Tag Archives: date rape

Girl Talk: I’ve Started Disclosing My Rape On The First Date

CNN on Steubenville
They're mourning the lives of the rapists. Read More »
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Teach Boys Not To Rape
On Steubenville High School and teaching boys not to rape. Read More »

Nearly four years ago, while I was on a third date with a man, I was raped. For a long time, I wouldn’t have been able to write that sentence. I would have equivocated. I would have quickly followed it up with minimizers like, “I was drunk.” Or, “I’m OK. It wasn’t violent.”

These statements are all true. I was drunk. The rape was not violent in that I wasn’t physically injured. I am OK. At this moment in time, I am comfortable saying that these factors still don’t make what happened my fault. I said no to him repeatedly. That, I am sure of.

In light of the Steubenville rape case, I feel the need bubbling up to reflect upon my rape again, as it often does when there is a prominent rape case in the news. While CNN is busy mourning the lives of the young, convicted rapists, I’m thinking about 16-year-old Jane Doe, and how this will change the course of her life. I refuse to mourn her life, because that implies that she will let being raped define her for the rest of her life. I pray that’s not the case. But I know that being raped will affect her in so many unexpected ways, as it has me. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Abuse Within Kink (Or This One Time Some Really Bad Stuff Happened To Me)

On BDSM
kinky photo
BDSM is not "consensual domestic violence." Read More »
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »
woman panties

Recently I went home with a kinky man after our first date. The experience phased in and out of being consensual throughout the night. I distinctly left his apartment feeling violated and I continued to feel violated for several days after.

We found each other online because both of us were interested in dominant/submissive (D/s) sex, particularly in spanking. I thought this man would be dominant in bed, as per his online dating profile and a conversation we’d had about it on our date. But instead of just dominant, he was controlling. Before we started playing, I told him the “safe word” I wanted to use. A safe word is a word or phrase used by kinky people during sexual play that they want the play to stop immediately; I never play with a partner without one. To my surprise, this guy told me that safe word I chose was “terrible” and to use something else. That raised a red flag right off the bat.

Another red flag came at one point during play when he called me a “bitch.” I’m not against being called names in bed. In fact, with a partner whom I know and trust, being called a “bad girl” or a “slut” can be really hot! But we never had a conversation about using words like that, and if we had, I would have told him that the word “bitch” was not OK with me.   Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Nice Guys As Rapists

I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Drunk Is A Feminist Issue
Why women everywhere should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »
Too Drunk?
If you're a drunk woman who gets raped, will you be taken seriously? Read More »

Almost a year ago, I wrote an essay about having been date raped in college. The piece got a strong reaction from commenters, many of whom debated whether or not I had given or not given consent for this guy to have sex with me. Much of the back-and-forth centered around the fact that I didn’t realize that penetration had actually occurred until days later. I had had a few beers, it was dark, I was a virgin and generally sexually inexperienced, and I had told him explicitly that I did not want to have sex yet, all of which added up to me not realizing what had happened until he told me.

I perceived this man to be “a nice guy.” (We had a good date. He was funny and smart and liked animals. He seemed trustworthy.) He genuinely seemed surprised that I hadn’t realized he had penetrated me, that he wasn’t able to “help” himself. That’s what he said: “I couldn’t help myself.” I still clearly remember his tone — it was sort of sheepish, but also complimentary, as though he was trying to flatter me by saying he couldn’t stop himself from doing what I said earlier not to do. As I thought about it in the days after, I excused his raping me as a breakdown of communication. He hadn’t meant to rape me, so therefore it couldn’t be rape. Besides, he was a nice guy and nice guys just don’t rape. Keep reading »

Would You Buy A Straw That Can Detect Date Rape Drugs In Your Drink?

I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Date Rape PSA
date rape poster
This date rape PSA has been accused of blaming the victim. Read More »
Date Rape Drug Test
date rape drug photo
A date rape drug test may soon be available. Read More »
Drunk Is A Feminist Issue
Why women everywhere should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »

Before my big move to college last year, I can’t tell you how many times my mother told me how I had watch my drink at all times while out with my friends. My mom had good reason to be badgering me with this crucial piece of advice: according to the U.S. Department of Justice, a woman is sexually assaulted every two minutes. Not surprisingly, there is a market for anti-date rape products … such as the first reusable anti-date rape straw. Keep reading »

Project Unbreakable Sheds A Different Light On Sexual Assault

I don’t think I’ve ever been so moved, and yet so disturbed, by a series of photographs than I am by Grace Brown’s “Project Unbreakable.” Totally enveloped by each and every image and accompanying text, I could not hold back a few tears, or the goose bumps. “Project Unbreakable,” a photography project created in October 2011, explores the raw truth of sexual assault, as it’s experienced by both men and women. Each victim is asked to write down quotes that were said before, during, or after the assault. Then, Brown photographs each victim and displays them on her website. Some victims are willing to show their face in the photographs, while others use the poster to shield themselves. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Should I Be More Scarred By My Date Rape?

I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
New "Rape" Definition
A new definition of rape has been approved by the FBI. Read More »
Drunk Is A Feminist Issue
Why women should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »

Last week, I met a friend for dinner. The restaurant we tried to go to was crowded, so we decided to wander around and look for a different place to eat. We turned down the next block and my pulse raced. It was the block of the restaurant my date rapist worked at.

I considered asking my friend if we could walk down a different block, but that seemed silly. And then another thought crossed my mind. What if she spotted the restaurant and wanted to eat there? What would I say? I tried to mask my anxiety. I was more anxious about telling her why I didn’t want to walk down that block than I was of potentially running into him. Keep reading »

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular