I am a woman 33 years of age who practices safe sex. But it wasn’t always that way. As a woman of 19, 20 and 21, I was in no uncertain terms an idiot where safe sex was concerned. Sometimes I forced a guy to wear a condom, sometimes I didn’t.
But that all changed when I hit 22.For it was at this stage that I that I met a man in a bar, went home with him, had sex with him. And not just any man. This man was drummed up in a dive bar. He was covered in tattoos, and I’m quite sure his continued trips to the bathroom were cocaine-related. When we got back to his place I quickly discovered that he owned a pet iguana, a leathery little thing named Juan who he allowed to roam free around his East Village bedroom. I had condom-less sex with this gentleman, and spent the whole of the next day convinced his myriad STIs were coursing through my system.
Now: I know you can’t judge a book by its cover. I know that just because a man is covered in tattoos and owns a pet iguana and has a whiff of the cocaine addict about him, that doesn’t mean that he’s got chlamydia. BUT … Keep reading »
This weekend, the worst thing ever happened. And by the worst thing ever, I mean a used condom landed on top of my cell phone.
O’Boyfriend and I were, uhhhh, using a condom. And then we were done using the condom. And then because I didn’t want it or its contents spilling on my bedsheets, I suggested he throw it in the wastepaper basket. So LeBron James over here tossed it in the direction of the trash … and it landed on top of my iPhone. Keep reading »
I always laughed when, in middle school, my friends worried about getting tampons stuck inside of them. I was the first to brush off any fear that anything could actually get stuck inside your vagina. I mean, how could you not know if something is up in there? However, I have been converted – a vagina can be a cavernous hiding spot for all sorts of paraphernalia. Somehow, unbeknownst to me, I once got a condom lost inside my vagina for days. Yes, days. Keep reading »
Target market: Men who come early. This Turkish Durex condom ad is especially for the one-and-a-half pump chumps of the world. That was said with total compassion, by the way. Everybody gets a little overexcited sometimes. I wonder what the “delaying effect” is … A numbing lubricant? Or maybe the condoms are so thick that the man can’t feel anything. [Buzzfeed]
It doesn’t matter how charming he is. It doesn’t matter how sexy he is. Your health is still the number one priority. If you are prepared when he bats his eyelashes and runs his very sexy hand up your thigh, you will stay in control of both your safety and your pleasure. Here are the top five excuses men use to attempt to wiggle out of wearing a condom and the responses you need to stay safe.
Excuse #1: Birth control is the woman’s responsibility. Sadly this is not a new argument. Ancient Egyptian, Greek and Roman cultures all thought the same thing, and that is why you won’t see many references to condoms in their ancient literature. In fact, the only references to “male birth control” you may find in their writings refer only to “coitus interruptus”—that’s the “pull-out” method, by the way —and anal sex. Puh-lease! Read more…
I still get a little flustered when I have to walk up to some random checkout counter and whisper, “Hey, can I have those Trojans? (even more hushed) Yes. The Magnums, please.” I accept the fact that it is a little childish of me, but so what? I believe a girl is entitled to discretion. Luckily I stumbled upon a website where I can have all of my sexytimes needs delivered right to my door. LuckyBloke.com is a service where you can create your own personalized condom collection for monthly delivery. Brands include Durex, Trojan, Glyde, Billy Boy, Kimono and RFSU and come in an assortment of colors, flavors, and styles. Plus, different lubes include organic, silicone or water-based ones. The best part? Shipping is free and 10 percent of sales go to charities that support urgent humanitarian causes like UNICEF and It Gets Better Project. Who knew that just by shopping for my condoms online (without shame), I could be doing an incredible service to the world? [Prices Vary, LuckyBloke.com]
You know, just a couple of bros, talkin’ about always wearing a rubber. How old is Zac Efron? Is my crush on him inappropriate? Please advise.
Somewhere, last night, a young man stood in his apartment wearing nothing but a condom. He stretched his arms out, closed his eyes, and whispered “if I wear it, they will come. THEN COME AND COME AGAIN.”
The condom was one of dozens he keeps strategically hidden throughout his apartment. He keeps a pile in his nightstand drawer, another pile in the bathroom, another 20 or so are tucked in between couch cushions, books on the bookshelf, and in the cupboard, hidden behind jars of peanut butter.
He considered, briefly, wearing a long string of connected condoms like a bandolier. Keep reading »