Tag Archives: cracked

The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied By “Harry Potter”

The Harry Potter series has sold billions of dollars worth of books, movie tickets and DVDs because it’s one of those rare series that children can enjoy but won’t make adults want to gouge out their eyes.

Author J.K. Rowling had a way of throwing a bone to the grown-ups here and there by slipping in sly little adult references along the way. It’s usually done in subtext (like the elderly wizard Dumbledore’s homosexual relationship with the male wizard Grindelwald), but sometimes it’s right there in the open for anyone perceptive enough to get it.

And sometimes, that s**t gets nasty. Read more… Keep reading »

The 5 Least Romantic Keys To A Happy Relationship

Any old talk show psychologist can give you the business about date nights and fetish gear to keep the spark alive. That’s Talk Show Psychologist Tips For Romance 101. But it takes a ballsy renegade to have the guts to let you know that saving a relationship might be about imagining the most romantic solutions possible — then doing the opposite. That ballsy renegade is us.
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5 Incredibly Uncomfortable Yet SFW Sex Videos

The following videos and video stills contain not a single image of nudity or implied nudity. There is no sex. No drug use. No violence.

But make no mistake, watching them will make you feel dirty. If someone walked up behind you, you might instinctively find yourself frantically trying to close the window before you realized absolutely nothing profane was being displayed on screen. Even though these are fully-dressed people, you will feel like you have done something horribly wrong.

That’s because by watching these, you have done something horribly wrong. Read more… Keep reading »

7 Female Behaviors That Baffle Men (Explained!)

In a previous article, I talked about some of the big questions men ask about women, about relationships and communication and all that boring stuff. But in focusing on the serious man/woman issues of our time, I missed out on other less dramatic, yet equally pressing issues, like why girls go to the bathroom together.

Well, here it is. I hope you’re happy. Keep reading »

The 16 Most Hilariously Dishonest Old School Advertisements

Modern advertising constantly straddles the line between creative marketing and straight-up bullshit. But back in the old days, advertising companies got away with winning their bread and butter through straight poker-faced lies.

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Stupidity Digest: 1516 Ways To Kill The Romance

Romance is a source of mystery for most men. You try to open the door for a woman and she tells you she’s not coming into the men’s room. You spell her name in rose petals and she spells your name on a restraining order. Romance is confusing! Luckily, I remembered something my third fifth grade teacher said to me. Not about romance (he taught me about that with only his eyes and hands), but about learning. He said books! Something about books! Well I tried it. And after reading these books and their 1516 tips on romance, the only thing I know about the subject is that books are idiots. Read more… Keep reading »

8 Weirdly Sexual Products You Won’t Believe Are For Kids

kids stripper pole photo

Raising a little girl is hard. You have all these decisions to make: schools to choose, what to feed them, how to make sure they don’t grow up half as weird as you did. And of course, at some point you’ll have to tell her about the birds and the bees. But all that sex stuff can wait until later, right?

Well, around age six, if your nearest department store is to be believed. In stores and catalogues for kids you can find items like … Read more… Keep reading »

5 Awful Things Nobody Tells You About Moving

Oh, sure, you’ve moved before: To a better neighborhood, a bigger house or just to spite that bitch Stacy at work who said she lived in a “very exclusive neighborhood.” It’s not a big deal. You suffer through one s**tty weekend, buy your friends cheap beer and sub-food quality pizza in exchange for manual labor, and you’re done. But the big move — the out-of-state, thousand-mile, cross-country, f**k-all move — is a different story. There are all sorts of traps, pitfalls and dastardly sons of bitches lurking out there, just waiting to pounce on you in your vulnerable state of temporary Hobo-osity. And nobody warns you about them … presumably because Big Moving has had all of their protesting tongues cut out and fed into the secret Misery Engines that really keep those trucks running.
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The 5 Least Romantic Keys To A Happy Relationship

Any old talk show psychologist can give you the business about date nights and fetish gear to keep the spark alive. That’s Talk Show Psychologist Tips For Romance 101. But it takes a ballsy renegade to have the guts to let you know that saving a relationship might be about imagining the most romantic solutions possible — then doing the opposite. That ballsy renegade is us.

#5. Spend Less Time Together: So it’s been a long week at work, both of you are stressed out and when you do see each other, you end up fighting like rabid monkeys. But now it’s the weekend! You can relax and spend your free time playing tennis (which he loves) and taking pictures of each other with ironic finger mustaches (which she loves). But you have to do these things together because you are a couple, dammit, and you love each other. Read more… Keep reading »

4 Romantic Books To Disgust And Annoy Your Lover

Some articles require a lengthy explanation in order to give the reader a context in which to view them. This is not one of those. What I am doing here is simple: I’m proving, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that romance guru and best-selling author of 1001 Ways to be Romantic, Gregory J.P. Godek is the stupidest, laziest waste of stem cells to ever “write” a book. Every time Godek’s semeny, pizza-covered fingers touch his keyboard, the world’s collective I.Q. drops. Read more… Keep reading »

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