Tag Archives: dater x

Dater X: When One Door Closes…

Dater X: When One Door Closes

I was an hour into my first date with Hot Doctor when he moved in for the kill. Lucky for him, I was so totally taken off guard by his kiss that I didn’t have the wherewithal to swat him away. Less than 10 seconds later, he went for my boob, and then it was Game Over.

“I thought I made it perfectly clear to you that I wasn’t looking to hook up,” I said, pushing Hot Doctor away.

“Well, you did, but that all goes out the window if you like someone right?” he responded, clearly confused.

What made him think that I liked him?

He looked nothing like the photos from his OKCupid profile — he had darker, thinner hair, was a few inches shorter and looked at least five years older. We agreed to meet up for drinks once he finished his nightly review class for his medical boards, but after a delayed dismissal and a few wrong turns, it was 10:45 p.m. before he made it to my neighborhood. At that point, knowing that my roommate was home and within earshot of the living room, I opted to just invite him in for a drink. It was already late on a work night, and if I’d had it my way, I would have already been counting shirtless Channing Tatums in my dreams for at least 30 minutes by then. Unfortunately, the doctor had arrived for his house call. Keep reading »

Dater X: I Am Ready For Love

Dater X I Am Ready For Love

When I first agreed to write Dater X, there were several things I accepted from the get-go: I knew that this column would require me to reveal intimate details about my personal life to complete strangers. I understood that in doing so, my sharing would be therapeutic, as I’ve always been someone who learns, heals and grows by sharing my stories—especially the most painful and heartbreaking ones. I also came to terms with the fact that my weekly musings would be met with various opinions and judgments, and that not everything I wrote would be well received. Above all, I felt confident that, despite any criticism that might come my way, I was ready for all of it; including the part where I find love at the end of this whole thing (fingers crossed). Keep reading »

Dater X: Stuck Between A Rock And A Bar Place

Dater X: Stuck Between A Rock And A Bar Place

As I approach my two-year anniversary as an online dater (AKA my slow descent into madness), I’m finding myself incredibly bitter about the fact that I still haven’t met “the one.” I’ve always believed that there are multiple soul mates out there for everyone, but that the one person you end up with is entirely dependent upon a series of choices you make in life. Kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, I feel that every decision I make — from selecting a career path, right down to whether or not I should run a yellow light — will determine which of those guys I end up with. In my eyes, there’s a different one at the end of every storyline. After dozens of dates and three pseudo-relationships — the longest of which lasted two months — I’m starting to doubt my theory. Keep reading »

Dater X: Are We Really Talking About Sex Before Our First Date?

Dater X: Are We Really Talking About Sex Before Our First Date?

This past week, I got a bunch of messages on OKCupid. Some of the guys I’d never consider because I tend to avoid men who tell me they prefer to “stay home on most Friday nights and read poetry with a good glass of single malt.” Others seemed too old for me… and that’s not even including the scotch sippers. Out of  the eight messages I received, there were two contenders that seemed datable.

Both were seemingly nice guys — attractive with ambition and wit. Hot Doctor is just finishing up med school and has a smile that would charm the knickers off grandma. The other guy, whom I’ve dubbed Sensitive Frat Bro, is a sweet entrepreneur who could just as easily be wearing a toga and chugging a beer on a Phi Kappa Tau recruitment poster. Eligible bachelors on free dating websites (and in life) are pretty hard to come by, so I decided to message them back. After talking to both of my suitors (one on Gchat and the other on OKCupid instant messenger) for several days in a row about things like family, hobbies, and careers, they both brought up the topic of sex. Keep reading »

Dater X: Do I Really Have To Date Older Guys?

Dater X: Do I Really Have To Date Older Guys?

What I didn’t tell you last week was that I was dating someone.

He was a 25-year-old who recently returned from Europe where he lived as an expat for almost a year, met a girl, fell in love, then got his heart broken before he returned. I asked him multiple times if he was ready to date again. Each time I asked, he assured me he was totally ready to move on. We only went out a few times, but those instances were enough to feel a connection. Conversation was easy, the attraction was certainly there and I felt like I could be myself with him.

His only obvious pitfall was that he wore skinny jeans — a style he adopted during his stint in Europe. While I love to admire the male physique, I feel there are some fashions that are better suited for female humans. Besides, I felt like the tight pants distracted from his gorgeous hazel eyes and rugby player good looks.

Crotch-hugging pants aside, I was really excited about Skinny Jeans and the possibility that there might be something there. At least until he called me up and told me he was having money problems and wasn’t sure he could “give me what I deserved.” Then two days later he changed his tune telling me he wasn’t over his ex and couldn’t continue to pursue something with me because he “didn’t realize he wasn’t emotionally over his last relationship.” Typical. I have no idea if he was being honest about his feelings or just politely brushing me off, but I’m not about to date someone who’s clearly not over his ex.

My mom listened sympathetically as I recounted the sordid tale of Skinny Jeans and then gave me the same piece of advice she always does: “You need to date someone older.” Keep reading »

Dater X: You Have To Screw A Lot Of Frogs

Dater X You Have To Screw A Lot Of Frogs

“What exactly are you looking for?” my date asked me, as we made small talk on two barstools at a tiny Mexican restaurant in New York City’s Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood last weekend.

I’ve been asked that question about my love life so many times over the last three years that I’ve lost count. But this time, instead of spewing out the same old answer (I want to settle down with someone who’s intelligent, handsome, driven and who cares about me … yada, yada), I spouted off a list of everything I wasn’t looking for:

“I won’t date liars or cheaters or guys without ambition, guys who yell, guys without manners, guys who have been in music videos, guys who only talk about their exes, guys who do Crossfit — it’s a cult, I’m sorry — guys who spend their spare time preparing for the zombie apocalypse…” I went on for bit.

My date looked shell-shocked. The list was long, my friends.

That awkward date brought me here to you as the new “Dater X.” Let me introduce myself. I grew up in the suburbs of New Jersey with a supportive, large family before becoming a New York transplant a few years back. I’ve always been a hard worker, graduating at the top of my class in college, plowing a successful career path while scrupulously maintaining a solid group of friends that I’ve known since the sixth grade. For 26 years, I’ve had my shit together … mostly.

My last serious relationship ended in 2010 after I caught the love of my life, a man who I planned to marry, in a web of lies that have left me scarred and, frankly, in need of a lot of therapy. We met just before college graduation and were together for a year and a half when I accidentally stumbled upon a notebook in his apartment that tore my world apart. Keep reading »

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