Well this pretty much made my life. Last week, a warehouse in Fuzhou, China hosted 3,000 goldfish from 14 countries around the world as they competed for the title of “World Goldfish Queen.” Contestants in the first annual International Goldfish Championship were judged on the following criteria: body shape, swimming gesture, color and overall impression. The winner has not yet been crowned, but a very rare, very “graceful,” very large fish weighing in at almost four pounds (which is an unheard of size for a goldfish) is considered the front swimmer.
I’m so much more excited about this than I have ever been about a human beauty pageant. You’ve got to love a pageant where the contestants are rewarded for being fat. Also, I think Miss USA contestants should have to compete in a swimming gesture rather than a swimwear category. I don’t know what swimming gesture is, but I want to learn. Show me! [Oddity Central]
It looks like animals can be just as musically inclined as humans are. I’m now a fan of Shanthi, the world’s most musical elephant. She’s not touring right now, but you can catch one of her harmonica ditties if you go visit Washington D.C.’s National Zoo, where she lives. Or you can wait for her music to become available on Spotify. Imagine how good she’d be if she had lessons. [Buzzfeed]
Why do they even bother with bunnies on Easter? Unless, English Angora rabbits were the official Easter bunnies, then I would understand. But they’re not. Regular rabbits are, which aren’t nearly as fluffy in the face. I’m not a “squee-er.” In fact, I hate that word, but you can’t deny puppies with bunny ears. You just can’t. Actually, this is more than just an Easter video. Watch it year-round if you’re pissed about anything. Oh, and have a very Happy Puppy Easter! [You Tube]
Sometimes the internet bestows us with gifts. Strange gifts that make us laugh so hard we cry. Sometimes we don’t even know what’s happening or why, just that it’s happening. It’s not for us to understand, just for us to appreciate. I present you with the doggie music video version of “Ima Read” by Zebra Katz (SNAKATAK Remix). To quote Julie: “This song needed dogs.”
Beware if you are planning to visit the Caribbean island of St. Kitts. There are a species of monkeys that will steal your fruity rum drink with the paper umbrella while you tan. BBC’s “Weird Nature” featured a segment about vervet monkeys, the alchies of the animal kingdom. And I’m kind of obsessed. But unlike us humans, the drunkest monkeys are the most well respected. I challenge you not to enjoy every moment of this video. Especially the part where the wasted monkeys roll around on the picnic table. You are welcome.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, this penguin pair got married every day, twice a day, from Feb. 1-14, at China’s Shanghai Ocean Aquarium. Their Groundhogs Day-style ceremony went something like this: the couple arrived in a lucite box via remote-controlled Audi followed by a processional of two humans in penguin suits, they exchange head wreaths in front of a crowd of onlookers and rubbed beaks to seal the deal. And this is supposed to be romantic? Twenty-eight weddings in one month? I’m surprised they still can stand to be in the same lucite box with one another. I’m sure those gay penguins in Montreal are feeling really shitty about this ostentatious mockery of of the institution. If this doesn’t move the penguin community to organize for penguin marriage equality, I don’t know what will. [Dlisted]
Hi there. I thought you all needed to know about Ferret Legging. No, not leggings made out of ferret fur; Ferret Legging is a competitive animal sport I was previously unaware of (as I’m sure you were too). As the emcee in the video explains, Ferret Legging is when you take a live ferret who is fully clawed, fully fanged, fully awake, and fully sober (as all contestants are required to be), put it in your mouth to ignite its fight or flight instinct, drop it down your (sealed so it can’t escape) pants and see how long you can “endure”. Meaning, pray that the weasel doesn’t devour your twig and berries with its razor-sharp fangs before the judges crown you Ferret King. The longest a ferret has ever been “legged” was 5 hours and 26 minutes, a title held by the late Reg Mellor. I wonder if he was still virile after that? Oh, and also, sometimes white pants are worn during competition to better display the blood from the wounds. Period envy, eh? Ok, that’s enough. Why? Please explain to me. WHY? [Oddity Central]
Real talk: I’m not so much a fan of babies. I know, it’s like my biological imperative or whatever, but I like dogs better. Anyways, this Husky puppy somehow makes this crying baby actually STOP CRYING with its adorable yawping. It’s like the dog is saying, “HEY BABY, do you even HEAR yourself? This is what you sound like, only less cute.” [YouTube]