As parents must safeguard their homes against the presence of a toddler, so must single men prepare their apartments for the company of a woman. This process is called girlproofing. I must give credit where credit is due here. It was the great John DeVore of “Mind of Man” fame who coined the term. He once told me that he refused to let a woman he liked into his apartment until it was properly “girlproofed.” John DeVore is a wise man. For he understands that if a woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable at his place, she’s probably never coming back. Keep reading »
One of the more annoying things about dating is being given unsolicited advice by the smug couples of the world, the most offensive kind being played out platitudes about love. Thanks. I’m sure “my time will come” but when? How? At least say something helpful if you’re going to shove your advice down my throat. And by the way, just because I’m not currently in love doesn’t mean I’ve never experienced it before. I have, thank you very much. And here’s what I learned from my experiences: Falling in love is a wonderful, mystical, magical thing, but it’s complicated and nuanced and rare. Every time you fall in love it’s as unique as a snowflake, so it’s absolutely impossible to generalize with some stale old saying. I humbly request a ban on the following love adages on the grounds that they’re stupid and untrue. Oh, and I give you permission to close your ears the next time you hear these phrases … Keep reading »
Two of my most major dating anxieties are A) having nothing to talk about and B) the first kiss. I fear having nothing to talk about, not because I don’t have anything to talk about, but if I’m sitting across from an uncommunicative human for an hour, I will feel compelled to fill up every second of that hour with words. And for those of you who similarly fear awkward silences, you know how much energy it takes to fill an entire hour with words. It’s soul sucking.
That was a tangent. I’m really here to talk about first kiss anxiety, which is way, way more serious. I think there are two schools of thought on first kisses: Those who think a bad first kiss indicates incompatibility and those who believe that kissing is not all-important. If you’re a member of Team Kissing Is Not All-Important, it’s all-important for me to be up front and tell you that we don’t have anything to talk about. A bad first kiss is enough to put me off the person … forever. So, when I’m on a date, and we do have stuff to talk about, I am then free to live in fearful anticipation of that first lip lock. I understand that everyone has different kissing styles and preferences, and there is a spectrum of what may be considered enjoyable, but I’ve consulted with other women, and they agree with me, there are certain kinds of kisses that are universally unwelcome. After the jump, some kinds of first kisses that will render romance DOA. Don’t be an offender. Keep reading »
While watching last night’s episode of “Bachelor Pad,” I had two distinct thoughts: 1) Michael Stagliano is the only normal person on this show and 2) the worst thing you can do on a date is try too hard. I have been so, so guilty of this. I’m sure all of us have. But this was like my dating self’s tragic flaw. As a former actress, the instinct to impress was ingrained in me, and this extended to my love life. I thought I had to give ‘em a little extra flair to make them cast me as the part of “girlfriend.” Wrong.
I didn’t do this physically. I brought gifts. This is as embarrassing for me to talk about as it is for you to read. There were cookies baked, mixed CDs made, a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being with a hand-written inscription presented. All before the third date. As you can probably guess, these guys ran for the hills. They were probably frightened. Just as frightened as Jamie was when Ryan over-celebrated her birthday — spelling her name out in licorice on her bed, giving her flowers and balloons, and getting her sushi. Or as uncomfortable as Michael was when Donna presented him with a sketch of his face during their date one-on-one time. Cringe. Keep reading »
You, single woman out there in the dating world, be prepared. For you are going to get bombs dropped on you. The person you are dating has baggage and not all of it is adorable. Every person has unflattering moments in their dating past. Everyone has suffered hardships in their lives. You may find yourself in a situation where you are hit with a revelation you weren’t ready for. Whether it comes up naturally in conversation, you ask the wrong question, or it slips out of his mouth after the second glass of wine, at some point, your date is going to tell you something about himself that may catch you off guard. Ideally, you won’t find out that he broke off an engagement a few months before the wedding until your fourth or fifth date, but you made a joke about getting married on date two, and WHOOMP, there it is. How you react to the baggage bomb is EVERYTHING. Don’t run for cover. Don’t write him off. This is an opportunity to build trust with this person and get to know him better. After the jump, some tips for surviving baggage bombs. Keep reading »
Disclaimer: If you’re reading this right now and have the urge to put your love interest’s pet in a pot of boiling water, stop reading and seek professional help immediately. This is not for you. This is for everyone else in the world, for we’ve all had bunny boiling moments. Please don’t even front like you’ve never behaved like an insane person in your dating life. Every single one of us, with the exception of PERFECT PEOPLE or those who are not yet old enough to have experienced temporary romantic insanity, have had off-the-richter scale embarrassing bunny boiling moments. Whether motivated by excessive drunkenness,insane jealousy, crippling insecurity, the aftermath is always the same. Mortifying. We shall not dwell on why you stalked your ex and showed up at the karaoke bar to confront him and his new girlfriend (that’s for you and your therapist to discuss), we want to talk about how to recover from the incident with your dignity intact. One incident of bunny boiling does not make you a psycho a la Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction,” it makes you a human being who made a mistake that you now need to atone for. Some suggestions after the jump. Keep reading »
There’s nothing worse than a dater with loose lips. While I totally understand the impulse to seek dating advice or share the blow-by-blow of your love life with close friends or family members, I urge you to do so with extreme caution. I strongly feel that dating should be conducted with as much dignity and discretion as one can muster. I know, it’s hard sometimes when FEELINGS are involved. Oh FEELINGS. I have ended up in too many uncomfortable situations because of my own inability to keep my mouth shut. I’ve also had the misfortune of dating a couple of dudes who had no idea how to keep our private business under wraps. So let this be a reminder to them and me and to all of you: Don’t let your FEELINGS overtake your COMMON SENSE. Think before you speak about someone you dated, especially if you have friends or colleagues in common. Not only does it make you look bad to be running your mouth and burning up Facebook and Twitter about your dating escapades, but on the off chance that it gets back to him or her (and it always does), it could really hurt someone’s FEELINGS even more. After the jump, some hard and fast rules for making sure you aren’t undatable because of your big mouth. Keep reading »
The really crappy thing about being ghosted or suddenly dumped or inexplicably ditched by a guy you were dating is that it leaves the door open for him to contact you in the future. In the meantime, you are forced to fill in the blanks about what went wrong and wonder if you’ll ever find out. After more than 15 years on the dating circuit, I am going to share a nugget with you: You will almost always hear from him again, he who made a not-so-graceful exit from your life. And it will be when you least expect it. Keep reading »
I am officially, unofficially implementing a new rule for coupled people everywhere. Please, please, please if you are spoken for, you must mention it within five minutes of having a flirty conversation with me. I am forever meeting men in social situations (I’m sure ladies do this too, so feel free to chime in guys) who will sit and talk to me for 15 minutes, half hour, sometimes even longer, will go so far as to get my number or give me theirs and wait until the very last second that we’re saying good bye to inform me that they are in a relationship or even married. On occasion, these guys have neglected to mention said girlfriend/fianceé/ wife until our first — what I believed to be — date! Come on now, people! Not cool. Keep reading »
Dear guys and gals. Sometimes we get so focused on the night of our date that we forget about the morning after. Don’t do that. Yes, it’s still important to make sure that your date goes well enough to hit a home run, but don’t start celebrating until you’ve successfully crossed home base … waking up next to that person in broad daylight. I think of this moment as the true test of how well the date went. The worst, very worst, thing to feel in that moment is that you’ve made a grave mistake. That the charming, kind and sexy man who wooed and wowed the previous evening no longer exists. In his place is this naked, grunting cretin who makes you feel nothing more than the urge to wash your sheets. After the jump, a few things to keep in mind the morning after. That is, if you hope for a repeat performance. Keep reading »