it comes to men, I have a type. Physically, he’s tall and lean. He’s also the soft-spoken intellectual and creative type. And more often than not, he’s emotionally unavailable and self-absorbed. And yet, I date him over and over again, like a broken record stuck on one false note.
This might be why there’s an entire dating industry geared toward women. And as much as you might want to blame it on “Sex and the City,” the truth of the matter is that many women, myself included, don’t always go for the right type of guy. You may now cue the latest romantic comedy that you don’t want to believe is loosely based on your life. But in honor of New Year, New You Month, it’s time for a change Keep reading »
Your passive-aggressive aunt bought you a Match.com subscription for Christmas. While your first impulse was to hit her with a brick, you’ve always been curious about online dating. “What the heck?” you figure. “I’ll write an ad and take a look around.” But when you’re on your own in virtual reality, the search for computer-generated love can be daunting. Here are the top online dating types to avoid. Keep reading »
Guess who I’m not hopping into to bed with? The guy who just moments ago confessed that his dream in life is to “live in a yurt.” No offense to his dream, but my dream is never to go camping, never to interface with wild animals, and never go without running water or poop in a hole unless emergency dictates it. Just moments earlier, I was digging this fellow and now all I can see when I look at him is a vision of what he will look after a few years in his yurt — a little bit like Tom Hanks in “Castaway.” “No thanks,” says my vagina. After the jump, some things that guys have said to us that killed our attraction to them in two seconds flat. Keep reading »
Whether you’ve been dating for weeks or years, the first holiday meal you spend at his family’s house is unnerving. Hopefully, you’ve met his family before this big day, though maybe you haven’t. Regardless, the premiere Thanksgiving at his parents’ house is an entirely new adventure –who knows what you’re walking into? Each family has its own set of rituals, customs, and holiday expectations, not to mention unique ways of communicating, joking — and making stuffing. Here are 10 tips to help you minimize any potential awkwardness so that you won’t feel like the odd (wo)man out, and can instead focus on the marathon eating. And if you’re a liberal vegetarian and his parents are meat-worshiping Tea Partiers, maybe read this list twice.
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