Tag Archives: confidence

Girl Talk: Lessons In Lingerie

If you could translate my underwear drawer into a pie chart, you’d see one big chunk—some 75 percent — dedicated to basic black bikinis. A small 20 percent would indicate the ratty days-of-the-week skivvies that are verging on seven years old (I know). The remaining sliver would count for the few “sexy” underthings I own—a lacy pink thong, a hot but poorly fitting corset-inspired bra, some sheer boyshorts.

There are certain things I hate to spend money on, and underwear is one of them. In the past, the idea of wearing seductive undergarments had always been appealing, but when I really thought about it, lingerie seemed problematic. First of all, I’d need someone to wear it for, because that ladymag tip of “wearing sexy underwear for yourself” has never done anything for me. Also, was it worth it to drop the money? Assuming I had someone who would appreciate it, wouldn’t it just come off right away, or remain completely covered for most of its time out of the drawer? Keep reading »

What’s One Thing You Want To Learn To Love About Yourself?

We all have those things about ourselves that we have trouble accepting, like, uh, our ugly feet or the fact that we always interrupt people when we get excited about something. I would know nothing about that. Really. In honor of Love Yourself Week here at The Frisky, I’ve decided to make peace with something about myself that I have the most trouble accepting — my sensitivity. I do lots of things to hide/conceal/balance my intense emotions. And it’s exhausting. Instead of thinking of my sensitivity as a weakness, I would like to embrace it. And now it’s everyone else’s turn. After the jump, some Frisky staffers share the thing they want to learn to love about themselves. Share yours in the comments. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m An Ugly Beast”

A few days ago, The Frisky posted a link to an advice column where a man had written in to say he was very ugly — a beast. The thing is, I’m a female beast. So what would your advice be to a female in this situation, since men are not known for looking past a woman’s appearance. I’m a woman who is just plain ugly — no genetic disorders, just ugly. The thing is, I try. I clean up, I dress nicely, but I’m not pretty, not attractive in any way shape or form, and I have never once been approached in a bar or at a party, or asked on a date by a colleague or friend, no matter how sparkling and charming and witty I might be. And I put myself out there — I talk, I flirt. It’s very easy to say “oh it’s your manner” or “if you met the right guy…” when you fall into the “normal to pretty” category, but I’m not in that category, I’m just not. And I don’t have Body Dysmorphic Disorder or anything like that; I’m being honest and realistic. So, how am I supposed to keep looking, keep trying when all I have faced is rejection? How do I not give up? — A Female Beast

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30 Things I Do Well

For “Love Yourself Week,” I’m doing things a little different than some of the other Frisky staffers and instead of writing a list of 30 things I love about myself, I’ve got a little list of 30 things I do well. Some of these 30 things that I do well I love about myself and some … well, some I don’t. After the jump, can you tell which is which? Keep reading »

Girl Talk: How Joan Holloway Gives Me Confidence

In honor of the season four premiere of “Mad Men” on Sunday, July 25th at 10/9 Central on AMC, this weekend The Frisky is re-posting a few of our favorite “Mad Men”-inspired essays.

As a redhead, I’ve often been told I resemble, well, anyone else who also happens to have red — or even reddish — hair. When I had a pixie cut, people told me all the time I looked like a young Mia Farrow from “Rosemary’s Baby,” and before that, when my hair was longer, I always got compared to Lauren Ambrose from “Six Feet Under.” About two years ago people started telling me I looked like a character on a new series called “Mad Men.” I’d never seen the show, but a friend soon emailed me a picture of Joan Holloway and wrote “Your doppelganger!” in the subject line. I had to admit — we did kind of look a little alike. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I Got Hot And My Boyfriend Isn’t Happy About It”

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under two years. About eight months ago, I’d gained some weight, so I decided to get off my butt and start getting back into shape. Before, my boyfriend and I were both cute but decidedly chubby. Since then, I’ve lost about 30 lbs, my awkward hair grew out, and my skin has cleared up. I’ve always been very busty and didn’t lose any of it, and through sheer luck, I ended up with a “Joan Holloway”-type figure. For the first time in my life, I feel really confident and love my body, and it’s the first time I fit what’s considered attractive by society. My boyfriend, though, has become very insecure. He’s just as sexy and wonderful as the day I met him, but he seems to be obsessed with the thought of me leaving him for someone “hotter.” He constantly worries that people wonder why I’m with him. On top of that, I’ve started getting a lot of unsolicited male attention — not just the typical cat callers, but being checked out, smiled/waved at, etc, which makes my boyfriend sad and mopey. He worries about how visible my cleavage is, and discouraged me from buying a bikini, even though it was a modest vintage style one. Normally, this kind of behavior would earn him a breakup, but he’s never shown any questionable behavior in the past, and our sex life is as awesome as ever. Should I chalk it up to insecurity and give him a chance to get over it, while encouraging him and reminding him how much I want to be with him, or is this a dealbreaker? — Hotter Now

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s Friends Hate Me”

My boyfriend’s friends hate me! I went out of my way to be nice to them, enjoy the things they enjoy, and participate in their weekend activities, but they still hate me.They don’t want me around, they say some pretty nasty things behind my back (and to my face), and they make it very clear that they don’t want me dating my guy (we’ve been dating for one year). I’m perfectly fine not going to the bar or going to play pool with them; I have my own friends, but even with me not around this is taking a toll on my boyfriend’s relationship with them. Not only that, but it’s taking a toll on our relationship as well. I don’t care if they like me, but my boyfriend cares if they like him. What would be best in a situation like this? Ignore it and hope it will go away, or try to talk it out? I should add that this isn’t the most mature or rational group of people. — Under Friendly Fire

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Girl Talk: How A Breakup Boosted My Confidence

Monday was my birthday. I turned 28. That would have sounded old to me when I was in college or even as recently as when I was 26. Today, it sounds perfect—young, in fact, and exactly where I want to be. During lunch on my birthday, I took a walk near Central Park and got to thinking about how much my outlook has changed and the route that got me here.

Two years ago this June, my whole world turned upside down. During the course of a few weeks, my boyfriend of over three years broke up with me, I had to find a new apartment (a result of the breakup), and I started my first full-time job in New York City. Since I’d allowed my world to revolve around him, I had very few friends in the city. The friends I did have were so amazing that it still makes me cry in gratitude; nonetheless, this was a breakup of ugly proportions—one that involved a lease, money, each other’s families and the kind of shattered expectations that led to deep bouts of pessimism, sadness, fear and nostalgia. Keep reading »

The 8 Most Empowering Experiences Of My Life

The other day, Wendy wrote a list of the different things that make a woman feel beautiful, outside of hearing the words from a man. I noticed that many of the items on the list were experiences — successfully cooking a great recipe, doing yoga, etc. — and it got me thinking about some of the experiences I’ve had in my life that not only made me feel beautiful, but also empowered. These are the eight most empowering experiences of my life — tell me yours in the comments! Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Boys Like Bald Girls

When I was 21 I was diagnosed with cancer. It really sucked – and not just because of the whole “life-threatening disease” thing. My prognosis was good, as my doctors had caught it early and the type I had was considered extremely treatable. The worst part about cancer was the wrench it threw in my plans. At the time of my diagnosis, I had just started an amazing internship where I was required to work anywhere between 40 and 60 hours a week. My 22nd birthday was three weeks away. Summer had just started and I’d had big plans to work hard all day and play hard at night. In short, multiple surgeries and months of hospital visits was not what I had in mind. In the end, though, cancer might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. Keep reading »

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