If you’re like us, you might sometimes have a problem with complex tasks, like trying to drive an ambulance and send a text message at the same time. But hey, at least most of us have figured out the simplest things that get us through the day, right?
Except, you know, some of the simple things we’ve done every day of our lives, like … Keep reading »
In a time when everything from artificial tans to calf implants has become culturally acceptable, for some reason genitals usually get left out of the body-decoration process. The only real option until recently was choosing between carpet or hardwood floors. Not anymore! Now you have exciting options like …
#7 Vajazzling: Originally a high-end spa treatment where a wax job was finished by attaching Swarovski crystals in decorative patterns to the waxed area, vajazzling was introduced to the mainstream by Jennifer Love Hewitt, who is apparently something of a matron saint of this and a huge aficionado herself. Read more… Keep reading »
The courtship process used to be a lot simpler. You used to cruise around in a Firebird and girls would be there, and then there’d be something called heavy petting, and then you were married. The whole process took about three weeks, and could be sped up if the Firebird had been recently washed. The only potentially tricky part was if you had to negotiate a dowry, and that usually wasn’t required unless your bride was Indian or incredibly ugly. Since then, things have gotten far more involved. With our cell phones and our STDs and our Craig’s lists, the courtship process has become incredibly complicated and dangerous, more filled with dangerous loners and viruses and spyware than ever before. Keep reading »
Vatsyayana’s Kama Sutra was a strategy guide for the interaction of penises and vaginas in Gupta-era India (320 to 550 CE), meant to be read by sexual partners to enhance their lovemaking. Well, it turns out there’s a big difference between adopting moral platitudes from thousands of years ago, and trying out their sex advice. Some of the “tips” from the Kama Sutra seem to be setting people up for serious injury should they be performed incorrectly, or in some cases, if they’re performed at all. Read more … Keep reading »
There are some universally acknowledged truths when it comes to dating. These themes are repeated on sitcoms, in romantic comedies, and in your friends’ hookup stories they swear are true.
And, according to science, most of it is wrong. That’s right; somehow, you know even less about romance than you thought you did. Read more … Keep reading »
By the time you’re 30, you’ll be hit with the crushing truth of just how much the grownups didn’t teach you when you were in school. And, while liberals and conservatives haggle over whether public schools need more funding or more lessons on the Ten Commandments, we think all can agree there are some very basic, useful things that we really, really should have been taught in school. Read more …
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Online dating is the romantic equivalent of eating at Denny’s: There’s a menu full of tantalizing photos and enticing descriptions, but that Grand Slam breakfast never looks quite as good when it’s sitting in front of you. Read more …
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Healthy foods, like reality show stars, tend to be both high-maintenance and tasteless. As lazy and spoiled people, we try to find any shortcuts we can to eating healthy without having to prepare fresh food or eat tofu.
Unfortunately, as we all learned from watching children’s cartoons, taking shortcuts can lead to a hilarious comedy of errors. And diabetes. Read more … Keep reading »
It’s a scientific fact that you’re more likely to buy something if the advertising features someone you’d like to bone, be it a Victoria’s Secret commercial or the cover of a box of sexy, sexy Cheerios.
The recording industry knows this, but sometimes forgets that not every musician is suitable for the role of sexy cover model. So, we get unintentionally hilarious/horrifying results like this one. Read more … Keep reading »
Commercials are duplicitous. They are designed to illicit the same response from us as a burning fire; our interest level is minimal at best yet we can’t tear ourselves from a constantly shifting image. Advertisers do this to protect the absurdity in every commercial, encouraging viewers to watch, but not too intently that reason might step in and say, “What the hell is going on here?” And ordinarily, we accept it without argument the same way we accept blue raspberry as a legitimate flavor. Read more … Keep reading »