Vaginas are not meant to be storage units. They are not meant to be purses. They are not meant to be secret hiding places. You are not supposed to put unsterilized foreign objects in them. Most of us understand these rules. But you’d be surprised. Some women cannot be stopped from violating the terms and conditions of their vaginas. If you dare, click through to see the weirdest things women have stashed in their kitties, the poor things.
She was lovin’ it a little too much. Manatee resident Christine Faith Baker, 47, was arrested after she allegedly offered sexual favors for two McDonald’s dollar-menu cheeseburgers, according to the Miami Herald.
An undercover officer invited Baker into his car on Friday and started talking about sex. Baker allegedly said that her fee was two McDoubles — the dollar-menu version of a double cheeseburger — costing a grand total of $2.75. Read more …
Things you don’t want to hear after you’ve been shot: “I’m sorry, I thought you were a bird.” This was Colorado man Derrill Rockwell’s excuse for shooting a 23-year-old woman in the head with .22-caliber rifle. He thought he was taking down a pesky, red-feathered bird who was harassing his cats. But it turns out it was just a woman with a red mohawk. An easy mistake to make? I guess it didn’t help that he was 90-feet away and she was passed out drunk. Even though the woman survived the head wound, she may be in trouble for the bag of meth found near her. How did I know meth would be involved in this story somehow? Eh, just had a hunch. Not that this makes it her fault for being mistaken for a bird. That blame lies squarely with her mohawk. As for Rockwell, he was slapped with five years probation (he was banned from owning a gun after an attempted burglary conviction in 1995) and a $10,000 fine. He also clearly needs a pair of binoculars if he plans to do any further bird watching. [Boing Boing]
Dear Robert Wilkinson (aka drunk guy who sang “Bohemian Rhapsody” to a cop),
Hello. Nice to meet you. Queen is also my favorite band, although I prefer “Fat Bottomed Girls” or “Somebody to Love.” Sometimes when the world feels overwhelming and I don’t know what to do, I sing Queen. There’s something soothing about singing their songs aloud. They help put life in perspective. Speaking of “Somebody to Love” … I think you should drop me a line if you’re sober now. I’m not into drunks. Plus you live in Canada. I don’t know if serenading cops is a regular thing for you — I really hope not. But this happened back in November, so I’m assuming you’ve got your shit together by now. I should tell you, I really liked your message about “brotherhood of men on the planet earth.” I can tell you are a peaceful man at heart and that “physical violence is the least of [your] priorities.” I think we should go do some karaoke together. What say you?
A Florida woman accused by authorities of illegally injecting toxic substances such as flat-tire sealant and glue into women’s buttocks as an enhancement procedure is facing new charges.
Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies say 32-year-old Oneal Ron Morris faces unlicensed practice of medicine and related charges after three new victims were identified. Read more …
While you were eating your breakfast this weekend, a Pennsylvania woman was being assaulted by hers. The 51-year-old was rushed to the emergency room after her 11-year-old son attacked her with a toaster pastry. Because that’s what you do when you get into a verbal altercation with your mother, you strike her in the face with a Pop Tart. I’ve never thought of using a Pop Tart as a weapon, but I suppose they are rather dense. Hopefully this argument didn’t start because the boy hated his breakfast. Maybe next time she’ll serve him something less dangerous … like scrambled eggs. [Boing Boing]