Tag Archives: consent

The Soapbox: Let’s Get Real When Discussing Complicated Sexual Experiences

The Soapbox: We Can't Limit Our Vocabulary When Discussing Complicated Sexual Experiences

There’s been a lot of talk lately in the media about sexual violence. Late last month, former CBC Broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi was fired amid allegations of sexual assault. A few weeks ago, Shia LaBeouf came forward with claims that he was raped during an art exhibition. And by now everyone’s heard of the sex abuse allegations first brought against Bill Cosby decades ago, which seem to just keep coming.

Then a little over a week ago, Rolling Stone released an editor’s note that undermined their own investigative account of a brutal gang rape that allegedly took place at a fraternity house at the University of Virginia. It was a move that The Frisky’s Beejoli Shah astutely noted as “just another example of shifting the focus away from the real issue at hand: how we talk about rape, and how hard it is for survivors to come forward.”

As a former sex worker turned sex writer I think it’s good that people are talking about sexual health. It’s unfortunate, however, that we don’t know how to talk about complicated sexual experiences without focusing on two words: consent, and rape. In certain circumstances, I wonder if these aren’t the wrong words. Certainly, they shouldn’t be the only ones. Keep reading »

Mommie Dearest: On Lena Dunham & Teaching Children About Boundaries And Consent

Mommie Dearest: On Lena Dunham & Teaching Children About Boundaries And Consent

This post isn’t about Lena Dunham… really. So many others, including The Frisky’s own Amelia, have written about Dunham, her book, and the passages about her sister that have led to claims of molestation. But, I’m writing this because of the conversation that’s currently being had about Lena Dunham, so we can’t not talk about her.

The basics: Lena Dunham wrote a memoir and included bits about her relationship with her younger sister, Grace. Like the time Lena was seven and peered in one-year-old Grace’s vagina. Or the other time when Grace was older and Lena would give her sister candy in exchange for kisses. And then there was the story where Lena encountered masturbating in bed at 17, alongside her sleeping sister. Those bits got a few sites screaming “child molestation!” in Lena’s direction and the entire Internet has since blown up on both sides of it. But is it so crystal clear or black and white? When it comes to kids, sex, and sexuality can’t it be a whole bunch of fuzzy grey? Keep reading »

New Pew Study Shows That Women Are More Likely To Be Sexually Harassed Online

todays lady news
  • A Pew study looks at the differences in online harassment for men and women, and what do ya know, women are more often the target. [Slate]
  • Feminist blogger Lindy West imagines a social network that is specifically feminist and anti-racist. [Daily Dot]
  • Read about racism in the newsroom. [New Republic]
  • A Joan Didion documentary is crowd-funding on Kickstarter! [Kickstarter] Keep reading »

Mindy Kaling Defends Buttsex Episode Of “Mindy Project”: “There Was No Sexual Peril”

In case you missed it, last week’s episode of “The Mindy Project” was all about butt sex. Mindy’s onscreen boyfriend Danny (Chris Messina) wanted to try anal for the first time, attempting the act and claiming “I slipped.” The rest of the episode was dedicated to Mindy trying to determine if his “slip” was intentional, and how to deal with it. While speaking about her show at The New Yorker Festival, Mindy was asked a question about consent by one self proclaimed “hard-core” fan: “Were you at all surprised by any of the negative reactions that you got from some of your biggest supporters, and what was your response to that?” Keep reading »

Why California’s Active Consent Law Is Not An Outrage

California Governor Jerry Brown signed the state’s Active Consent bill yesterday, making it law in California that in order to receive state funding, universities must have policies stating that students must obtain verbal or nonverbal consent before having sex (a lack of objection or resistance does not constitute consent), provide victims’ advocates, teach incoming freshmen about consent during orientation, and not punish victims for underage drinking when they come forward.

I don’t know why there’s a chunk of people who are invested in claiming this is an outrage — OK, I have some ideas, and they mainly have to do with fairly predictable pushback to social change. The bill has had its critics, as has the idea of affirmative or active consent in general. Here’s why this bill (now law!) is by no means an outrage: Keep reading »

Mommie Dearest: Your Kids Need To Know About Consent Long Before They Head To College

MD sexual assault
Teach Boys Not To Rape
On Steubenville High School and teaching boys not to rape. Read More »

Talking about sexual assault is never an easy thing. But as a parent, it’s crucial to find ways to talk to your children about it. Lately, there’s been a lot of attention focused on campus rape and sexual assault, and with good reason. Many colleges have been called out (and even sued) for not taking the right steps in handling sexual assaults that take place on campus, which has sparked the Campus Accountability and Safety Act bipartisan bill that could improve the way colleges deal with sexual violence.

What’s a parent to do? It can be difficult to figure out where to start with all of this, especially in talking about it to our own children. Recently, there have been a few resources that parents may want to look into. In hopes of providing a jumping off point for folks to discuss sexual assault,the White House recently unveiled their It’s On Us campaign, using videos of celebrities taking the pledge to keep women and men safe from sexual assault. The idea sounds really great and revolutionary at first glance — celebs like Jon Hamm, Connie Britton, and Questlove all standing up against sexual assault. The heart of the campaign is in the right place. But the execution leaves a bit to be desired. Keep reading »

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