Tag Archives: dater x

Dater X: Do I Really Have To Date Older Guys?

Dater X: Do I Really Have To Date Older Guys?

What I didn’t tell you last week was that I was dating someone.

He was a 25-year-old who recently returned from Europe where he lived as an expat for almost a year, met a girl, fell in love, then got his heart broken before he returned. I asked him multiple times if he was ready to date again. Each time I asked, he assured me he was totally ready to move on. We only went out a few times, but those instances were enough to feel a connection. Conversation was easy, the attraction was certainly there and I felt like I could be myself with him.

His only obvious pitfall was that he wore skinny jeans — a style he adopted during his stint in Europe. While I love to admire the male physique, I feel there are some fashions that are better suited for female humans. Besides, I felt like the tight pants distracted from his gorgeous hazel eyes and rugby player good looks.

Crotch-hugging pants aside, I was really excited about Skinny Jeans and the possibility that there might be something there. At least until he called me up and told me he was having money problems and wasn’t sure he could “give me what I deserved.” Then two days later he changed his tune telling me he wasn’t over his ex and couldn’t continue to pursue something with me because he “didn’t realize he wasn’t emotionally over his last relationship.” Typical. I have no idea if he was being honest about his feelings or just politely brushing me off, but I’m not about to date someone who’s clearly not over his ex.

My mom listened sympathetically as I recounted the sordid tale of Skinny Jeans and then gave me the same piece of advice she always does: “You need to date someone older.” Keep reading »

Dater X: You Have To Screw A Lot Of Frogs

Dater X You Have To Screw A Lot Of Frogs

“What exactly are you looking for?” my date asked me, as we made small talk on two barstools at a tiny Mexican restaurant in New York City’s Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood last weekend.

I’ve been asked that question about my love life so many times over the last three years that I’ve lost count. But this time, instead of spewing out the same old answer (I want to settle down with someone who’s intelligent, handsome, driven and who cares about me … yada, yada), I spouted off a list of everything I wasn’t looking for:

“I won’t date liars or cheaters or guys without ambition, guys who yell, guys without manners, guys who have been in music videos, guys who only talk about their exes, guys who do Crossfit — it’s a cult, I’m sorry — guys who spend their spare time preparing for the zombie apocalypse…” I went on for bit.

My date looked shell-shocked. The list was long, my friends.

That awkward date brought me here to you as the new “Dater X.” Let me introduce myself. I grew up in the suburbs of New Jersey with a supportive, large family before becoming a New York transplant a few years back. I’ve always been a hard worker, graduating at the top of my class in college, plowing a successful career path while scrupulously maintaining a solid group of friends that I’ve known since the sixth grade. For 26 years, I’ve had my shit together … mostly.

My last serious relationship ended in 2010 after I caught the love of my life, a man who I planned to marry, in a web of lies that have left me scarred and, frankly, in need of a lot of therapy. We met just before college graduation and were together for a year and a half when I accidentally stumbled upon a notebook in his apartment that tore my world apart. Keep reading »

Dater X: A Lifetime Full Of Relationship Firsts

He looked terribly handsome as he tossed his shaggy dark hair and laughed just a little too hard at my bad joke. While his posture telegraphed confidence — upright yet leaned back, big smile across his face — the laugh told me, “Whoa. This guy is just a little bit nervous.”

I felt nervous too — a tiny fluttering in my stomach, my palms just a little clammy. First dates have a way of doing that to you.

Only, this wasn’t our first date in the traditional sense. No, this was our first date, err, our first “Preparing for Partnership” session, with the rabbi we want to marry us.

You got to know me years ago on The Frisky as Dater X, the girl who just couldn’t get it right in love, hanging intense excitement on each new guy and feeling mildly to horrifically crushed when it didn’t work out. Dater X, the girl on the hunt for her green zebra—safari jacket on, binoculars at the ready—but only finding red koalas and yellow crocodiles. Keep reading »

Dater X: Learning To Ask The Bigger Questions

Dater X: I'm In A Great Relationship Can I Stop Freaking Out Now?
When anxiety strikes a perfectly good relationship. Read More »
Girl Talk: I Always Ask The Big Questions
What are the important questions to ask yourself when you start dating someone? Read More »

Two summers ago, I remember sitting on a bar stool, anxiously twirling a straw in my Rum and Coke as a guy I’d been dating for a little over a month explained why he didn’t think we should see each other anymore. “Why?” I asked, stunned. He hemmed and hawed for a moment, and opened and closed his mouth sharply, as if he enjoyed the taste of the air. I could tell there was something he was wanting to say, but couldn’t quite make himself form the words.

“My parents taught me that you don’t date someone unless you can see yourself marrying them,” he said. “That’s always stuck with me. Those are words I live by.”

The wooden bar stool felt harsh and uncomfortable underneath me—almost as uncomfortable as the words coming out of this guy’s mouth. Really, he’s breaking up with me because he doesn’t want to MARRY me? Is this guy I’ve gone on SIX dates with and had sex with ONCE really talking about freaking MARRIAGE? Keep reading »

Dater X: I’m In A Great Relationship, So Can I Stop Freaking Out Now?

Last Thursday, I prepared myself for what I thought would be a big milestone in my relationship with The Young One. His older sister—who serves double duty as his best friend—was visiting and I was going to meet her for the first time over dinner. That morning, I rummaged through my closet, trying to find the perfect ensemble to project a cool-yet-wholesome image. Over lunch, I brainstormed restaurants with my co-workers, hoping to find a place that felt special and laid-back at the same time—a true reflection of me. All afternoon I felt on a high that I was about to meet my first member of The Young One’s family—the one he was closest to, no less. Visions of his sister and I becoming besties danced in my head.

But as late afternoon rolled around, I hadn’t heard from The Young One. He remembers dinner tonight, right? I thought before spiraling into another thought. What if he’s changed his mind about introducing me to his sister? Keep reading »

Dater X: 10 Things I Did Right As A Single Woman

dating photo

Last night, while watching “The Bachelor: The Women Tell All,” I found myself getting more than a little choked up watching Ashley Spivey’s one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison. Her hands folded delicately in her lap, she talked about how Brad Womack‘s rejection feels like a pattern she’s been stuck in for years. On that first night, Brad had given her the first impression rose. For maybe two weeks, he adored her. And then, he sent her home. “I’m in disbelief right now,” Ashley said in the backseat of the limo. “They always say the exact same thing, ‘You’re going to make such a great wife, just not for me.’” Elvis crooned “Are You Lonesome Tonight” in the background.

I looked across my living room at a bouquet of flowers that The Young One bought me for no particular reason, and noted that my dog was curled up on a t-shirt he left here over the weekend. The Young One and I are approaching the two-month mark and things remain so awesome between us. But man, oh man, do I remember feeling the way Ashley does. Keep reading »

Dater X: The 10 New Relationship Commandments

It’s been three years since I’ve uttered the phrase, “This is my boyfriend, __________.” So every time I’ve said it in the past two weeks, as the word ‘boyfriend’ passed through my lips, it felt both totally foreign and completely natural. Even though it’s a word that conjures up images of high school and “Do you like me? Check yes or no” letters, each time I say it, the word makes me feel just a little bit giddy.

I’ve been dating The Young One for six blissful weeks. Keep reading »

Dater X: I’m (Drum Roll) In Love

Like a cat who constantly wants to be petted, I have an insatiable need for back rubs. I am forever asking significant others for them—a request that is usually obliged, but that is sometimes met with a “Maybe later,” an “I’m tired” or, worse, an “Again?” So far, The Young One has been happy to indulge each and every back massage request. But last Thursday night, as we watched TV at his place, I suddenly found myself sitting on the back of the couch, leaning over and kneading my hands into his shoulders. “That feels incredible,” he said.

He hadn’t asked me for a back rub, nor had I consciously decided to give him one—it was something I did without thinking. It was the first moment I realized that I am totally in love with this guy. Keep reading »

Dater X: I’m In Relationship Limbo

Yesterday evening, I met The Young One outside my office with no idea of where we were going or what we were doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I’d pressed him for clues all week and the most he would give me was, “You’ll really like it,” and “If you wear heels, nothing too high.” We began walking, zigging and zagging down the unseasonably warm New York City streets. Every time I thought I had an idea of where we were headed, he’d laugh at my guess, shake his head ‘no,’ and make an abrupt turn. Finally he said, “This is it,” motioning toward an awning with the words “Ballroom Dancing” printed on it. Keep reading »

Dater X: Looking Forward To Valentine’s Day, For Once

I love Halloween. Ditto Thanksgiving. I am all about the Fourth of July—bring on the fireworks and hot dogs. I even enjoy a good April Fool’s prank. In fact, there is only one secular holiday that makes me break out into hives: Valentine’s Day.

See, St. Valentine and I have a complex relationship. Keep reading »

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