Tag Archives: couples and money

Dear Wendy: “My New Boyfriend Disapproves Of How I Handle My Ex”

I recently separated from a boyfriend of several years and am now dating someone new. Long story short, I separated from the ex because I always had to pay for everything. I feel stupid and angry at how long I accepted no progress with him. The separation so far has been reasonably amicable and I’m trying to keep it that way. New guy knows the situation and that I am still settling some financial items. I own the cars, for example, including a truck the ex put 1/3 of the money into. At first, I was willing to just let him have the truck, which he really wants, and I would take the other cheaper car, but the new guy doesn’t agree with me on this. Basically, he feels I’ve paid more than enough into the relationship and should at least get some money from the truck. I agreed, and so I told the ex; he balked, but agreed to pay me some more for the truck (but not its full value). He doesn’t have a job though, and the insurance is coming due; I want it transferred to him already but I’m worried he’s not going to pay me for it. New guy would not be happy if he found out ex got away with the truck, but deep down, I just want to put this all behind me. I’m worried, though, that he’ll assume if I don’t stick it to the ex like he deserves, that means I’m still okay with being walked all over. Am I being a pushover still? What do I do? — Possible Pushover

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Girl Talk: More On Marrying For Money

Of all the personal essays I’ve written, “Why Marrying For Money Isn’t A Totally Bad Idea” has provoked the biggest response. It has actually run twice on the Frisky site: once about a year ago and again in June for our Cash & Coupling feature. Due to all that exposure, it has racked up comments numbering in the hundreds and been written about (90 percent negatively) on dozens of blogs. Someone even sent me an email calling me a “yeast infection”!

Some of the things written about the post, and about me, are so untrue that I’m not sure the author actually read the essay all the way through. But it’s clear to me — both from the tone of the comments and from seeing the piece run with “fresh eyes” for a second time — that I did not explain myself and my beliefs very well. I think that instead of being speculative, I should have gotten more personal.

So. Here we go, again … Keep reading »

Cash & Coupling: 15 Tips For Throwing A Wedding On A Budget

When I planned my wedding for last summer in one of the most expensive cities in the world (New York City) during the worst economic climate since the Great Depression, I picked up a few tips for couples looking to throw a wedding on a budget. I learned how to cut costs and stay sane without compromising too much on what I wanted. If you’re willing to be flexible and open to nontraditional ideas, you, too, can have the “perfect” wedding, whatever your budget may be. After the jump, 15 tips for throwing a budget wedding. Keep reading »

Cash & Coupling: Why Marrying For Money Isn’t A Totally Bad Idea

Out in paperback now: the book Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream—And How They’re Paying For It, by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake. Forget for a moment that they annoyingly refer to grown women as “girls” in their title and check out their thesis: because, for a variety of reasons, men earn more money than women, it’s a wise move to marry someone who can provide for you and your family. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Ex-Fiancé Won’t Help Pay Off Our Engagement Debt”

Three years ago I was engaged, but after much reflection, realized I wasn’t ready for marriage and called off the wedding. My ex-fiance, though surprised and hurt, was nevertheless understanding about the situation. I returned the ring and informed the reception venue that we would no longer be needing their services. The venue did not return the $2,000 deposit I had put down on my credit card and three years later, I still am nowhere near close to paying it off. I recently became a full-time graduate student and am having difficulty paying my minimum balance each month. Here’s my question: is my ex obligated to help me pay off this debt, or should I consider the debt as all mine now, since I was the one who ended the engagement? He has acknowledged multiple times since the breakup that part of the debt is his and promises to pay me back “when he has the money,” but in the last four months, he’s only sent one $25 check. We’re trying to remain friends, but when I think about the way he’s handling this situation I become furious. Should I push him to send money regularly? Should I talk to him about this (again) and try to salvage a friendship? Or should I just consider myself lucky that I didn’t merge my finances with this person and move on? — Runaway Bride

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Cash & Coupling: When Your Financial Backgrounds Are Like Night And Day

It’s usually obvious what your partner got from his ‘rents: Mom’s baby blues and cooking talents, Dad’s oddly shaped feet and football fanaticism. What’s less obvious is how much those same parents affected his attitude towards paying his rent. Not since you voted for a Democrat and your man a Republican has there been a fight as polarizing as opposing spending philosophies – unless your man participates in Team Jacob vs. Team Edward debates, in which case you have more serious problems than your approach to budgets.

As much as you like it when you see your man doing his own laundry just like his mama taught him, how do you find balance when he and the old man take turns buying the bar a round after their team wins the championship? If you find yourself wondering if you and your partner’s financial backgrounds are from the same economic galaxy, Mitch Newman, M.A. The Relationship Coach, offers the following advice. Keep reading »

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