Tag Archives: crimes

The Frat Boys Who Broke Into Sea World To Take Selfies With Shamu Clearly Did Not See “Blackfish”

The five frat boys from the University of Houston who broke into Sea World San Antonio clearly did not see the documentary “Blackfish,” a film about the park’s orca whales and all the people they injured or killed in captivity. Otherwise, there’s no way in hell they would have scaled the walls in the middle of the night to eat Dippin’ Dots ice cream and take selfies with the killer whales. Those of us who did see the film will never forget what happened to the gentleman who snuck into the Sea World high on drugs to take an orca joyride. Tilikum killed him. Tily and his offspring, while emotional, majestic animals under the right conditions (namely, not in captivity), are not toys to be played with. And I’m certain that they hate dumbass bros who try to takes selfies with them. Keep reading »

Awful Dentist Fondles Female Patient’s Boobs To Fix Her Crooked Teeth

A Japanese dentist has been arrested for performing a procedure on a patient that absolutely no one has ever heard of.  When the 20-something patient visited the the office for a routine exam, the 53-year-old dentist told the woman that her teeth were badly misaligned and that he could fix them by massaging the tight muscles in her chest. No braces or anything, just a little groping will do the trick!  Keep reading »

School Bus Sex Ends With A Very Loud Queef

In what may be the best police report of all time, Pennsylvania State Police Trooper Brad Jordan attempted to describe an incident which transpired on an Armstrong County Township school bus. His exceptionally penned report read:

“Both the victim and the accused were riding school bus. The accused expelled wind from the vulva during coitus while at the back of the bus. The victim began to laugh and chuckled at the accused for her actions. The accused approached the victim and elbowed him in the testicles. Accused was cited for harassment.”

Let me translate for you: An unidentified 18-year-old girl was having sex (hopefully with a boy of legal age) in the back of the school bus, when she queefed very loudly. A 13-year-old goon riding the bus started giggling at the queef (can you blame him?) and the the girl elbowed him in the balls.

The tragic part: She’s 18 and still has to ride the bus. The even more tragic part: She will forever be known as the school bus queefer. [Liberty Unyielding]

Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter Tattooed Us

Here’s what ‘s not on the approved activities list when you’re babysitting (no matter how bored the kids get): tattooing your charges. Virginia mom Melissa Delp and her boyfriend Daniel Janney returned home from a date to find that their babysitter,  20-year-old Alexander Edwards, had inked Delp’s two young daughters (both under the age of 13) with an at-home tattoo kit. Without anyone’s consent, Edwards reportedly inked one girl’s name on her shoulder. There’s no no word on what kind of tat the other girl received. Keep reading »

Crystal Meth Is Not An Appropriate Tip For Your Server — No Matter How Great The Service Was

Oregon couple Ryan Bensen and Erica Manley must have really enjoyed their dinner at the  Twisted Fish Steakhouse, because when the bill came, they left their waitress with an extra special tip: an envelope , marked with a question mark, and filled with crystal meth. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Steak Thief Who Dressed In A Cow Onesie

Be My Bf: Air Guitar
Eric Mean Melin Air Guitar Champion
He's the 2013 Air Guitar Champion! Read More »
Be My BF: Engineering Student
Be My Boyfriend: Engineering Student Nick Selby Crushes Georgia Tech Convocation -- And Our Hearts
Nick Selby crushed Georgia Teach convocation. Read More »
Be MY BF: Weed and Koolaid
This man dialed 911 looking for weed. Of course. Read More »

Dear Steak Thief,

I don’t condone stealing, really I don’t. But the fact that you dressed up in a cow-printed onesie while stealing porterhouse from the meat aisle demands my admiration. The police seemed to have overlooked your intentional irony. A spokeswoman for the police department released a statement saying that because onesies are a common clothing item, you were “probably not intending to look like the beef [you] were stealing”. Wait, what?  It’s common for men to wear onesies in New Zealand? Maybe I should move there. Keep reading »

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular