For anyone who is remotely active on Facebook, you no doubt have been faced at some point with inane updates on one of your friend’s kid’s colds or how wedding-planning was coming along for one of your engaged friends. That’s why, when parenting website Babble published their list of “Facebook’s Five Most Annoying Parents,” I immediately thought, “But what about all the annoying couples?” So, without further ado, I present Facebook’s Five Most Annoying Couples, after the jump.

The two of you are inseparable. You’re every romantic comedy cliché come to life. He’s the cream in your coffee. The Jim to your Pam—not that you even remember who they are, because with all the lovemaking, you hardly have time to waste on sitcoms like “The Office.”

When you’re not busy rutting, you spend hours just staring at each other, marveling at your good fortune. Everything reminds you of him and you can’t stop talking about how fantastically happy you are. In fact, you’re so busy, you probably haven’t even noticed that, except for calls from your shmoopie, your phone has stopped ringing. (Unless it’s your mom calling to wonder if you’re finally going to squeeze out some grandchildren for her.)

But your friends? They seem to have disappeared. In the haze of your love drunkenness, you might believe this is because they’re jealous. But more likely it’s because you’ve become one of the “smug marrieds” from Bridget Jones’ Diary—a book I loathed, but she sure got that part right. And you’re not even married. Yet.

You probably won’t find Michelle and Barry O. making eyes over a plate of Swedish meatballs in the cafe any time soon (though you never do know!), but The New York Times is claiming more and more of us are heading to the Scandinavian superstore for a few romantic moments alone. Ahh, love amongst the Lack storage solutions! And parents are taking full advantage of the child care centers called “Smaland,” dumping the little rugrats off for up to an hour and a half of supervised playtime in the ball pit, and heading to the couch section to read the paper together in silence. (Actually, Ikea estimates that “Smaland” attendance has jumped roughly 20 percent so far this year in its stores in major American cities.)

I bet it makes for a tab that you’ll both be fighting to pay. Don’t worry, sweetums, it’s my treat this time! [NY Times]

We get really annoyed when we hear couples speaking lovey-dovey language and dropping inside jokes. But these annoying couple-isms could be signs of a strong, satisfying relationship. According to one study, couples who use pet names and code phrases experienced more satisfaction in their relationship.

College Candy posted an article on the five most annoying couple-isms, like those twosomes who insist on using lame nicknames for each other in public (#3), and those obnoxious couples who fight in public (#5) — something I think most of us can agree is even worse than PDAs (#1). The list was pretty spot-on, but too brief. Those of us who have had the displeasure of spending time around annoying couples know there are way more than five traits that set them apart, so here are seven more couple-isms that cannot be overlooked.

Couples always seem to catch a lucky break over Valentine’s Day. They can’t just be happy to have someone to spend the day with. No! That’s not enough for couples; they seem to get all the cool Valentine’s Day promotions as well. For example, many hotels are offering cute weekend getaways, restaurants always have romantic dinner specials, and the most relaxing place in the world, the spa, is offering couples massages and packages. Everywhere I look, it’s “free for couples” this, and “lovers special” that. Ugh! Well, it’s time I take my frustration out on something…

Call me a snoop, but I’ve always been curious about couples’ lives together. Yesterday’s New York Times featured photos of couples in bed together, giving people with prying eyes (like me!) a glimpse at intimate moments in the bedroom. Taken by real-life couple James Frank Tribble and Tracey Mancenido, the “Pillow Talk” series might make you feel a little like a peeping Tom. And it make you want to head over to Bed Bath & Beyond for some new sheets. [NY Times]

Don’t you just hate it when a friend starts dating a guy and she does absolutely everything with him? She can’t go to the grocery store without him, she can’t do her laundry without him, and she certainly can’t update her Facebook status without including his name. We’ve been noticing that a bunch of couples are doing joint status updates, i.e., “John and Jane are ringing in the New Year!” or “Kelly and Josh just got the most amazing espresso machine.” We don’t like it. Isn’t the internet the last refuge for lonely singles?

There seems to be a lot of infidelity lately—just look at some of the biggest celebrity breakup of 2008. But not all cheating leads to splits. In an article that ran in London’s Sunday Times, writer Kate Spice investigates why wives have stood by their men even as they’re sleeping with someone else. Some of the reasons for staying with an adulterous spouse were:

-For the kids’ sake.
-Because she doesn’t want to have sex (and letting her husband have a mistress is akin to hiring someone to clean the house).
-For the good of a family business.
-As long as he comes back, it isn’t doing any harm.
-Love.

Is there anything that would make you want to stay with a man who cheated on you? Tell us in the comments…

The U.S. Census Bureau’s 2007 American Housing Survey was released today, revealing that housing units in this country increased by 3.8 million from 2005 to 2007. In total, there are 124.4 million housing units, 110.7 of them occupied; however, not all of them are created equal:

I haven’t had a dishwasher since I lived with my parents, but that’s okay because I live alone and don’t generate many dirty dishes. However, I think dishwashers greatly aid relationships. Unlike decades ago when these machines didn’t exist, doing the dishes or washing clothes doesn’t take much time or energy. Instead, all you have to do is press a button and wait. If you live with others, even friends, dirty dishes are a frequent cause of arguments, so having a dishwasher should mean there’s less to fight about—but then there’s the question of who has to load it and who has to unload it. For a couple to be truly well-matched, one should like to load and the other unload. Maybe I should put an ad on Craigslist: SWU looking for ML (that’s male loader—I prefer putting the dishes back in their cupboards). [U.S. Census Bureau]

It would be hard to find a more fitting pair than of sex and travel. Here, one adventurer, who has kissed an uncounted number of men who don’t share her zip code, shares her experience combining the two through more than 30 countries.

Having a boyfriend you’ve been on vacation with isn’t the same thing as having a boyfriend. Vacationing together is a serious step, and you need to proceed with caution. It’s kind of like meeting the parents, a move nobody makes on the first date. There’s more to consider than the cost of plane tickets. Of course, a few trial sleepovers can help, but there are other things to consider…

If you are trying to occupy yourself at work (only four more hours until 5 p.m.), I recommend you read this cute story. It’s about a man who met his wife on Craigslist, and not in the “casual encounters” section. Chris Ayres sold his couch to a woman named Lucie, and today they’re married and have a kid. [The Times, U.K.]

Tommy recently told Rolling Stone, “Pamela and the kids have moved in with me…. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together.” [Las Vegas, 8/19/95]

If another couple jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?

A few years ago, I was designated driver during a long night of excessive drinking. My friend, we’ll call her Monica, was in the passenger’s seat and her boyfriend, uh, Joe, was in the back. Joe said something that pissed Monica off and a screaming match ensued, complete with swipes from front-to-back-seat and vice-versa. It was loud, violent and whiskey-soaked and it escalated to the point where Joe threatened to jump out, even opening the car door while we were going about 40 on a highway entrance ramp. This rare, too-intimate look into their relationship was something I never want to see again.

For many couples that’ve been going steady for a while, the first big relationship hurdle occurs when they go on vacation together. Chuck Thompson, author of the fantastically hilarious book Smile When You’re Lying, says that there are five very important breakthroughs that occur when taking a vacay together. “Traveling together is really practice for living together or even being married,” he says. “It’s the first time you’re going to be in each others constant company for, let’s say, a week straight. That is much different than seeing someone three times a week or even seeing them everyday for a few hours. It’s a real test of compatibility.” The five travel-induced hurdles that will make or break your relationship, after the jump.

So they really threw the Big Brother house guests a curveball last night! A few days ago, Julie Chen, the show’s “host”, told the crew of couples that at some point an incredibly shrill alarm would sound, signaling that the house guests should gather in the living room for a very important announcement. After all, the Big Brother motto is “expect the unexpected” (and “don’t worry, I’m sure mom and dad aren’t watching the live feeds”). So last night, just after it was revealed that Alison and Ryan were the latest couple voted out of the house, that shrill bell did ring—whereupon Julie announced that they were now playing as individuals, giving the 9th season’s theme, “‘Till Death Do You Part” a whole new meaning. Because breaking up is like dying! Get it? Anyway, this is a welcome game play change for the viewers and the house guests, because, let’s face it, all of the couples so scientifically put together by the Big Brother matchmakers don’t really like each other (except my picks to go to the end, James and Chelsia) and the idea of sharing the big jackpot at the end must have been kind of a downer. [CBS: Big Brother]