About two months ago, I left my 39-year-old live-in boyfriend of three and half years. When I left, I was pissed and hurt that, for four months, I spent all my spare time helping him get ready to open his bar, and then, once it opened, he was out at all hours, drinking, hanging with customers and not letting me know when he’d be home or what his plans were. I am 31 and we both want to have kids soon (marriage isn’t an issue) and this behavior had been going on for three months when I left. I understood that the bar-ownership meant late nights, but I wasn’t OK with him coming home at 4 AM half-drunk every morning without so much as a text the night before. Anyway, the night I left, I told him why I was leaving and asked him to give me some time. I came back 5 days later having made the decision to work things out. But three weeks later, I found out he had sex with some bar chick on the floor of the bar office THE NIGHT I left. Now, I understand that I left and (in his mind, anyway) he had free reign; I can get over the fact that he f**ked some other girl. What I can’t get over is that he didn’t use a condom, didn’t tell me and then had sex with me after I came back. I have gotten the full battery of tests and I’m negative, but that’s not the point. My issue is that he deceived me in such way that it put my health at risk. We’re still together two months after the fact. But … am I crazy for not being out of my mind with anger that he screwed some random chick after I left? Am I crazier that my real issue is that he put my health at risk? How do you rebuild trust after something like this? — Illogical Scientist
