Posts tagged "crimes"

Today In Florida: Woman Cuts Her Boyfriend For Cutting The Cheese

It’s happened to all of us at one point or another. You’re sitting on the couch cozying up for a “Real Housewives” marathon and your boyfriend farts in your face. When this happened to you, you probably laughed it off or pretended to be grossed out (unless it really stank, in which case you were…

By: Ami Angelowicz / May 9, 2013

Today In Facebook Crimes: Woman Harasses Herself, Blames Her Ex And His New Girlfriend

I don’t know if this falls under the umbrella of “catfishing” or just plain old bat shit cray revenge, but a Michigan woman is facing felony charges for creating a fake Facebook profile using her ex-boyfriend’s info and using it to make it appear that he and his new girlfriend were harassing her.

By: Ami Angelowicz / May 7, 2013

Florida’s Feet Are Safe Once Again: Serial Foot Molester Has Been Apprehended

Florida police have finally caught long-time serial foot molester Reginald Cruz. The 23-year-old confessed to approaching hundreds of “dark-skin females” ranging in age from 10 to 32 in their cars, at their homes, and while walking down the street and requesting to touch or massage their feet. Police say Cruz used various stories, such as saying…

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 26, 2013

Bike Thief Returns Stolen Bike With Apology Note And Domino’s Coupon

After experiencing a secondhand anxiety attack for the grad student who had their laptop (and 5-year thesis) stolen yesterday, this story is giving me hope. A Reddit user’s bike was stolen, and then returned three nights later with an apologetic note attached, as well as a coupon for a free lava cake at Domino’s (score!).

By: Winona Dimeo-Ediger / April 25, 2013

Today In Terrible Teachers: Esther Irene Stokes Denies Molesting A Student On The Grounds That She’s Racist

Houston teacher Esther Irene Stokes has been charged with molesting a first grade girl, but denies the charges claiming that she would never touch a black child.

“The victim said that she was in the classroom alone with the teacher and that the teacher touched her on the outside of her clothes, o…

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 17, 2013

If You Commit A Crime, Distract The Victim With Your Boobs

The boob tip of the day comes to us straight from a woman in San Francisco. When an argument over a parking spot in the Haight district escalated, the woman intentionally rammed her car into the man’s who would not let her have the parking spot. The woman, who was wearing a super, low-cut dress,…

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 13, 2013

Former Tennessee Vice-Mayor Arrested For Drive-By Masturbation

I often find myself marveling at people’s innovative (and illegal) public masturbation sessions. Like the guy who emptied a vacuum cleaner in a neighbor’s home and then pleasured himself on the dirty floor or the woman who diddled herself on a Florida highway. I know both of these self-love sessions ended in arrest, and I…

By: Ami Angelowicz / April 9, 2013

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Stole 42,000 Pounds Of Cheese

Dear Veniamin Balika,

Let me preface this love letter by saying that I understand that stealing is wrong and don’t condone it. But I can’t help but be impressed by a man who can pull off a cheese heist of unprecedented proportions. I find cheese thievery sexy for obvious reasons.

Veniami…

By: Ami Angelowicz / March 29, 2013

You’ve Hit Rock Bottom When A Semen-Filled Squirt Gun Is Your Weapon Of Choice

Twenty-one-year old Eric Michael Miller of Bellingham, WA has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for burglarizing a home and shooting one of its habitant with a semen-filled squirt gun.

Natch, this sperm shooting was all for drug money. There are always drugs involved. According to court records, Miller and two unidentified…

By: Ami Angelowicz / March 23, 2013

We’re Breaking Up: Man Banned From All Libraries On The Face Of The Earth

Dear Tyree Carter,

You’ve really done it this time. When you started spending a lot of time at the library, I was excited. I thought you were showing me you cared by putting in effort to job hunt and become more literate. I thought that all of our discussions about how I would…

By: Ami Angelowicz / March 18, 2013

Judge Enters Not Guilty Plea For James Holmes

After James Holmes’ attorneys said he was not ready to enter a plea this morning, the judge did it for him—not guilty on 166 counts, including the murder of 12 people in an Aurora movie theater last July and attempting to kill 70 others, reports the Denver Post. The move lets Holmes keep the optio…

By: Newser / March 12, 2013

Do Not Hire This Clothes-Stealing Realtor

Peeps be so weird. World’s creepiest Realtor, Stephen Brumme, was caught on video rummaging through his clients’ drawers and stealing their clothes. The Arlington couple who own the home installed a camera after another bizarro real estate agent dropped a razor blade in their garbage disposal. (WHUT? These poor people have awful Realtor luck.)…

By: Ami Angelowicz / March 8, 2013

14 Bad Teachers Who Make Carly McKinney Look Like A Saint

Last week, I called Carly McKinney, the Colorado high school teacher who was fired for tweeting pot smoking endorsements and half-naked pictures of herself, “the world’s most idiotic teacher.” I stand by this proclamation. What she did was straight up shitbrained. But to be fair, there are soooo many other teachers out there — too many…

By: Ami Angelowicz / February 7, 2013

Online Dater Sues Match.com Because Her Date Tried To Kill Her

I think Mary Kay Beckman wins the award for the worst online date of all time. We complain about our online dates with weirdos and shitbirds (there have been a lot), but we’ve got nothing on her awful date. The 50-year-old real estate agent is suing Match.com for $10 million because her date tried to

By: Ami Angelowicz / January 25, 2013

Man Tattoos An Underage Girl’s Vagina, Faces Rape Charges

Topping the list of things that are wildly inappropriate for a grown man to give a girl for her 15th birthday: a tattoo of his name on her vagina. Thirty-year-old Matthew Abram Rader of Oregon is facing charges of 3rd degree rape, sodomy and second degree online corruption of a minor. In Oregon, sex with…

By: Ami Angelowicz / January 17, 2013

Another Fake Doctor Accused Of Injecting Hazardous Stuff Into Butts

Liliana Coello, from Queens, NY, is another fake doctor accused of administering hazardous butt injections. Coello, 39, allegedly charged her victim a discounted rate for a series of procedures that resulted in an infection that will “pose a life-long issue.”

Prosecutors report that Coello injected a victim’s butt with a clear, gel-like substance,…

By: Ami Angelowicz / December 24, 2012

Shooting At Elementary School In Connecticut, Multiple Injuries

There has been a shooting at the Sandy Hook ELEMENTARY SCHOOL in Newtown, Connecticut, because that’s a great place for guns. More from the Hartford Courant:
State police are responding to a report of a shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Dickinson Drive, school officials said.

Police are reporting a number of injured…

By: HyperVocal / December 14, 2012

7 First Dates So Terrible They Made The News

I once had a first date where the guy told me, in this exact order, that he was “under federal investigation,” “writing a book for young people about how to live their lives,” and that he believed “women should be responsible for changing diapers.” I consider this the very, very worst first date I’ve had…

By: Ami Angelowicz / November 28, 2012

Mantatee Molester Arrested

Molest a manatee and you may find yourself behind bars. Gloria Garcia Guiterrez, the woman who was caught riding a manatee in Florida a couple of months back, was taken into custody this weekend. Authorities showed up at Sears, where the 53-year-old works, and booked her. Guiterrez admitted to taking a joy ride on the…

By: Ami Angelowicz / November 26, 2012

Today In WTF: Man Beats His Girlfriend With A Python

It’s been a very WTF week. But even in the wake of what you think was the most the WTF week, even more WTF stories emerge.

Thirty-four-year-old Keith Paro of West Springfield, MA, turned himself into authorities after beating his girlfriend with his pet python. YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. That is like a…

By: Ami Angelowicz / November 5, 2012
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