Tag Archives: confidence

Girl Talk: How I Finally Stopped Comparing Myself To My Ex

For years after my ex and I broke up, I used to like to play this game where I’d compare myself to him. This was not a fun game. He had just written a bestselling novel, was living with his girlfriend, and bought a house. I felt like he had really “made it” in every way that mattered – career, relationship, and home. But after all this time I was still struggling and still single. Failing, it felt like. A failure. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Ask Me Out On A Damn Date

Hello there. You. Yes, you! I have something I would like to talk to you about.

It’s come up a couple of times recently and it’s gotten so irritating that I finally have to say something about it. I’m pretty sure you’re not even aware of what you’re doing or why it bothers me. So here it goes.

I would like you to ask me out on a freaking date. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: No More Looking For Love In Just Anyone

“These are the things I’m addicted to: bronzer, boys, and alcohol.”

That’s a quote from Snooki of “Jersey Shore” fame, but it could just as easily be something I said. Last night’s episode actually, gulp, struck a cord with me. In Snooki, I saw myself. A shorter, drunker, less well-read version of myself, but still. Snooki, like me, is searching for love and sometimes drinks to excess to mask the insecurities she has about not finding it. Keep reading »

Sex Or Self-Esteem?

Look, college kids don’t want your sex or your junk food — they just want some love. A new paper from researchers at Ohio State University found that college students prefer an ego boost to sex. Sex? Really? When given the choice between a self-esteem boosting activity (like getting a compliment) or “receiving a paycheck, seeing a best friend and drinking alcohol, in addition to eating a favorite food, [and] engaging in a favorite sexual activity,” most chose self-esteem. Part of why self-esteem may be so desired: drugs, alcohol and sex are readily available on college campuses, but self-esteem is one of those intangibles that is a bit harder for kids to grasp.

It’s interesting research, especially given how today’s college generation is touted as being more self-absorbed than previous generations. What do you think? Would you pick a compliment over sex? [NY Times] Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Am Going On A Sex/Dating/Drinking Sabbatical

After much thought and Advil, I have decided I am going on a sex/dating and drinking sabbatical. I went on a six-month sex sabbatical after my breakup from my fiance a few years ago — or, rather, I announced I was going on a six-month sex sabbatical and then it lasted for, I think, around two. It wasn’t a complete failure, in other words. Hilariously, I went on a sex sabbatical because all of my efforts to get laid were being thwarted and I figured I might as well decide to NOT have sex with a purpose.

Meanwhile, I have never taken a significant break from drinking. I didn’t start drinking until I was in college — I believe most people start in high school, so I was a late bloomer in more ways than one — and I remember the night I got drunk the first time as well as you can possibly remember a hazy night 13 years ago. The amount and frequency of my drinking has gone up and down over the years, but I generally consider myself to be a responsible boozer. I don’t drink and drive (easy when you don’t have a car!), I don’t say things I don’t mean, and, for the most part, I don’t do things I actually regret. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Low Confidence” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Low Confidence” who had just started online dating after getting her weight under control. With very minimal dating experience at all, she got a little freaked out when her first potential online match flaked and disappeared after she asked him out. “I was really starting to like the guy, as much as you can like someone you’ve never met, so it’s a bit disappointing that when I finally thought I might get to meet a nice guy, it doesn’t seem to have worked out. I decided to get back on the horse and have begun communication with two other guys, but I’m worried the same thing will happen again.” After the jump, find out if she indeed got back on the horse and how things are going for her today. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Falling In Love After Losing 100+ Pounds

In my early 20s, I wore size 24 jeans and my enormous boobs demanded an H-cup bra, a letter no woman should have to associate with lingerie sizing. I couldn’t fit into restaurant booths or through the subway turnstile. I even once held up an entire roller coaster ride at Six Flags so I could get back onto the platform when the seat belt wouldn’t buckle around me — a character-building experience to say the least. I’d dropped out of college, didn’t have any job prospects and I was in a serious romantic relationship with a man who was actually gay (and a little nuts). It was a dark, lonely time in my life mired in lots of bong-hitting and double-cheeseburgering.

After surprising myself by punching said gay boyfriend in the mouth one night during a screaming match (to which he responded by pulling my hair for 20 minutes – so gay!), I met my own ugly rock bottom. What came next was a brief stint as a homeless, fat girl living out of her Honda. There was, as they say, nowhere else to go but up. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m So Envious Of My BFF”

My roommate is awesome and one of my best friends. Whenever I need to talk to someone I go to her and vice versa. The only problem is, and I feel like a petty bitch for admitting this, all the guys want her. I can’t blame them because I love hanging out with her and she’s gorgeous. I know I’m not ugly and I make friends easily, but I can’t compete with her when it comes to guys. Whenever I am interested in a guy, he’s interested in her. She would never pursue anyone she thought I was into, but what’s the point if they are just into her anyways? The self-hatred becomes even stronger because of how jealous and resentful I get when it’s not even her fault. I am so afraid that one day I will just blow up at her and end up hating her. I tried talking to her about it once, but it just made her feel bad and then mad at me because she thinks I’m too hard on myself. I guess I am asking you how do I stop feeling jealous and resentful? How do I become OK with knowing that every time we go out the guys will want to talk to her and not me? I just want to hang out with my best friend and be happy. — Cute, But Note Cute Enough

Keep reading »

30 Things I Do Well

I was ahead of the curve and posted the 30 things I love about myself months before “Love Yourself Week,” so I’ve decided to celebrate the week (and myself) by taking a cue from Wendy. Here are the 30 things I do well — some I’m proud of, others not so much. Keep reading »

First Time For Everything: Buying A Sex Toy

Here at The Frisky, we have been getting all touchy-feely with our emotions for “Love Yourself Week.” But what about the more literal and physical side of the phrase “touchy-feely”? You know, the more hands-on approach to self-love. Masturbation, to be blunt. This little act is, uh, an important part of learning to love yourself. Up until yesterday, I have always taken a manual approach to masturbation and my fingers have suited me just fine. But I couldn’t help but think I was missing out on something by being sans sex toys. So I decided to be a big girl and set out to buy my very first vibrator. Keep reading »

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