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20 Famous Folks You Can Have Sex With Tonight (Thanks To These Celebrity-Branded Condoms)

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Is “have sex with a celebrity” on your bucket list? Here’s an easy — albeit it cheating — way to achieve that goal: bone a commoner with a celebrity-branded condom! Strangely, there are oh-so-many to choose from. The latest to join endorse wrapping it up with a jimmy hat? The band KISS! Get down safely using the protection of Gene Simmons’ unfurling tongue. Sexy? [The Mary Sue]

If aging rock stars are more of a turn-off than a turn-on for you, don’t fret. As I mentioned, there are many,many celebs who’ve had their famous mugs put on condom packaging. Keep clicking to check out what other celebs you can have safe sex with, thanks to these celebrity-branded rubbers.

Get Yer Ke$ha Condoms

“If you come to a live show, it’s a sensory assault. You will leave covered in sweat, beer, glitter, and, just maybe, you’ll get a special edition Ke$ha condom. If it breaks, you have to name your daughter or son after me.”

Ke$ha tells the BBC that at upcoming concerts, 10,000 specialty Ke$ha condoms will be fired out of cannon at the audience. The condoms are made by Lifestyles and have the word “cannibal” printed on the wrapper. I think we know who to blame if ‘Ke$ha’ shoots to the top of the most popular baby name list in 2011. Oh, and if Aquafresh starts making a whiskey flavored toothpaste in Ke$ha’s honor, I am outta here. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »

With Royal Wedding Condoms, British Taxpayers Won’t Be The Only Ones Getting Screwed!

Royal wedding memorabilia has reached a new level of tastelessness: Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction is selling Prince William and Kate Middleton-themed condoms! Instructing randy Brits to “lie back and think of England” because “like a royal wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion,” the condoms are sold in royal purple packages with a picture of the happy couple on the front. But some folks are not amused. “This is completely tasteless and rather hurtful,” Ingrid Deward, editor of Majesty magazine, told Orange News. “Prince William has a great sense of humor but this is a step too far.” Alas, Crown Jewels warns customers their condoms are only “heirloom products” and do not actually protect you against pregnancy or STDs. Maybe you could hang them on the wall next to your royal wedding heirloom plate that says “It should have been me!” [Orange] Keep reading »

“Jersey Shore” Words Of Wisdom: “Mind Condom”

Maybe it’s because I’ve come to expect little more than fist fights, hot tub hookups and peeing in public, but lately, approximately once an episode, I’ve noticed some serious words of wisdom coming from the mouths of the cast members of “Jersey Shore.” Last week, I was impressed by Deena‘s coinage of the phrase “female backpack.” This week it’s—and I can’t believe that I’m actually saying this—Ronnie who gave me something to think about. During a fight with Sammi he yelled, “I need a mind condom because you are mentally f**king me.”

Yeah. Let’s all take a moment to let Ronnie’s words sink in. Keep reading »

Ke$ha Says She Was A Sexpert In Elementary School

“I knew everything about sex before I was even seven. My mom left me at home when I was 14 with a credit card, and a box of condoms and the keys to the car and said, ‘Don’t get pregnant and don’t drink and drive.’ I had to be responsible for myself.”

Ke$ha explains to The Times of London why being sexually provocative is easy for her. I dunno—I’m skeptical here. I’ll let the condoms and credit card slide, but didn’t her mom get the memo that the driving age is 16? [Huffington Post] Keep reading »

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