Tag Archives: condoms

With Royal Wedding Condoms, British Taxpayers Won’t Be The Only Ones Getting Screwed!

Royal wedding memorabilia has reached a new level of tastelessness: Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction is selling Prince William and Kate Middleton-themed condoms! Instructing randy Brits to “lie back and think of England” because “like a royal wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion,” the condoms are sold in royal purple packages with a picture of the happy couple on the front. But some folks are not amused. “This is completely tasteless and rather hurtful,” Ingrid Deward, editor of Majesty magazine, told Orange News. “Prince William has a great sense of humor but this is a step too far.” Alas, Crown Jewels warns customers their condoms are only “heirloom products” and do not actually protect you against pregnancy or STDs. Maybe you could hang them on the wall next to your royal wedding heirloom plate that says “It should have been me!” [Orange] Keep reading »

“Jersey Shore” Words Of Wisdom: “Mind Condom”

Maybe it’s because I’ve come to expect little more than fist fights, hot tub hookups and peeing in public, but lately, approximately once an episode, I’ve noticed some serious words of wisdom coming from the mouths of the cast members of “Jersey Shore.” Last week, I was impressed by Deena‘s coinage of the phrase “female backpack.” This week it’s—and I can’t believe that I’m actually saying this—Ronnie who gave me something to think about. During a fight with Sammi he yelled, “I need a mind condom because you are mentally f**king me.”

Yeah. Let’s all take a moment to let Ronnie’s words sink in. Keep reading »

Ke$ha Says She Was A Sexpert In Elementary School

“I knew everything about sex before I was even seven. My mom left me at home when I was 14 with a credit card, and a box of condoms and the keys to the car and said, ‘Don’t get pregnant and don’t drink and drive.’ I had to be responsible for myself.”

Ke$ha explains to The Times of London why being sexually provocative is easy for her. I dunno—I’m skeptical here. I’ll let the condoms and credit card slide, but didn’t her mom get the memo that the driving age is 16? [Huffington Post] Keep reading »

8 Condom Commandments

Imagine this: You’re a young, single woman out in the jungle that is the urban dating world. One fine night, you meet a good-looking guy at a holiday party. “Hello,” he says, as you push your way through the crowd toward the makeshift bar. “Do I know you?” you ask. “No, but I’d like to get you another drink,” he offers. You are charmed. “Of course — but be careful. They’re pouring heavy tonight,” you warn. He laughs. Before long, you and the young man are conversing while throwing back stiff vodka tonics. Soon, you are making out. Why not, right? He invites you home with him. You agree. You are pleasantly surprised when you arrive at his swanky, apartment, and it’s clean! Before long, you’re both naked. Then, he utters some alarming words. “Do you have a condom?” he asks. “Um … Not on me. Don’t you have one?” you ask. “Can we skip the condom? I prefer sex without a condom. I have great self-control,” he explains. Keep reading »

What You Need: Over-Priced Condoms

Sir Richard’s Condom Company. It sounds fancy, doesn’t it? If you’re tired of sneaking around drug stores late at night to buy condoms, there’s a new company that makes picking up prophylactics not only chic, but economically sound. Now, these condoms don’t come cheap. They’re $14 for a pack of 12. But for every condom the company sells, they’ll donate a condom to a country in need (in other words, in a part of the world where safe sex practices do not abound). Their slogan: “Doing good never felt better.” Ha! The packaging is chic, and they can be found everywhere from Whole Foods to Fred Segal. Their latest ad campaign points out that spending money on condoms today will save you big bucks later if you’re not looking to procreate, buy a minivan, and start saving for your kid’s college tuition. [Brand Freak] Keep reading »

Pope Says Condom Use “Justified” For Male Prostitutes, I’m Not Impressed

Hey, great news, male prostitutes with HIV/AIDS! The Pope has given you his blessing to use condoms! In the upcoming book Light of the World: The Pope, the Church and the Signs of the Times, Pope Benedict XVI concedes that in very rare cases, condom use could be considered justified to help stop the spread of AIDS. The example he specifically uses is for that of male prostitutes, for whom condom use “can be a first in the direction of moralization a first assumption of responsibility.” When the media was quick to jump all over this statement as a reversal of the Catholics Church’s long-standing policy banning contraceptives, the Church was quick to clarify that the Pope’s statement was no such thing. Because, I mean, let’s face it, the Catholic Church certainly doesn’t believe male prostitutes (with AIDS!) are getting into heaven anyway. Keep reading »

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