Tag Archives: couples and money

Cash & Coupling: We’re Buying A Home — But I’m Covering The Down Payment

Maybe you want to put a monogrammed welcome mat outside the door of a cute Craftsman cottage, or maybe you’re searching for a loft with a view. No matter what kind of digs you’re shopping for, if you’re in a committed relationship you’re probably shopping with the idea that the one permanent fixture is gonna be your significant other. Buying a home with the one you love is a huge commitment – one that can be even harder to get out of than marriage vows. You’re putting your credit score, your savings, and your personal space on the line. You might not be expecting your man to bring much to the decorating table – in fact, you may be desperately hoping he won’t – but realizing that he’s coming to the closing table empty-handed can be even more frustrating than his insistence on keeping that recliner.

If you’ve been following The Frisky’s articles on buying a home, you know to expect to put down 3.5 to 20 percent of the purchase price, and it can be discouraging to realize you’re the only one with cash. We talked to Dr. Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things that can Ruin Your Marriage, about how to approach a home purchase when the whole down payment is coming from you. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Is Too Broke To Take Me Out For My Birthday”

I’m 25 and have been dating a 28-year-old guy for seven months. He’s really fun, sweet, and a generous lover (he won’t be done until he’s gotten me off at least twice!). We recently said the L word — which was HUGE for him because he’s never said it before in a relationship. The issue is he’s a freelance music engineer, and basically earns only enough to make rent and go to a bar here and there — nothing extra. Last week was my birthday and he was going to take me out to a restaurant, but he didn’t make enough at the pawn shop to afford it. Later in the week he manages to make $20, so he goes out to buy pot with it. I’m all, “What about dinner?” And he says, “Well, it wasn’t enough to get food anyway,” and leaves it at that. Then, last night, I ask him about the jobs he said he was applying for and he point-blank says, “I’m not looking.” I ask why and he says he likes his freedom and “makes enough” freelancing, which is true, he does — for himself. So basically, I’m dating a grown man who lives with younger guys in a frat house-type setting and can’t afford to take his girlfriend out to dinner for her 25th birthday. I don’t want to tell him to get a job or I’m leaving him because he’s treating me well, but I’m worried about what kind of future I can have with him. What’s your outside perspective? — Blinded by Love

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Cash & Coupling: Who Pays For What On Your First Vacation?

Whether you’re heading to Colorado or Cabo, thinking about your first vacation with your man likely has you more hot and bothered than the new season of “True Blood.” From the moment you compared calendars, visions of couple’s massages and romantic dinners have probably been all you can think about. But before you make a single reservation, take a step back to consider how you and your significant other – as a couple – are gonna pay for the trip. Discussing who’s paying for what may feel awkward, especially if this is the first time you’ve ever had to talk money as a twosome, but it can be great practice for your future together. With this advice from Nicholas Aretakis, author of Ditching Mr. Wrong, you can breeze through vacation planning and ensure there won’t be money trouble in paradise. Keep reading »

Cash & Coupling: How To Handle Financial Infidelity

We all fear discovering an unfamiliar perfume lingering on our man’s collar or a smudge of lipstick that isn’t our shade, but sometimes his cheating isn’t with another woman … it’s with his wallet. Maybe you found a statement for a credit card you never knew existed, or suspect he’s been blowing the cash you thought he was saving for retirement. When your faith in your partner’s honesty and financial fidelity is shaken, how do you keep it from tearing your relationship apart? Manisha Thakor, The Frisky’s personal finance expert for women, offers the following advice for coping after he’s been fiscally unfaithful. Keep reading »

Cash & Coupling: How Having A Baby Changed Us — Financially

When I began dating my now husband, I already had a little girl from a previous relationship. In order to get serious with me, he had to adjust to the idea of late-night dinners at restaurants to takeout scheduled around bedtime. Luckily, he did so beautifully and won both my and my daughter’s hearts.

One wedding, two successful careers, and a substantial mortgage later, my husband adopted my daughter and we were ready to add another tax deduction to the mix. We were used to having to make adjustments to accommodate life’s surprises, so we thought a baby would cause minimal monetary ripples in our fairly stable life. We couldn’t have been more wrong. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Makes A Lot More Than I Do, But Wants To Split The Bills Evenly”

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, living together for about half of that. We have a fantastic, loving relationship with definite plans for marriage in the future. We’re in the middle of trying to find a new house to rent and are having a tough time based on our budget and specifications (we have two dogs). Here’s the problem: even though my boyfriend makes about $15k more than I do, he wants us to split the rent 50/50, which limits our affordable housing options quite a bit. I have asked him to consider contributing more for rent — not a lot, just a little more — and he kind of laughed at the suggestion and said, “I don’t think so.” I wouldn’t even have asked him, but our lease is up soon, and all we’re finding to move into is sub-par. We both work full-time, and I also have another job on the side. I’m underpaid at a job I probably wouldn’t have taken had it not been for the economy, but I’m making the best out of it. Note that we don’t share a checking account because he doesn’t like the idea of it; our finances are separate and we split everything down the middle. Should I be concerned at his attitude? Or should I just chalk it up to him wanting to save money for our future? I do tend to be all about equality in relationships, so maybe he takes that as a sign that everything has to be equal? — Poor House

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