Tag Archives: dating donts

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Approach Exclusivity

Dating Don'ts: Not Your Ex
The new guy is not your ex. Read More »
Not Quite Exclusive
Here are some types of pre-exclusive relationships. Read More »
Dating Don'ts:Girlproofing
Girlproofing your apartment is very important. Read More »

You know that stupid saying, “assuming makes an ass of you and me”? I hate that saying, it’s annoying, but in the case of dating, it’s true. You may be having omigodtheverybesttimeofyourlife dating this new and wonderful creature. You may be spending every weekend at his place and making stupid shmoopy eyes at each other over dinner and playing tonsil hockey in the park like teenagers, but that DOES NOT make him your boo. At least not until you’ve discussed it and have both agreed upon the terms of service for your relationship.

How do I know this? Oh, because I’ve made this mistake before. Too many times. The first time I made it was when I was 18. I went away for the summer after my freshman year of college, assuming that the letters and packages and emails my dude sent me meant we were in a serious, committed relationship. It did to me — but not to him. When I came back to town in the fall — actually, before the fall because I missed him so much — he abruptly left me for the girl who lived across the hall. She wore striped knee socks and played the guitar. I would watch him come over to visit her through my peephole. It was awful. She later became a famous rock star and dumped him. Oh, KARMA. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: He’s Not Your Ex

Dating Don'ts: Dumb Adages
These love adages are stupid. Ignore them. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Ghosting
Thou shalt not ghost your love interests. Read More »

This past weekend, I had brunch with a single guy friend and, as I tend to do when I’m in these situations, I took advantage of the opportunity to ask him questions about dating.

“So, what’s the your least favorite thing about dating?” I asked.

“When I’m on a dates, I hate when women project their dating history onto me,” he replied.

“You mean like they talk about their baggage?”

“No,” he said, “But it’s like I can tell who’s sat in the chair before me by they way they act.” Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: The Importance Of Girlproofing

Dating Don'ts: Dumb Adages
These love adages are stupid. Ignore them. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Kisses
Women fear these types of first kisses. Read More »

As parents must safeguard their homes against the presence of a toddler, so must single men prepare their apartments for the company of a woman. This process is called girlproofing. I must give credit where credit is due here. It was the great John DeVore of “Mind of Man” fame who coined the term. He once told me that he refused to let a woman he liked into his apartment until it was properly “girlproofed.” John DeVore is a wise man. For he understands that if a woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable at his place, she’s probably never coming back. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Love Adages NOT To Live By

Dating Don'ts: Kisses
Women fear these types of first kisses. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Baggage
We all have it. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: He's Back!
Why you should be wary when you hear from him unexpectedly. Read More »

One of the more annoying things about dating is being given unsolicited advice by the smug couples of the world, the most offensive kind being played out platitudes about love. Thanks. I’m sure “my time will come” but when? How? At least say something helpful if you’re going to shove your advice down my throat. And by the way, just because I’m not currently in love doesn’t mean I’ve never experienced it before. I have, thank you very much. And here’s what I learned from my experiences: Falling in love is a wonderful, mystical, magical thing, but it’s complicated and nuanced and rare. Every time you fall in love it’s as unique as a snowflake, so it’s absolutely impossible to generalize with some stale old saying. I humbly request a ban on the following love adages on the grounds that they’re stupid and untrue. Oh, and I give you permission to close your ears the next time you hear these phrases … Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 7 Kinds Of First Kisses Women Fear

Dating Don't: Bunny Boiler
How to recover if you've acted insane. Read More »
Guy Talk: First Move
How does a guy know when to make the first move? Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Vag Killers
These things kill a vagina. Read More »

Two of my most major dating anxieties are A) having nothing to talk about and B) the first kiss. I fear having nothing to talk about, not because I don’t have anything to talk about, but if I’m sitting across from an uncommunicative human for an hour, I will feel compelled to fill up every second of that hour with words. And for those of you who similarly fear awkward silences, you know how much energy it takes to fill an entire hour with words. It’s soul sucking.

That was a tangent. I’m really here to talk about first kiss anxiety, which is way, way more serious. I think there are two schools of thought on first kisses: Those who think a bad first kiss indicates incompatibility and those who believe that kissing is not all-important. If you’re a member of Team Kissing Is Not All-Important, it’s all-important for me to be up front and tell you that we don’t have anything to talk about. A bad first kiss is enough to put me off the person … forever. So, when I’m on a date, and we do have stuff to talk about, I am then free to live in fearful anticipation of that first lip lock. I understand that everyone has different kissing styles and preferences, and there is a spectrum of what may be considered enjoyable, but I’ve consulted with other women, and they agree with me, there are certain kinds of kisses that are universally unwelcome. After the jump, some kinds of first kisses that will render romance DOA. Don’t be an offender. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Quit Trying So Hard (As Demonstrated By Two Contestants On Last Night’s Episode Of “Bachelor Pad”)

Dating Don'ts: Baggage
We all have it. Read More »
Dating Don't: Bunny Boiler
How to recover if you've acted insane. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 5 Minutes
We are instating the 5-minute rule. Read More »
Do not sketch your date's face!

While watching last night’s episode of “Bachelor Pad,” I had two distinct thoughts: 1) Michael Stagliano is the only normal person on this show and 2) the worst thing you can do on a date is try too hard. I have been so, so guilty of this. I’m sure all of us have. But this was like my dating self’s tragic flaw. As a former actress, the instinct to impress was ingrained in me, and this extended to my love life. I thought I had to give ‘em a little extra flair to make them cast me as the part of “girlfriend.” Wrong.

I didn’t do this physically. I brought gifts. This is as embarrassing for me to talk about as it is for you to read. There were cookies baked, mixed CDs made, a copy of  The Unbearable Lightness of Being with a hand-written inscription presented. All before the third date. As you can probably guess, these guys ran for the hills. They were probably frightened. Just as frightened as Jamie was when Ryan over-celebrated her birthday — spelling her name out in licorice on her bed, giving her flowers and balloons, and getting her sushi. Or as uncomfortable as Michael was when Donna presented him with a sketch of his face during their date one-on-one time. Cringe. Keep reading »

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