Tag Archives: cracked

11 Useful Products Too Embarrassing To Actually Use

Imagine a car that runs on tap water and never breaks down or needs replacement parts — would you drive it? We forgot to mention that it’s shaped like a giant clown penis.

Humans are funny creatures — we tend to shun any product, no matter how useful, if it makes us look ridiculous. That’s why virtually none of you own … Keep reading »

4 Reasons Zooey Deschanel Can Stop Pretending She’s A Dork

Don't Call Her "Adorable"
Zooey doesn't like it, dammit. Read More »
Rebel Zooey
A teenager Zooey once wrote a feminist letter to Vogue. Read More »

If you’re anything like me, you track rising movie starlets through a patented system of chicken bone voodoo and Precog upkeep. It’s a good system but sometimes people fall through the cracks. Like when the lil’ water baldies began rolling out the name ‘Zooey’ over and over again, I had to consult other sources to get a reading of what was up. Turns out there’s this girl that everyone is love with. This is her (above). Keep reading »

The 7 Types Of Friend Everyone Needs

Just like a superhero team or jewel thief gang needs each member to specialize in a different skill set, a good circle of friends also needs a wide range of useful skills. While a superhero team might need a guy who is superstrong and a guy who has a lot of gadgets, your friend team might consist of a guy who can get you discounts at the Best Buy and a guy who’s totally cool with feeding your cats when you’re out.

When I suggest assembling such a team, I’m not suggesting you go around preying on emotionally vulnerable people who can do useful things for you and pretend to be their friend. I’m just saying that if you happen to run into some cool people you enjoy hanging out with, who also own a pickup truck, don’t take them for granted.

Sure, you can have friends that are just fun people, or that you are fond of for no logical reason, but that doesn’t mean you don’t also want to have friends such as … Read more… Keep reading »

The 5 Most Accidentally Famous Movie Stars

At the black-tie dinner party of the highest paid professionals in the world, the doctors, the lawyers, the architects and the athletes all earned their seats. They found success after years of training and discipline, even sacrificing love and friendships for the sake of a career. But somehow the actor always ends up at the party too, wearing flip-flops and a knit cap, practicing a British accent while trying to instigate a massage train. Keep reading »

The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied By “Harry Potter”

The Harry Potter series has sold billions of dollars worth of books, movie tickets and DVDs because it’s one of those rare series that children can enjoy but won’t make adults want to gouge out their eyes.

Author J.K. Rowling had a way of throwing a bone to the grown-ups here and there by slipping in sly little adult references along the way. It’s usually done in subtext (like the elderly wizard Dumbledore’s homosexual relationship with the male wizard Grindelwald), but sometimes it’s right there in the open for anyone perceptive enough to get it.

And sometimes, that s**t gets nasty. Read more… Keep reading »

The 5 Least Romantic Keys To A Happy Relationship

Any old talk show psychologist can give you the business about date nights and fetish gear to keep the spark alive. That’s Talk Show Psychologist Tips For Romance 101. But it takes a ballsy renegade to have the guts to let you know that saving a relationship might be about imagining the most romantic solutions possible — then doing the opposite. That ballsy renegade is us.
Keep reading »

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular