The only thing cougars love more than the younger men they prey upon is a cruise. Now they can have both because the first-ever Cougar Cruise has arrived! Sponsored by the Singles Travel Company and the Society of Single Professionals, the Cougar Cruise welcomes cougars and their cubs to come aboard from December 4-7. The ship will depart from San Diego, CA and head for the exotic waters of Ensenada, Mexico. Wait ... the cruise is only going 70 miles? Well, whatever, the cougs won’t notice; they’ll be so distracted by the scenery on board. The boat has an even bigger mission—fighting discrimination!

If you are as big of an Oprah fan as I am—(I have been watching since I was 8, have written multiple letters trying to get on the show, and own the exhaustive Oprah Anniversary DVD collection. Moral of story, I heart Oprah.)—then you are also feeling bitter that you weren’t able to force yourself aboard Oprah’s debaucherous 10-day cruise with her 2,000 most valued employees and, err…gal pal…Gayle. Steadman couldn’t make it, AGAIN. No comment. While I was at home sweating in my humid apartment and taking cold showers while imagining that I was in a swimming pool, Oprah’s crew was tearing it up on the open seas. After the jump, the top 5 reasons I really missed out.