I am fan of GOOD’s dating dealbreaker series (eerily similar to ours, but whatever) because I think it does a good job of looking back on past failed relationships and identifying the reason(s) things just didn’t work out. Sometimes these dealbreakers can seem insignificant on the surface, but actual indicate a larger problem; other times these dealbreakers are glaringly obvious compatibility flaws. Even if the specific story does not resonate with readers, the larger problems are often relatable. GOOD writer Melissa Jeltsen’s dealbreaker, according to the headline on her piece? “He Didn’t Go To College.” This made her an “obnoxious, pseudo intellectual elitist” in the words of Feministe writer Caperton.
I found Jeltsen’s story about breaking up with someone because he was not her intellectual equal to be nuanced, compelling, thoughtful, and self-reflective. Feministe’s takedown, on the other hand, while raising one or two decent points, was disproportionately nasty in tone. Yes, the title of her piece was somewhat simplistic, but it was eye-catching and likely written by her editor, as most headlines are. However, Jeltsen’s piece was about more than just breaking up with her boyfriend because he didn’t go to college. She writes that despite having a “deep and easy” connection with Duke, the boyfriend in question, she was not intellectually stimulated by him. Keep reading »
Good news for those of you who are bending over backwards to figure out how to attract your dream guy/girl. As it turns out, the equation is very simple. Pretty much everyone — guys and girls, gay and straight, young and old — is looking for the same ten things in a partner.
No one in their right mind really expects to find a partner who excels in every single one of these areas. After all, if you’re already perfect, what do you need a relationship for anyway.
Identifying which of these areas you may be lacking in and beginning to work on them, will not only improve your chances of finding someone, but it will make you happier with yourself. Keep reading »
I met Omar* at a New Year’s Eve party shortly after graduating college. He was 6’2″ and built with dark brown eyes and black wavy hair that fell below his ears. I was a 5’2″ chubby bookworm who had recently lost her virginity and was tired of being single and inexperienced.
We hit it off immediately because of our love for going out dancing and the exact same taste in TV shows. Fueled by alcohol and a newfound sense of adventure, I jumped into bed with him that night. The next day, after talking for 12 hours straight, he told me that he wanted to be together. I thought, Okay, maybe this guy can be my Starter Boyfriend. Keep reading »
“It’s really awesome for me that you’re not obsessed with showering every day,” my new boyfriend remarked recently. I looked at him somewhat surprised. “Well, then I don’t have to either,” he explained.
See, I’m a “shower every other day” kind of girl, with the occasional whore’s bath thrown in when necessary. It’s not something I’ve typically advertised to the men I’ve dated over the last few years and I doubt they’ve noticed since I’ve taken care to groom before dates and whatnot. But with M. living out of town and coming to visit for days at a time, our mutual grooming habits have been obvious and, it seems, in sync. Keep reading »
See! Words really are the key to our hearts! I have always known this of course, but science finally got the memo. A new study suggests that a crucial determinant of compatibility in love is finding someone who talks just like you. Matching use of personal pronouns, articles, prepositions, and adverbs likely gets the chemistry flowing between two people. In fact, we are four times as likely to go on a date with someone who has a slightly above average language match to our own. Language also predicts how long we’ll stay together. Researchers found that couples who text or IM using similar language patterns were 50 percent more likely to keep dating than those who didn’t. I believe this is referred to as “good communication.” What a concept. Next time I go on a date, I’m gonna try repeating everything the guy says and see if he falls madly in love with me and my 100 percent language match. Just kidding, but that would be kind of an entertaining experiment, although he’ll probably think I belong in a psych ward. [USA Today] Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in two sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss when a couple is only compatible in bed, when to tell a new significant other you’re against premarital sex, and how to find out if your casual dating partner wants more. Keep reading »
Consider the following: you’ve started dating a new guy, and things have progressed to the point where you’re beginning to have sleepovers. Naturally, one of two things happens then. You can either sleep or you can’t.
So, do you believe that how you sleep with (and real sleep, not sexytimes) a new boyfriend is an indicator of compatibility and long-term potential? Is it good if you can sleep like logs together on your first night? Does restless slumber mean you’re uncomfortable? Or does no sleep, because you can’t keep your hands off each and he’s occupying lovely thoughts in your head, point to passion? (Although, we imagine, this could lead to burnout.)
Do you have beliefs about bedtime compatibility? Duke it out in the comments below. Keep reading »