Tag Archives: consent

8 Ways To Be Positive You’re Sex Positive

Rachel Rabbit WhiteMay 9, 2012 //
Gray-Sexual
What does it mean to be "gray-sexual?" Read More »
On Slutshaming
It's about controlling women through guilt and shame. Read More »
Anal Sex Fears
These are things that really keep us from having butt sex. Read More »

Here in the land of lady blogs, most of us believe that sex and exploring your sexuality is a great thing. “Sex positive” is the go-to term for this, which is the philosophy that all consensual expressions of sexuality are good and healthy. Sex positivity also includes advocating for sex education and safer sex. Sounds good, right?

But simply labeling yourself “sex-positive” doesn’t necessarily mean you are. After hanging around the sex blogosphere for the last couple of years, I’ve been schooled in the way I think about sex. After the jump, some things to keep in mind if you want to be truly positive you’re sex positive. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Consent Culture

Holly PervocracyMarch 22, 2012 //
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
New "Rape" Definition
A new definition of rape has been approved by the FBI. Read More »
Rape Checklist
rapists photo
A handy checklist of things that cause rape. Read More »
Kinky Sex Tips
Kinky Sex Tips For Curious Vanilla Girls
For vanilla girls who want to try a little kink. 8 Photos »

Today I’m going to fulfill a promise I made quite a while ago, and talk about what a consent culture would look like.

A consent culture is one in which the prevailing narrative of sex — in fact, of human interaction — is centered around mutual consent.  It is a culture with an abhorrence of forcing anyone into anything, a respect for the absolute necessity of bodily autonomy, a culture that believes that a person is always the best judge of their own wants and needs.

I don’t want to limit it to sex.  A consent culture is one in which mutual consent is part of social life as well.  Don’t want to talk to someone? You don’t have to.  Don’t want a hug? That’s okay, no hug then.  Don’t want to try the fish? That’s fine.  (As someone with weird food aversions, I have a special hatred for “just taste a little!”)  Don’t want to be tickled or noogied? Then it’s not funny to chase you down and do it anyway.

The good news is, there are things you can do to bring this about.  Things beyond just “don’t rape people” (although that’s an excellent start). Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Let’s Really Talk About Sex

Julie GillisJanuary 9, 2012 //
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Date Rape PSA
date rape poster
This date rape PSA has been accused of blaming the victim. Read More »
Sex Resolutions
30 things we vow to do -- in bed! -- in 2012! Read More »

Enthusiastic Consent. I’m a fan. For any of you not in the know, Enthusiastic Consent is a way to make sure that yes really means yes and no means no, during sex. It’s an ongoing conversation during sex itself, where partners listen to all manner of cues to make sure that what’s happening is really wanted. Scarleteen has a good definition here. Enthusiastic Consent is a term designed to get people talking to each other about sex so that when the sex happens, everyone is on the same page, happy and in alignment with what’s supposed to happen. Keep reading »

Male Editor Blames Lara Logan’s Boobs For Her Assault, Extols “Conquering An Unwilling Sex Partner”

Jessica WakemanJune 9, 2011 //

An online Philadelphia arts and culture site called Broad Street Review, which reviews local theater and music, isn’t typically a site on The Frisky’s radar. But a victim-blaming, thoroughly sexist “editors notebook” by its editor-in-chief, Dan Rottenberg, is too dumb to let pass without comment. The piece is all over the place, as far as the point it’s trying to make. But for you, Frisky readers, I will try to understand. And the basic thesis that I can glean from it is that Lara Logan, the CBS journalist, once displayed her comely cleavage while posing on a red carpet so, duh, of course she would have been sexually assaulted by a mob of men while reporting in Tahrir Square, Egypt. Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: NYPD “Rape Cop” Jurors Speak Out

Jessica WakemanMay 27, 2011 //

Keep reading »

Two NYPD Officers Acquitted Of Raping Drunk Woman

Jessica WakemanMay 26, 2011 //

Two New York Police Department officers were acquitted by a jury for the alleged rape of a drunk woman inside her Lower East Side apartment. One cop was accused of raping her while his partner napped. The jury found officers Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata guilty of official misconduct for going into the woman’s apartment four times over the course of the night—but not guilty of rape, burglary and falsifying business records.

I don’t even know what to say. Keep reading »

NYC Cop Allegedly Raped Drunk Woman In Her Apartment After 911 Call (While His Partner Napped)

Jessica WakemanApril 6, 2011 //

A bizarre and troubling story out of New York City this week: police officer Kenneth Moreno, 43, is standing trial for the alleged rape of an intoxicated woman whom he and his partner were called to help.

What happened next is beyond f**ked up … and a “Law & Order: SVU” episode just waiting to happen. Keep reading »

Rape Victim Was “Inviting” Sexual Assault With Provocative Dress, Flirting

Jessica WakemanFebruary 25, 2011 //

Watch out, because I am going to throw things. A judge in Manitoba has ruled that a 2006 rape victim who was wearing a tube top, high heels, makeup and no bra was sending “mixed signals” that “sex was in the air” to her rapist, Kenneth Rhodes, who was merely insensitive to the fact the sex near a “darkened highway” was not consensual. “This is a case of misunderstood signals and inconsiderate behavior,” said Queen’s Bench Justice Robert Dewar, who called Rhodes a “clumsy Don Juan.” Keep reading »

Why Do Dudes Like Being Woken Up With A BJ?

Jessica WakemanJanuary 3, 2011 //

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man likes being woken up to a BJ. It’s like friggin’ Christmas morning, any day of the year. But us ladies? Not so much. Feel free to correct me if you feel otherwise, but there’s something creepy and invasive about the idea of waking up with someone’s mouth or sex organ around our lady bits. In fact, if the Wikileaks/Julian Assange nonsense has taught us anything (and please, I hope it has taught us something), it is that initiating sex with a woman while she is asleep is sexual assault. Obviously, if she is asleep, she cannot consent. But beyond the legal definition of sexual assault, a half-awakened lady may not be so willing to receive a special morning “surprise” of something she otherwise normally likes. Speaking strictly for myself, I need to be “warmed up” before a guy goes spelunking down there. Keep reading »

Al Gore Doesn’t Have To Fight To Get Laid, And Other Things You’ll Learn From Gore Defenders

Jessica WakemanJuly 6, 2010 //

Here are four prominent men who have been accused of sexual assault: former vice president Al Gore, filmmaker Roman Polanski, and football players Ben Roethlisberger and Lawrence Taylor. The accusations against each of them are so very different. But they share one commonality: each has received the benefit of the doubt — in some cases, a lot of doubt — that their accuser is a liar.

Keep reading »

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