Tag Archives: dating donts

Dating Don’ts: In Praise Of The Work Boyfriend

Dating Don'ts: In Praise Of The Work Boyfriend

I used to work with someone who was smart, funny, a little goofy, and relatively handsome. From his first day, I could tell that we were going to get along. Sure enough, after a few weeks, we had a routine. We smoked a morning cigarette together and discussed weekend plans. We stood next to each other at work-mandated happy hours and drank bourbon, gossiping under our breath. If I was having a horrible day, he could tell from the timbre of my typing. We were inseparable during the workday, always there for each other, able to communicate complex sentences and emotions in a few words and a glance. After a while, I told him everything — doubts about my career path, complaints about the person I was dating, and he reciprocated in kind. From the outside, it would seem that we had been dating for years. Our interactions were marked with the easy-going nature that the best relationships have. We settled into a pattern that sustained throughout the entire time we worked together. It was the easiest relationship I had ever had. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Why Public Proposals Are Mortifying

Dating Don'ts: Why Public Proposals Are Mortifying

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on a roof deck with two friends, enjoying the first rays of the pre-summer sun and drinking a beer when I looked up in the sky and saw someone’s life change. A skywriter was doggedly etching a message out into the cloudless blue expanse. We paused our conversation to watch the words form. We didn’t see the name, but the words “Will You Marry Me?” hovered against the blue for a few minutes until they eventually vanished.

“Did that really happen?” my friend asked.

I shrugged. “It’s probably an ad for something,” I said. “Who actually does that?”

Later, through the power of the internet, I found out that the stunt that half of Williamsburg had seen that Sunday wasn’t an insidious marketing campaign for a summer rom-com. It was a real proposal, with a happy ending (spoiler alert: she said yes). I’m sure this couple will be very happy together, and I wish them the best, but the mortification I felt at the notion of the public proposal cannot be denied. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: To Swipe Left Or Right? Some Thoughts On Tinder

Dating Don'ts: To Swipe Left Or Right? Some Thoughts On Tinder
Dating Don'ts: Tinder
Dating Don'ts: Everything That Can Go Wrong On Tinder And Grouper
Things can go terribly wrong on Tinder. Read More »

My first experience with Tinder was on the patio of my favorite bar one night last summer, sitting with friend. “You have to try this app,” she told me. “You’re gonna love it.”

I was out of a relationship, not interested in dating, but needed some sort of nudge to get me back in the game, any game, lest I die alone in an apartment surrounded by empty cans of cat food and back issues of Us Weekly. Tinder seemed to be the trick, and at first, I was fascinated. Technology is truly a wonder. I had my pick of whatever Williamsburg had to offer — the good, the bad, the eye roll-y. What a world! Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Get Yourself A Spring Fling!

Dating Don'ts: Get Yourself A Spring Fling!

The long cold winter of our discontent has finally started to ease its grip on most of the country. If you live on the East Coast, you’ve most likely been buried in a never-ending pile of snow and frigid weather, seemingly doomed to spend the rest of your life mouldering in your abode, turning as pale and sour as spoiled milk. The past couple of weeks have seen the resurgence of something beautiful — warm weather! Flowers are blooming, the trees are heavy with blossoms, and when you leave work, it’s still light out and the air smells like the promise of short shorts, the beach and exposing your toes — and your winter-hardened heart — to the light. And what’s that in the distance? Ahh yes, a spring fling is on the horizon. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: A Field Guide To Pet Names For Your Significant Other

Dating Don'ts: A Field Guide To Pet Names For Your Significant Other

Part of the fun of starting a relationship is the shared discovery of the things that make you tick as a unit. Establishing a Sunday routine, dedicating a night to each other to stay in and watch shitty movies on Netflix — this is what keeps the engine of your coupledom running smoothly. The more comfortable you get, the more likely you are to fall into established, cozy patterns. Take the pet name, one of the more revealing aspects of your life together. What you decide to call your person in public or in private speaks volumes about your relationship, but there are so many to choose from, it’s hard to say what works and what doesn’t. I used to call my ex-boyfriend “boo,” and was fine with it until one Christmas at his parents house, when I discovered that that was what his mother called him — suddenly, “boo” was weirdly inappropriate. You want to choose the right pet name, one that’s appropriate for the place your relationship is at. I’m here to help. Read on for a field guide to relationship pet names. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Is Chivalry Dead? Maybe It Should Be

Dating Don'ts: Is Chivalry Dead? Maybe It Should Be
I Like Chivalry
On Jessica's newfound respect for men who behave chivalrously. Read More »

I’ve never been one for chivalry. I prefer to do things my way, and take pride in my own ability to lift things that are heavy, open doors on my own and find my coat in a sea of bodies and sad down jackets at a crowded bar. I’ve been with men who are completely unchivalrous, men who I’ve had to kick in the shins to lift a finger to help me carry an air conditioner up the stairs, and I’ve been with men who have fallen over themselves to get the door for me, even though I was already in the process of opening it. There’s a finesse to the art, a way of doing things that falls in between a fawning obsequiousness and a genuine gesture, bred of genteel manners and a different way of living.

There’s a fine line between chivalry and common courtesy. Holding a door open for someone who’s hands are full is good home training. Giving your seat up for a pregnant woman on the bus is good home training. Helping me into my coat at a restaurant is unnecessary, awkward and assumes that deep down, you are unconfident in my ability to put on my own outerwear when the fact of the matter is I have been dressing myself for longer than we’ve been acquainted. I understand that this is a gesture of kindness, but I view it as a harbinger of times past — and quite frankly, the past is where it should stay. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Love In The Age Of Instagram

Dating Don'ts: Love In The Age Of Instagram

I have an inveterate aversion to the unexpected. I hate surprise parties. I conduct extensive consumer research before I purchase anything, from new shoes to vacuum cleaners. The idea of plunging blind into a situation fills me with a mounting dread, a gnawing in the pit of my stomach knowing that I have no say in the outcome. This charming quirk has led me on a lifelong journey to impart control over a variety of situations that are inherently uncontrollable — the job search, the actions of others, and most importantly, dating. Any way you slice it, dating is fucking terrifying for me, because the unexpected is the norm. The carefully edited OKCupid or How About We profile and the brief dossier provided by a well-meaning friend only reveals so much. How can you know more before you’ve even met? This week, in an article in The New York Post, I read about Glimpse, a new dating app that offers the alluring prospect of stripping some of the mystery away. By allowing users to view the Instagram profiles of potential matches, Glimpse removes a layer from the murky soup of contemporary dating, offering users a deeper glimpse into the interests of other singles. If you like what you see, “smile” at the person through the app, and if it’s a match, you’re well on your way to love. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 7 Somewhat Universal Online Dating Dealbreakers

Outsmarting Online Dating
Meet Amy Webb, The Woman Who Outsmarted Online Dating
Watch a TED talk from a woman who hacked online dating. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Tinder Profiles
Dating Don'ts: 9 Tinder Profiles That Made Me Swipe Left
These types of Tinder profiles make women want to swipe left. Read More »
Online Dating Lies
Here's some of the whoppers people use in their profile. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 7 Somewhat Universal Online Dating Dealbreakers

Online dating is a wild and wooly world full of missed connections, delicate communications, and the unique, but not uncommon experience of getting to know someone enough to meet them for one to two beers through a series of messages on the internet. This is the world we live in, and the beauty of online dating is that the carefully worded profile lets you try before you buy. All profile info is to be taken with a grain of salt, but there’s an art to the carefully crafted profile. We all have our personal dealbreakers, but there are some that are (somewhat — there are always exceptions!) universal. Let’s explore… Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: The Importance Of Independence

Dating Don'ts: LDR
Dating-Don'ts--How-To-Do-The-Adult-Long-Distance-Relationship
How to do an LDR as an adult. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Island
Dating Dont's: Relationship Island
Why your single friends don't want to join you on Relationship Island... Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Texters
13 Types Of Texters To Weary Of
These types of texters are worth being weary of. Read More »
Dating-Don’ts--The-Importance-of-Independence

My ex-boyfriend’s parents have been married for years, but they sleep in separate beds. At first, I found this practice strange, a manifestation of a marriage that no longer had the sparkle, one that had become more comfortable and practical than anything else.

I was wrong.

His parents were, in fact, perfectly content, deeply comfortable and happy with each other. Theirs was a long-lasting and functional marriage that ran smoothly on a combination of the comfort of knowing someone very well for a very long time, and the glorious amount of independence they each shared. His mother, an avid fly-fisher and traveller, spent a lot of time out of the country, exploring the world in her retirement. His father disliked travel, and preferred curling up with a good spy novel and the 49ers. She went on her trips, he read his books, and they were happier for it. For me, they were an example of pure success, something to aspire to, the best way to be together and independent. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: How To Do The Adult Long-Distance Relationship

Dating Don'ts:Dinner
Dating Don'ts: 4 Things You Can Learn From Your Dinner Date
You can learn a lot from going out to dinner with someone. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Travel
The DOs and DONT's of travel hookups. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Driftwood
Dating Don'ts: Where There Is Driftwood
Where there is driftwood, there are better relationships. Read More »
Dating-Don'ts--How-To-Do-The-Adult-Long-Distance-Relationship

Say you meet a handsome stranger one night in the corner of a dark bar. He’s visiting from somewhere else, but something clicks and all of a sudden it’s on. After a whirlwind week where you manage to cram in a months’ worth of getting to know you, he leaves, back to his life and you to yours. The inevitable ennui sets in, but before you chalk this up to another fling with no staying power, do yourself a favor: Consider the adult long-distance relationship.   Keep reading »

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