Tag Archives: consent

Girl Talk: On Dealing With Rape Within A Relationship

Disclosing My Rape
She's started telling guys on the first date that she was once raped. Read More »
On Consent Culture
What would a world where consent was honored look like? Read More »
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Rape Within Relationships

I was always utterly convinced that I was stronger and more logically driven than the average woman when it came to dealing with relationships. I remember reading stories about women who stayed with men after being hurt by them; who made excuses for a man’s violation or abuse, swatting away any logical notion of leaving and taking their dignity with them. For what? Validation? I never understood what the hell that was supposed to mean. Rather than reaching out to friends, family or professionals for help, you stick around to be validated by the very person that took something from you? That, and all the other obscure, irrational reasons that are so often cited. I was convinced that I was far too strong and sensible to ever stick around after being treated poorly. I’d turn and leave the asshole to fester in his guilt … at the very least.

Well, when it happened to me I didn’t leave. As for excuses? I made a trillion of them. Keep reading »

Radical Feminist Interview On Thought Catalog Takes Potshot At Sex-Positive Feminism & Kink, Questions Consent

Soapbox: Judgey Feminism
Elizabeth Wurtzel reminds us how anti-feminist it is to judge other women's decisions. Read More »
Teaching Boys Feminism
kids photo
How to teach boys to be feminists. Read More »
On Feminist In-Fighting
Can't we all just get along? Read More »
Frisky Feminism!
Everything The Frisky has ever written about feminism! Read More »
rosie the riveter

Last night, I was reading a piece on the blog Thought Catalog in which writer Marie Calloway interviewed two young women about the current state of “radical feminism.” I read it not only because feminism is my beat, but also because the current understanding that I have in my mind about radical feminism is based off what I know about Redstockings, and historical figures like anarchist Emma Goldman and Valerie Solanas and I’m sure is woefully outdated in 2013.

And the interviews with Alexandria Brown, a radical feminist/philosopher, and Jillian Horowitz, a CUNY grad student in women’s, gender and sexuality studies, were educational and interesting. (To be clear, in the piece, Horowitz said she doesn’t identify with radical feminism “in its current permutation” and added that she might be considered by other radical feminists to be a “funfem”/a feminist who only engages on feminine, fluffy issues.) Alas, the part in the interview with Horowitz that critiqued “sex positive feminism” and kink didn’t sit right with me.  Keep reading »

Kickstarter Apologizes For Not Removing Fundraiser For Book Of Rape Tips

Dating An Ex-PUA
pickup artist
She dated an ex- Pickup Artist. Read More »
On Rejection
man crying over rejection
Men, you need to learn how to handle rejection with dignity. Read More »
Book With Rape Tips
above the game
Kickstarter project raising money for a book filled with rape tips. Read More »
kickstarter pulls above the game rape book

Earlier this week we learned about a Kickstarter fundraiser to publish Above The Game: A Guide For Getting Awesome With Women. The book by a Connecticut “pickup artist” named Ken Hoinsky originated as “seduction” advice  posted on Reddit; he used the fundraising site to ask for a few thousand bucks to publish his wisdom to the masses. You know, innocent little tips like:

Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don’t ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick.

Shockingly, Hoinsky’s book raised over $16,000 — far, far more than it originally sought for publication. Rightfully so, people were outraged by the content and the fact he would get all that money via Kickstarter. As of Wednesday night, a petition from DoSomething.org had garnered over 50,000 signatures asking Kickstarter to remove and on Thursday morning, representatives from Do Something went to Kickstarter headquarters to deliver the petition. The petition asked the company to take down the project, refuse to issue Hoinsky the funds, and publicly apologize for posting it in the first place.

Guess what? They finally did.

Keep reading »

Kickstarter Project Raising Money For A Book Filled With Rape Tips

Dating Don'ts: Negging
Just say no to negging! Read More »
Dating An Ex-PUA
pickup artist
She dated an ex- Pickup Artist. Read More »
On Rejection
man crying over rejection
Men, you need to learn how to handle rejection with dignity. Read More »
above the game

People use Kickstarter to raise money for all sorts of dubious projects. Celebs funding movies. Celebs funding albums. Tips on how to rape women.

Wait, what?

Oh yes. Behold, Above The Game: A Guide To Getting Awesome With Women, by Ken Hoinsky of Connecticut, a new book that conflates advice on how to date rape women with tips on seduction. Keep reading »

On Don Draper, Dick Whitman & Consent

Joan Leans In
Was Joan Holloway right to disobey her bosses? Read More »
The Ladies Of "Mad Men"...
... versus the creepy dudes of online dating site OK Cupid. Read More »
Joan Holloway On Dating
10 things Joan Holloway would say about dating. Read More »
don draper prostitute sexual assault
  • SPOILER: Why wasn’t there more of a discussion about the prostitute who nursed a young Dick Whitman back to health and then took sexual advantage of him? [The Atlantic]
  • There’s an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal today by editorial board member James Taranto that posits the military’s effort to clean up sexual assault is a “war on male sexuality.” As blogger Amanda Marcotte put it so well on Twitter, “Most men don’t rape, actually, James Taranto. But implying that they do emboldens rapists who want to believe they’re normal.” [Wall Street Journal]
  • Senator Claire McCaskill of Missouri announced a Support For Hillary political action committee to encourage former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to run for president in 2016. [Guardian UK] Keep reading »

Crazy: Parents Paid Tattoo Artist To Sabotage Teen Daughter’s Tattoo

Mastectomy Tattoos
breast cancer mastectomy tattoos
Breast cancer survivors ink their stories on their chests. Read More »
Tattooed 11-Yr-Old?
If your 11-year-old asks for a tattoo, you should probably say no. Read More »

The show “Tattoo Nightmares” is simple: people with horrible tattoos complain about how horrible their tattoos are, then get new tattoos to cover up the damage.

Usually the new ink looks a little strange, but the original tattoos sometimes represent some kind of emotional damage, so they are worth covering up. In the case of a young woman named Kristina with an unfortunate cabbage tattoo, it’s her parents and the ink that are horrible. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Abuse Within Kink (Or This One Time Some Really Bad Stuff Happened To Me)

On BDSM
kinky photo
BDSM is not "consensual domestic violence." Read More »
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »
woman panties

Recently I went home with a kinky man after our first date. The experience phased in and out of being consensual throughout the night. I distinctly left his apartment feeling violated and I continued to feel violated for several days after.

We found each other online because both of us were interested in dominant/submissive (D/s) sex, particularly in spanking. I thought this man would be dominant in bed, as per his online dating profile and a conversation we’d had about it on our date. But instead of just dominant, he was controlling. Before we started playing, I told him the “safe word” I wanted to use. A safe word is a word or phrase used by kinky people during sexual play that they want the play to stop immediately; I never play with a partner without one. To my surprise, this guy told me that safe word I chose was “terrible” and to use something else. That raised a red flag right off the bat.

Another red flag came at one point during play when he called me a “bitch.” I’m not against being called names in bed. In fact, with a partner whom I know and trust, being called a “bad girl” or a “slut” can be really hot! But we never had a conversation about using words like that, and if we had, I would have told him that the word “bitch” was not OK with me.   Keep reading »

French Kissing No Longer Considered As Rapey In The Netherlands

Awkward Celeb Kisses
Awkward Celebrity Kisses
You can tell these celebs needs more practice. Read More »
How NOT To Kiss
The worst smooches ever. Read More »
First Time For Everything
Kissing a girl for the first time is exciting! Read More »

Tongues away, everyone! A Dutch Supreme Court panel decided on Tuesday that forcible French-kissing should not be on par with rape. For 15 years, The Netherlands’ criminal code stated a “forced-tongue kiss” and rape both carried a maximum 12-year prison sentence. But this panel of three men and two women overturned a rape conviction on a man who forcibly French kissed a woman, instead ruling that forced tongue kissing is indecent (sexual) assault, which carries a lesser eight-year sentence.

Now, I most certainly do not approve of forced anything in the realm of sexual sexytimes. CONSENT, y’all! But you might be wondering, as I did, why forcing your tongue in someone’s mouth was seen as criminal as forcing your penis in someone’s anus/vagina/mouth . According to the Daily Beast, The Netherlands have a broad definition of rape as “any form of unwanted sexual penetration,” which mean to include penetrating body part into any orifice. I guess these judges decided the law needed to be more nuanced. What do you think of the decision? Agree or disagree? Let us know in the comments! [The Daily Beast]

Guy Talk: Consent Isn’t As Simple As “No Means No”

Guy Talk: Sex
no sex
Men don't want to have sex all the time. Read More »
Straight Guy, Trans Rights
Dan on why a straight guy like him cares about transgender rights. Read More »
Guy Talk: Friendzone
What guys need to know about the friendzone. Read More »

Back in my 20s, I used to party quite a bit, sometimes to ridiculous excess. Drunkenness was rampant, and so were the accompanying shenanigans.

Once, a large group of us took a limo bus downtown for a coworker’s birthday. On the bus was a girl I recognized from work, but had never met. We ended up chatting sporadically throughout the night. But since we were constantly moving around, our exchanges never lasted more than a few minutes at a time.

By the end of the night, she and I were probably the only two people still coherent enough to carry on a conversation. Back at the birthday girl’s apartment, everyone else having either passed out or stumbled home, we found ourselves sitting next to each other on the couch.

There had been a tiny sliver of flirtation between us, but mostly, it had just been idle chatter up to that point. To be honest, I hadn’t noticed any indication that she was the least bit interested in me. Then again, I hadn’t telegraphed any interest in her, either. But that was because I hadn’t been interested in her. Not until that moment, anyway. Keep reading »

An Answer For Fox’s “The Five” Host Bob Beckel: Yes, Rape On College Campuses Happens

After Sexual Assault
woman sad in bed
Tips for reclaiming your sex life after being sexually assaulted. Read More »
What Is Manhood?
Times Of India respect women newspaper ad
Indian newspaper ad implores men to respect women. Read More »
Teach Boys Not To Rape
On Steubenville High School and teaching boys not to rape. Read More »

Nothing gets me up on my soapbox more than comments about rape, especially rape on college campuses. It seems that despite the plethora of statistics laid out plainly in nifty little infographics, the public remains woefully ignorant to the widespread prevalence of sexual assault and rape right here in the U.S. of A. Even scarier is that members of the media with a mass audience espouse this same ignorance.

Take Fox’s “The Five” host Bob Beckel. When discussing Colorado Democrat Joe Salazar’s comments about keeping guns off campus by saying that on-campus call boxes and rape whistles should suffice to protect against rape, Beckel asked, “When was the last time you heard about rape on campus?” Keep reading »

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