cracked

News

Let’s say that tomorrow you are elected Secret Ruler of the USA, a position that gives you total power over the government, economy, and the culture at large — everything that hippies refer to as “the system.” Now, your first job is to not get beheaded by rioting peasants, which means your first job is… READ MORE »


Celebs

Over the years, we’ve poked fun at a lot of “based on a true story” movies that turned out to be bullshit. But then we thought that maybe we should stop giving Hollywood shit for embellishing history a bit if it lets them tell a slightly better story. So instead, we decided to give Hollywood… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

As teenagers, we all went through that phase where everything in your house looks like a vagina or a penis, depending on your preference — it’s the one thing American Pie got right about the human condition. Most grow out of that phase eventually, while others start companies devoted to turning everyday items into things… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Because of porn’s world-controlling nature, it’s not much of a surprise to find out that it bleeds into real life. I’m not just talking about the whole “let’s change positions every two minutes for no reason” thing that the more athletic of us attempt. I’m talking about real people pulling porn into reality, with some… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Online dating, despite all the success stories, can still be a pretty dicey thing. So much so that sometimes you just wish these sites would hire full-time screeners to weed out the nutbags. But until they do, we asked our readers to use the power of image manipulation and show us some profiles that will… READ MORE »


Style

We’re all interested in fitness, or at least in maintaining the idea that we might start getting fit any day now; man, get off our back. As such, there are tons and tons of advice out there on how to tone your body into a veritable machine made of health and sexiness. And a ton… READ MORE »


News

Feminism! And with that one word, I’ve already set the world speed record for turning a comment section into a septic tank. As a guy writing on the Internet, I’m not the right demographic to tell you about feminism, but I’m absolutely the right demographic to tell you about the assholes reacting against it. Read moreREAD MORE »


News

You’ve heard it in 10,000 cop shows: “You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.” As much as people tend to hate on lawyers, that moment when you have your face crammed into the hood of a squad car is when most decide those appointed… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

It’s not everyone who can watch a horror thriller, point at the villain and say, “Hey, that’s me!” But you can if you have  borderline personality disorder — that’s the condition that Hollywood loves to scare the shit out of men with in movies like  “Fatal Attraction.” Any movie of that “woman seems OK at first,… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

If prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, stripping may very well be the second oldest — it all depends on exactly when the first uptight humans decided people shouldn’t walk around with their most enticing bits flopping nakedly in the wind. As soon as clothing became the norm, taking that clothing off became a profitable gig for… READ MORE »


Entertainment


Love & Sex

To a young guy with not much money, sperm donation seems too good to be true. It pays well (as we’ve pointed out before) and requires you to do nothing more than what you’d be doing anyway. And if you happen to help a childless couple along the way, that’s just icing on the cake. READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Whether you’re in the 99 percent or the 1 percent, sex is the one thing that unifies us all. It’s not like the richest people on earth can upgrade to platinum genitals that fire aphrodisiac darts, right? Right?
Well, no they can’t. But it turns out that rich people have access to all sorts… READ MORE »


Entertainment

If you’re anything like me, you had two parents: The Streets, and Pop Culture. When it comes to The Streets, I cannot give a higher recommendation, every kid should be so lucky to spend a few years in the school of hard knocks and so forth. As far as Pop Culture goes, however, there are… READ MORE »


Entertainment


Guys

Sorry, single people, this week’s column is for lovers only. Now that those lonely people are gone, hold that lover close and enjoy 50 highlights from three romantic books that offer tips for every day of the year: 365 Ways to KISS Your Love365 Great Ways to Say I Love You, and 365 Ways to be Romantic by… READ MORE »


Guys

Imagine a car that runs on tap water and never breaks down or needs replacement parts — would you drive it? We forgot to mention that it’s shaped like a giant clown penis.

Humans are funny creatures — we tend to shun any product, no matter how useful, if it makes us look… READ MORE »


Celebs

If you’re anything like me, you track rising movie starlets through a patented system of chicken bone voodoo and Precog upkeep. It’s a good system but sometimes people fall through the cracks. Like when the lil’ water baldies began rolling out the name ‘Zooey’ over and over again, I had to consult other sources to… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Just like a superhero team or jewel thief gang needs each member to specialize in a different skill set, a good circle of friends also needs a wide range of useful skills. While a superhero team might need a guy who is superstrong and a guy who has a lot of gadgets, your friend team… READ MORE »


Celebs

At the black-tie dinner party of the highest paid professionals in the world, the doctors, the lawyers, the architects and the athletes all earned their seats. They found success after years of training and discipline, even sacrificing love and friendships for the sake of a career. But somehow the actor always ends up at the… READ MORE »


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