Unfortunately, I’m becoming a professional at going on great dates that have awful endings. There was my first date with Scar Twin, which went off without a hitch until I fell down a flight of stairs; my first (and last) date with Jack, who wrapped up our evening by insinuating that I’m a slut; and most recently, my great — and also tragic — date with my old college friend Baby Face. Confirmed: Tears do not taste good in dirty martinis. Keep reading »
This week has been an absolute shitstorm. It was one of those “when it rains, it pours” weeks that makes you want to crawl under your covers and not come out until life is back to normal. My grandmother is still dying, withering away and scared to close her eyes, while my heartbroken grandpa watches on with the slightest bit of hope that she’ll pull through. She won’t. On top of that, I’ve been going through other family drama, a job shakeup and heath concerns to remind me of life’s oh-so impeccable timing. All in a week’s work, right? During this time of complete instability and emotional exhaustion, dating has been the last thing on my mind. Keep reading »
I’ve had a high sex drive since I was a teenager. Over the last 14 years, whether single or coupled up, I’ve been fortunate enough to never really go ‘sexless.’ In relationships— whether they last three months or three years— my libido generally maintains the momentum of that of the Energizer Bunny. I certainly don’t have a sex addiction, but it’s safe to say I am, and always have been, a pleasure enthusiast. So, when I’m single, that desire remains the same, but I tend to get my O’s from the sex toys that reside in a toolbox under my bed, as opposed to an actual human being. I think it might be time to change that. Keep reading »
I answered the phone at 10:45 p.m., worried about why my father was calling so late. It was highly unusual for a man who never calls after 8 o’clock, especially since he finally chucked his old cell phone which frequently allowed him to “butt dial” everyone on his recent calls list.
“Hi. What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.
“I planned on going to brunch with some girlfriends, but that’s it. Why? Is everything okay?” Silence from the other end of the receiver confirmed my concern.
“It’s Grandmom,” he said. “I think you should come home.” Keep reading »
It’s been six days since Scar Twin broke up with me.
Everything had been going well until one day last week, it all just … changed. In the beginning of the week, Scar Twin had warned me about his crazy work schedule and how he was going to be busy most nights preparing for the long weekend, so when his texts became scarce and his “just because” phone calls suddenly stopped, I tried to convince myself he was just stressed and busy. But after a couple days of short, lifeless text messages and no mention of getting together over Labor Day weekend, I started to worry that things had taken a bad turn. Keep reading »
This week, I found myself in a position with Scar Twin that I’ve never been in before (and no, I’m not talking about sexual positions— that’s a story for another day). Anyway, as many of you know, my last long-term relationship ended about four years ago when Patrick Bateman decided to have two girlfriends and two lives in two different states. Since then, I’ve found myself on an endless carousel ride of courtships lasting approximately two months each before things turn to shit. During those short-lived romances, the issue of money never really came up. And then, this week, it did. Keep reading »