I once had a first date where the guy told me, in this exact order, that he was “under federal investigation,” “writing a book for young people about how to live their lives,” and that he believed “women should be responsible for changing diapers.” I consider this the very, very worst first date I’ve had the misfortune to go on.
But really, that’s nothing compared to Efren Molina and Jillian Martone’s first date this past week. At the end of the evening, the couple returned to Molina’s Boca Raton house (yep, it happened in Florida!), and when he refused to say that he was her boyfriend, Martone punched him and threatened him with a knife. Molina was eventually able to fight her off and call the cops. The 35-year-old, with a previous record, was charged with aggravated assault, battery and burglary. She is currently in jail awaiting bail. Keep reading »
Molest a manatee and you may find yourself behind bars. Gloria Garcia Guiterrez, the woman who was caught riding a manatee in Florida a couple of months back, was taken into custody this weekend. Authorities showed up at Sears, where the 53-year-old works, and booked her. Guiterrez admitted to taking a joy ride on the endangered sea mammal, and now faces up to six months in jail. She is currently out on bail.
I can’t say I blame her. Manatees are irresistible. But alas, the law protects them from being intentionally annoyed, molested, harassed or disturbed. Hey, I want a law protecting me from all that. [LA Times]
No need for horror stories this Halloween when there are lady killers who will sufficiently scare the crap out of you. Reading about female killers is a guilty pleasure of mine, especially when the Halloween season rolls around. Why am I so attracted to the idea of a lady killer? Are murderers feminist icons? OMG, no. But in pop culture we are met with the constant image of women as victims. There are so many crime shows featuring far too many high heels in pools of blood.
The reality is that women largely, are not the ones who kill and those who do, usually do so out of self-defense. The stats say that one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime and according to the U.S. Department of Justice, more than half of women in jail were abused by a spouse prior to conviction. Watching those high-gloss, TV depictions of women getting abused and killed doesn’t feel like its helping anything — even if it comes closer to mirroring reality than “Snapped.”
For your Halloween reading pleasure, I’ve put together the frighteningly true tales of the female killers who fascinate me the most.
A North Carolina woman named Odessa Clay is set to stand trial for tattooing her 11-year-old daughter with a “small, heart-shaped tattoo near her right shoulder.” The 30-year-old’s excuse for tattooing her little girl last September? “She asked me to do it,” Clay explained.
Instead of saying, “I’m sorry honey, you’ll have to wait until you’re 18 and it’s legal,” Clay broke out her tattoo gun and inked her daughter herself. She told police that she thought tattoos for underage children were legal as long as the parent gave consent. Clay blames her arrest on her ex-in-laws who she feels reported her as retaliation for a previous dispute.
I’m sensing a subtle theme here. Well, bad parenting. And refusing to take responsibility for her actions. WORST. [Daily Mail UK]
If there’s a lesson to be learned from Jami Lynn Toler, the Arizona woman accused of faking cancer to raise money for breast implants, it’s that some things are just not worth doing for fake boobs. The 27-year-old told her grandmother, her boss and dozens of other friends and family members that she needed money to get a double mastectomy and breast reconstruction surgery. She even went so far as to set up fake fundraisers and an online donation page. Toler raised $8,300, which she used to pay for her new pair of boobs. No, there was no cancer involved. It was a lie. For her crime, she was sentenced to a year in jail, three years probation and she will have to pay the victims back. Hmmm. Accepting you natural boobs or facing incarceration? I choose natural boobs! [NY Daily News]
Toler’s not the only woman who has done something incredibly stupid just to get implants. Click on to see what other dumb things women have done for bigger breasts. Ladies, so not worth it!
I can kind of see a vague resemblance between Alison Whelan (pictured above) and Captain Jack Sparrow. Something in the eyes. This 51-year-old plead guilty to aggravated theft this week, a confession which will land her in the slammer for four months. Her crime? Oh, claiming to be Captain Jack Sparrow and hijacking a ferry boat near a harbor in Devon, England last September.
The evening of the incident, Whelan called the paramedics, claiming she was having a seizure. When they arrived on the scene, they found Whelan and her friend aboard a 45-foot passenger ferry. When paramedics tried to board the boat, the pair became agitated. Untying the ferry from its dock and setting asail, Whelan shouted, “I’m a pirate! I’m Jack Sparrow!” (At least the paramedics were not made to walk the plank.) Keep reading »
An unnamed, 26-year-old Russian woman has been charged with murdering a man with her bra. Allegedly drunk, the woman and her boyfriend went next door to ask her 65-year-old neighbor for cash to to buy more booze. When the man refused, the woman beat him and then took her bra off and strangled him with it.
Yes, this is an awful crime. This innocent man did not deserve to die at the hands of this terrible woman and her brassiere. But let’s glean what good we can from it, shall we? Women, should you find yourself in a life-threatening situation know that you are wearing a self-defense weapon under your T-shirt. [Mirror UK]
Quick recap here. Sydney Spies is the Colorado high school student whose senior photo was deemed too sexy for her yearbook. Then, she and her mother Miki went on “The Today Show” to defend her right to express herself “artistically.” The whole kerfuffle helped land her a role in the upcoming SyFy channel movie “American Horror House.” OK, I believe that brings us up to speed on Sydney.
The 18-year-old resurfaced on Monday in a Colorado jail. Sydney and her 45-year-old mother, Denise “Miki” Spies, were arrested on suspicion of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, obstructing a police officer and resisting arrest. Meaning, they threw a big ass house party complete with kegs, booze, those red plastic cups, loud music and “numerous” underage kids. When questioned about the party, Miki, an unemployed “lifestylist” (she says she “STYLES the lives people want but don’t have time for,” whatever the hell that means), “broke into a full sprint.” Sydney attempted to block a police officer from entering the house and nearly kicked him in the groin. Eventually, the pair were detained, booked and later released on $15,000 bail. Keep reading »
Dear Chad William Forber,
I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I’ve tried to accept your Crisco fetish. But there is only so much this woman can take. When you get arrested Criscoing in public, that’s when I knew it was over. We had a deal about Criscoing in public! Keep reading »
Rhonda Washington and her husband agree on one thing: She stabbed him during a fight.
However, they can’t agree on whether it was because she was mad that he was high on PCP (her story) or that she didn’t like a post on his Facebook page (his allegation).
Regardless of who’s right, Washington, 33, of Bryan, Texas, was arrested Thursday morning on a felony charge after police said she stabbed her husband with a knife,The Eagle reported. Read more …