- That’s what happens when …
“That’s what happens” is just another way to say “boys will be boys,” meaning it is another way to level some of the blame on the victim instead of squarely on the perpetrator where it belongs. Saying “that’s what happens” to the victim is dismissive and unust. Sexually assaulted by a drunk guy at a party when you were drunk, too? That’s what happens when you get drunk around a drunk rapist. Sexually assaulted walking home alone at 2a.m.? That’s what happens when you’re out alone in the middle of the night with no one to protect you from a rapist. Sexually assaulted when you were passed out and couldn’t defend yourself? That’s what you get for passing out and not being able to defense yourself from a rapist. You get the ida.
- Silence is the same thing as consent, or “Not saying no is the same thing as saying yes.”
Everyone flips their shizz when anyone suggests that sex should have consent. (Google the words “Antioch college” and “rape” for proof of this.) Somebody — usually the type of woman or man who writes the anti-feminist stuff — immediately overreacts and makes accusations that you’re “ruining” sex by requiring that two people ask each other permission before they do anything together. No, no, and once again, no. No one seriously believes I should have to verbally ask my boyfriend “Can I kiss your lips?”, “Can I unbutton your pants?” or “Can I take out your penis and stroke it?” But there has to be some kind of consent — whether it’s verbal articulation, like “That feels good!” or “Yes, yes!” or just happy noises, like “Mmm!” — for sexual activity to be kosher. Especially during the first, or first couple, of sexual incidents. If I unbuttoned my boyfriend’s pants and started playing with his penis and he did not verbally or physically indicate to me that he liked and wanted to encourage this behavior, I would stop. I have no idea whatsoever why someone would kiss, grope, have sex with, etc. another person who is lying there passively and/or is not fully engaged. He or she not consenting — in fact, it doesn’t sound like they’re at all interested — so why is their sex partner persisting? That is how date rape happens.
Tag Archives: date rape
The 5 Most Obnoxious Things People Usually Say While Discussing Date Rape
Profile Of A Campus Date Rapist
Statistics have shown that most men who commit rape or date rape are known to the victim: friends, friends-with-benefits, boyfriends, husbands, even family members, etc. But even as someone who is attuned to news stories about sexual assault, I was unaware that researchers have gathered more info in the past decade about who these men are, on the college campus, specifically.
For the past two weeks, National Public Radio and the Center for Public Integrity have aired four stories on NPR about how sexual assaults are handled on college campuses in a series called “Seeking Justice For Campus Rapes.” Their most recent story, entitled “Myths That Make It Hard To Stop Campus Rape,” absolutely blew my mind. I had no idea about a 2002 study of men on college campuses in which one in 16 admitted to behavior that meets the definition of rape or date rape and the overwhelming majority of these men were repeat offenders. Keep reading »
Make Your Bed Date Rape-Friendly!
I thought the ickiest things being sold on Etsy were those custom-made vagina portrait necklaces, but I was wrong. Now date rapists can get down to business in comfort and style with one of these super-snuggly Rohypnol pillows, from Etsy retailer GalacticBoutique! But, the seller warns, the pillows are not for consumption, as “they do not contain the necessary mood stablizing [sic] goodness found in controlled substances.” No matter. We’re sure she won’t care — when she wakes up. [Regretsy] Keep reading »
Are Date-Rape Drugs An Urban Myth?
“Date-rape drugs are largely an urban myth used as an excuse by women who booze themselves into a stupor, it has been claimed.”
That’s the first line from an article in today’s Daily Mail, about a new study out of the University of Kent that suggests many women mistake being drunk for being drugged. Of course, there’s more to this story than the “journalists” at the Daily Mail would have you believe. For starters, it’s not that women are using “I was drugged!” as a way of excusing bad drunken behavior, but rather than they may be confusing the side effects of being intoxicated — nausea, dizziness, etc. — with those associated with being roofied. Additionally, a far more comprehensive article in the Telegraph quotes Adam Burgess, of Kent’s School of Social Policy, Sociology and Social Research, as saying, “Young women appear to be displacing their anxieties about the consequences of consuming what is in the bottle on to rumors of what could be put there by someone else.” Keep reading »
When Sex Is A Weapon: Surviving Date Rape
I just found out that my rapist is dead. Not only is he dead, but he ended up killing a lot of women. I always wondered if he would rape again, but I never thought he would graduate to murder.
Keep reading »
Six Scary Facts About Frat Boys
OK, we know the following characterization is NOT 100 percent representative of all fraternities in this country.
But still, the stats about sexual assault and tales of misogynistic behavior in the essay, “Bros Before Hos,” published by history and gender studies professor Nicholas L. Syrett on the National Sexuality Resource Center’s web site, are beyond scary.
You’ll have to read the essay yourself for his particularly eloquent argument about how the closeness of men in frats fosters misogynistic behavior and a fear of homosexuality—it’s worth a read for anyone who has known or loved a frat boy. Synett’s certainly not arguing frat boys are worse than other men, but they do live in a unique environment that has an affect on them. Frat boys don’t sound like they’ve ever not had a weird relationship with sex, masculinity and power.
Six scary things we learned about frat boys from reading his essay, after the jump…
Keep reading »
Don’t See It: Seth Rogen’s Date Rape Movie
I thought losing weight was to blame for Seth Rogen’s fall from funny. But maybe we never had the same sense of humor to begin with. How else to explain his starring role in “Observe and Report,” which opens today, the extended trailer for which shows his character, Ronnie, a mall cop, having sex with a woman (Brandi, played by Anna Faris) who’s passed out drunk, covered in vomit? This scene has caused quite a bit of controversy, with everyone from The New York Times to Salon’s Broadsheet weighing in on whether the scenario classifies as date rape. (The scene, FYI, is embedded in the trailer, after the jump. Warning: the language in the trailer makes it NSFW.) Rogen says it is not.
“You can literally feel the audience thinking, like, how the f**k are they going to make this okay? Like, what can possibly be said or done that I’m not going to walk out of the movie theater in the next thirty seconds? … And then she says, like, the one thing that makes it all okay.”
That one thing? When Rogen stop manically pumping away, Brandi, vomit oozing out of her mouth, comes to, and says, “Why are you stopping motherf**ker?” The Times agrees that this is her giving “permission,” writing in their review, “He forces himself on a makeup-counter saleswoman after a date of heavy drinking and drug use. (Before the scene is over she indicates that she had given her consent.)”
Keep reading »
Should She Confront Her Date Rapist Via Facebook?
An interesting, if disturbing question has been posed to Cary Tennis at Salon. “Want Him To Know” writes:
“Recently while I was on Facebook, the man who date-raped me in college showed up as ‘people you might know.’… I never filed charges, never told people for years afterward, and didn’t even think of it as rape until five years ago. But now that I think about it, it infuriates me that he was able to victimize me without consequences. I don’t want to bring legal action, or shame him publicly, but I do want him to understand what he did was wrong. I’d like an apology…. Should I attempt to contact him, or just let bygones be bygones? Honestly, I could take it or leave it. My only worry is that he will think date rape is OK.”
Tennis’ advice is lacking, despite being nearly 300 words long — see a rape counselor! Probably wise, but it doesn’t really address her desire to know that the person who date raped her doesn’t do it again. So what do you guys think? Should “Want Him To Know” get in touch with the person in question? Should she move on? Or do you think that any response he gives her wouldn’t give her the peace she desires? Tell us your thoughts in the comments! Maybe she reads The Frisky… Keep reading »
Quickies!: A New Name For Hot Guys With Beards
Mad Men: Joan Holloway’s Date Rape Probably Not That Rare
Last night’s “Mad Men” had an all-too-rare subplot involving Joan and her betrothed, The Handsome Doctor . In a previous episode, Doc’s abusive, douche-tastic tendencies were barely hinted at — “Didn’t you say you were getting me a drink?!” — but this episode confirmed it for any doubters. In one of the most disturbing scenes to have been featured on “Mad Men”, the good doctor forces Joan to have sex with him on the floor of Don Draper’s office despite her repeated protests and attempts to physically dissuade him. Perhaps the saddest and most resonant part of all is when she stops fighting and turns her head to stare fixedly at Don’s coffee table, resigned to her fate. Keep reading »
