Tag Archives: commitment

Lamar Odom Demystifies Male Commitment Phobia

“Men, most of the time our goal is to have what we want when it comes to women … Most men like more than one woman. A lot of them would not want to admit that because that might not be cool, right? Most people don’t want to get married. Being married, that’s a responsibility. I always used to tell that to women. I don’t want a girlfriend because that means I’ve got a responsibility. I have a responsibility to call you. I have a responsibility not to be with another woman. I have a responsibility to be there on time when you need me. With her I was like, If I do what I normally do, I’m going to lose her. And if I lose her, I think it’s going to hurt a lot. Right then and there I knew. We were together every day.”

Lamar Odom in Playboy on how he knew Khloe Kardashian was the lady he wanted to commit to. This makes more sense to me than most explanations men have given in the past about why commitment is so difficult for them. I think perhaps men look at responsibility in a more black and white way than women do. Part of being a woman, for me, is being accustomed to juggling my responsibilities and knowing that they change and evolve as I do. I don’t see having another person in my life as a responsibility, I see it as a gift. And I don’t need to be threatened with losing someone to realize it. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Abandoned Me. Should I Move On?

I’m 31 and had been in a very loving, fun, and supportive relationship with my guy for almost two years and living together for a little over a year. He started talking about marriage and getting engaged about a year into our relationship, and I was so excited at the prospect of being his partner for life. But months passed by, and it became clear that he was homesick for his family. Even though they’re only a two-hour plane ride away, he had been depressed for the last six months about being away from home, and told me that if we married, it would mean he was choosing to never live in the same town as his family again. I told him I’d be happy as long as we were together, but he kept saying “I don’t think you’ll be happy there.” About a week ago when I came home from work, I found that he had moved out of the apartment we shared and had driven back to his home town to be with his family, and merely left a note! What kind of person does that sort of thing? To make matters worse, he called me once he arrived at his hometown and said (while sobbing uncontrollably) he wasn’t ready to break up and wanted a month to think about things. Part of me loves him so much that I want to give him the time he asked for. The rational side of me says, “This jerk abandoned you. Even if he wanted to work things out, are you really going to let him do this to you again?” I’m so torn. Should I just end it now and move on? — Shocked and Awed

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Dear Wendy: “Is My Boyfriend Being Disloyal?”

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and we are deeply in love, but our relationship is far from perfect. He cheated on his ex to be with me and since then I have had trust issues which I am trying to work through. The problem is, my boyfriend has been invited to his ex’s friend’s 21st birthday party and I, on account of being the homewrecker, am not invited. My relationship with the party host is civil; she dated one of our friends and we see her occasionally at events. My issue is that, as a sign of loyalty, I think my boyfriend should not go to this event that I am actively being excluded from. I fear that he hasn’t made much of an effort to ask the host if I can attend, and my suspicion is that he really wants to go to see his ex and scope out her new boyfriend. I can’t see any other reason for him wanting to go because he’s not close with the host and knows next to no one going. I’m not afraid of him cheating on me because I know he is as devoted to me as I am to him; I’m just uncomfortable about the whole situation and wish he could see it from my point of view. He tells me he sees it as just another party but to me it is so much more. Am I overreacting? — The “Homewrecker”

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Mind Of Man: How He Knows He’s In A Relationship

When a man gets into a relationship, he’s usually the last to know.

Women fall in love, men slip on it. Women gently twirl down the rabbit hole of love like whirligigs, landing on their feet in a land of wonder. But for men, love is a sudden minor concussion. One moment, we’re strolling down the street like a Pharoah in no hurry, snapping our fingers, whistling a jaunty tune. Maybe we’re leaving the apartment of a recent conquest early in the morning. Women call this the “Walk of Shame.” But to the male species, it’s called the “I Just Got Laid Parade.” Or maybe we’re just walking over to the beer store, smugly satisfied with ourselves for not immediately texting some chick back. Because no one owns the male spirit – it’s like a bacon-scented wind. We’re wild game you can’t tame, oh yeah. Then an ambush of unwanted emotions happens. Love is a banana peel. We wake up on our backs with a throbbing skull, swatting away clouds of mosquito-sized hearts buzzing around.

At least women look before they leap. Keep reading »

I Was Engaged To A Man With Commitment Phobia

When I met the cute blue-eyed surfer who lived in my apartment building—we’ll call him Max—we clicked immediately. I’m a workaholic by nature, but I set aside my writing while he and I stayed up until dawn in fits of side-splitting giggles, thumbing through photo albums, playing music and talking—about everything. Politics, religion, sex—nothing was off limits. He even told me about his ex-girlfriend. She was eight years his senior and ready for marriage and a family. At 25, he wasn’t.
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Girl Talk: Should You Mercy-Kill A Dead-End Relationship?

Bad Band. Jew Joker. Sandwich. The Brute. AwwMike. Babycheese. My laundry list of discarded loves reads like a storyboard of comic book villains, each nickname a clue as to their respective fatal flaws. Anyone who knows me well knows I have a history of dating men who are wildly inappropriate for me. It’s been a quirk I myself was willing to accept, further proof of my fun-loving, devil-may-care spirit (this despite the days and weeks of sobbing and agonizing over wholly ridiculous relationships when they inevitably ended). Keep reading »

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