I was just talking to a friend about her new, amazing, best-sex-ever relationship. She said her first date with her now girlfriend was awful. They had nothing to talk about and it was awkward as hell.
“Why did you go out again?” I asked.
“We had already planned a second date before the first. It was a fluke,” she explained.
Now my friend is having the best sex of her life, something she wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t given this woman a second chance.
When I first moved to New York City, I dated pretty heavily. Wait. Heavily is the wrong word — that implies getting in deep, right? I dated many different guys. But I only went out with one of them more than once.
How is that even possible? Looking back, I see that since I only went out with them once, they were fundamentally the same exact guy — First Date Guy. Keep reading »
I’ve only been off the market for two months and already, the dating world is like a bad, distant memory I want to put in a shoe box and hide under my bed.
I have to ask myself, Am I being melodramatic? Was it really that bad? When I distill it down, there was really one thing that made dating unbearable: other people’s advice.
Because dating can be overwhelming, confusing and wrought with powerful emotions, our instinct is often to seek counsel outside of ourselves. But trying to apply other people’s advice, even advice given by professionals, to our dating lives, which are extremely personal, is like walking around in a pair of shoes that don’t fit. You’re going to get blisters. The best thing anyone could have told me to do was figure out what was best for me and do that. If only I had been following my own gut, I might have had a better time dating.
Below are some of the most unhelpful pieces of dating advice I’ve ever received … Keep reading »
One time, a guy I had been dating for more than a month canceled our Saturday night date, calling an hour before we were supposed to meet, telling me that he was “itching all over.” I’m putting that phrase in quotes because that is exactly what he said. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried. I followed this up with the normal questions a person would ask:
Did you see the doctor?
Are you running a fever?
Are you having an allergic reaction to something? Keep reading »
The Beatles had it right when they crooned “Money can’t buy me love.” For sure. It’s impossible to put a price tag on the important things in relationships. BUT … if opening his wallet to buy you a drink throws your date into an existential crisis, there’s a problem.
Now that I’m and “adult” and living on my own, I’m forced to come to grips with what it takes to be financially responsible for myself. Meaning, I prioritize my car payment and rent over the many cute new outfits that I would like to buy. And to be honest, I’m finding that it isn’t such a difficult concept to grasp. So what is it, then, with the guys I end up dating? Every man I’ve been out with lately has a dysfunctional relationship with his wallet: cheapskates, millionaires, and the down-and-out and broke. It’s getting to be annoying. Keep reading »
Disclaimer: I am not a sports person, so please pardon my fumbling attempt at sports metaphors but … if you are injured, get off the playing field. I am not actually talking about sports, obviously, although I think it might be football season because all my guy friends have disappeared. But this is a dating column. So … the sport of DATING! It’s brutal! This weekend, one of my best friends got dumped, out-of-the-blue, by a girl she had been dating rather seriously for a couple of months. Of course, I was pissed because she’s my friend and how dare anyone dump her because she’s fabulous. But I was specifically pissed about why she was dumped.
The reason for this unexpected dumping was because “things were headed in a serious direction” and the woman she was dating “couldn’t handle anything serious right now.” BIGGEST EYE ROLL EVER. Keep reading »
You know that stupid saying, “assuming makes an ass of you and me”? I hate that saying, it’s annoying, but in the case of dating, it’s true. You may be having omigodtheverybesttimeofyourlife dating this new and wonderful creature. You may be spending every weekend at his place and making stupid shmoopy eyes at each other over dinner and playing tonsil hockey in the park like teenagers, but that DOES NOT make him your boo. At least not until you’ve discussed it and have both agreed upon the terms of service for your relationship.
How do I know this? Oh, because I’ve made this mistake before. Too many times. The first time I made it was when I was 18. I went away for the summer after my freshman year of college, assuming that the letters and packages and emails my dude sent me meant we were in a serious, committed relationship. It did to me — but not to him. When I came back to town in the fall — actually, before the fall because I missed him so much — he abruptly left me for the girl who lived across the hall. She wore striped knee socks and played the guitar. I would watch him come over to visit her through my peephole. It was awful. She later became a famous rock star and dumped him. Oh, KARMA. Keep reading »
This past weekend, I had brunch with a single guy friend and, as I tend to do when I’m in these situations, I took advantage of the opportunity to ask him questions about dating.
“So, what’s the your least favorite thing about dating?” I asked.
“When I’m on a dates, I hate when women project their dating history onto me,” he replied.
“You mean like they talk about their baggage?”
“No,” he said, “But it’s like I can tell who’s sat in the chair before me by they way they act.” Keep reading »
As parents must safeguard their homes against the presence of a toddler, so must single men prepare their apartments for the company of a woman. This process is called girlproofing. I must give credit where credit is due here. It was the great John DeVore of “Mind of Man” fame who coined the term. He once told me that he refused to let a woman he liked into his apartment until it was properly “girlproofed.” John DeVore is a wise man. For he understands that if a woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable at his place, she’s probably never coming back. Keep reading »
One of the more annoying things about dating is being given unsolicited advice by the smug couples of the world, the most offensive kind being played out platitudes about love. Thanks. I’m sure “my time will come” but when? How? At least say something helpful if you’re going to shove your advice down my throat. And by the way, just because I’m not currently in love doesn’t mean I’ve never experienced it before. I have, thank you very much. And here’s what I learned from my experiences: Falling in love is a wonderful, mystical, magical thing, but it’s complicated and nuanced and rare. Every time you fall in love it’s as unique as a snowflake, so it’s absolutely impossible to generalize with some stale old saying. I humbly request a ban on the following love adages on the grounds that they’re stupid and untrue. Oh, and I give you permission to close your ears the next time you hear these phrases … Keep reading »