Tag Archives: dater x

Dater X: Why Does Sex Change Everything?

As Scruffy Beard began unhooking my bra, a panic signal went off in my head. Uh oh, Dater X, I thought to myself. This is your third date and you are straddling him in a chair. Your shirt is across the room, and you can feel his hard-on through his pants. You are on a steam locomotive powering towards sex town. This. Is. Not. Good.

I pulled back, feeling suddenly shy about the fact that I was topless. I looked him in the eyes—definitely his nicest feature, though I’d come to appreciate the rest of his face in the two weeks we’d been dating, too. His gaze seemed filled with adoration and desire, and he leaned forward and kissed me, soft and slow. I felt his hands squeeze around my butt. And that was it. Soon the rest of our clothes hit the floor, our makeout session getting more intense with every kiss and touch. Keep reading »

Dater X: Feeling Attracted To Someone Who Isn’t That Attractive

What I’m about to say isn’t going to make you love me. It isn’t PC, and it certainly wouldn’t get high marks from the judges in a beauty pageant question and answer round. It is shallow, and a thing that none of us are supposed to say. But it is also honest:

Looks matter to me. Sometimes a lot. Keep reading »

Dater X: Playing Patti Stanger On A Bad Date

As I leaned forward and sent my 10-pound ball careening down the center of the lane, I could feel Blondie staring at my butt. Normally, this is a thing I love, but tonight, all I felt was supremely uncomfortable. The pins flew in the air in a jumble, but it was hard to be too excited about the strike. I was on a bad date. And not the kind of bad date where both of you recognize the badness and mutually agree to get out of there as quickly as possible with no hard feelings. It was the kind of date where, while I was repulsed, he was feeling it. Keep reading »

Dater X: Ghosts Of Thanksgiving Beaus Past

Last year, the night before Thanksgiving, I had a glorious third date with The Architect. Partly because of our easy rapport and partly because so many people leave New York City for the holidays, everywhere we went, it felt like we were the only two people that existed. At the movie theater, rather than fighting people for seats and sitting elbow-to-elbow with strangers, we got the two seats smack-dab in the middle of the theater with no one in a six-foot radius. I remember that he put his arm around me midway through the movie and pulled me close. Later at dinner, rather than the usual 30-minute wait at my favorite restaurant, we were seated instantly at a booth. I remember us making fun of the bizarre turkey centerpiece on the table. Later that night, I remember our first kiss. I described it in my column then as “one of the slowest, softest, hottest kisses of my life.” I stand by that a year later. Keep reading »

Dater X: Why I’m Giving Up Horoscopes

“Your allure is at an all-time high,” my horoscope told me Thursday morning. “Be bold. No one will be able to resist you this week and daring actions will be rewarded.”

The words echoed through my head all the day. As I dug through my closet to pick what to wear, I felt compelled to select a va-va-voom pencil skirt and ’50s-style top. At work, I finally eked up the courage to have a meeting with my boss that I’d been wanting to have for weeks. And later that night, as I walked into my apartment building, I didn’t feel quite ready to call it a night. I took out my phone and dialed Tall Guy, someone I dated over the summer. We hadn’t hung out in ages, but had exchanged emails a few days before. Keep reading »

Dater X: Shaking Off The Dry Spell

A wise woman—OK, Sharon Stone—once said, “Love is like the ocean. Sometimes the tide is in and sometimes the tide is out, and sometimes it’s like the frigging Mojave. Fortunately, I like the desert. I’m a desert flower.”

For the past two months, ever since The Juggler faded out, I have been hiking through the Mojave, stopping every once in a while to shake the sand out of my shoes. Keep reading »

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