Draw-out \‘dro\ \’aut\ n. pl draw-outs : An event that prompts you, dear lady, to prolong a relationship you know you ought to end.
If there’s one sure thing besides death and taxes it’s that you, whoever you are, have, at some point in your romantic career, drawn out a relationship longer than was healthy. You’re not to be blamed. It’s a simple law of nature: Relationships never end when they’re supposed to. We all need food and water to survive, we all need a month or two or 20 between that first “Uh oh,” and the final trigger pulling, when we put the stiletto to the metal and fly the coup to Single Land.
But the Draw-Outs … oh, the Draw-Outs. They’re the delightful little excuses that keep us keeping the relationship on. A Draw-Out can be something like, “Oh, it’s Christmas.” Or, “Oh, I’m in a wedding this month.” Or, “Oh, I just endured a phone call with my mother in which she said the word ‘cystic’ and then ‘ovaries.’”
The question, then, is “For how long?” For how long will your Draw-Out keep you in the game? The answer is dependent upon you, of course, and your personal ability to cling. I, for one, am highly clingy. Nay! Expertly clingy. And a gal like me? Well, let’s just say that I can Draw Out these suckers like it’s my job. No one drums up Draw-Outs more absurd, more niche, more pathetically impressive than yours truly. So do I gift unto to you my top five Draw Out greatest hits that you may feel free to avoid. Keep reading »
