Tag Archives: commitment

What Does It Mean For A Relationship To “Work”?

My Tuesday evening ritual consists of the following: an hour and a half of yoga and meditation, followed by a hot bubble bath, in which I either drink a glass of wine or eat a Haagen-Daz Coffee Crunch ice cream bar, while wearing a mud mask and lisening to Dan Savage‘s Savage Love podcast. I highly recommend this entire evening routine. It makes the following day, Hump Day, that much easier. Keep reading »

10 Things You Lose When You Commit

Commitment seems like a great idea. You make your relationship more official and share your life with someone who’s not going to leave by the time morning arrives. But with any big idea, there are pros and cons attached to it. With commitment comes benefits, yes, but there’re also risks. It’ll do you good to think of what you stand to lose before you take the leap.

Here’s our Top 10 things that are likely to get tossed on the fire when you commit. Read more… Keep reading »

Is Monogamy On Its Way Out For Young Couples?

I’ve questioned monogamy for quite a while now, but a new study shows that young people are seriously confused by it. Researchers studied more than 400 married and unmarried couples ages 18 to 25 and found that 40 percent of them disagreed about whether or not they were exclusive with their partners — even if they had supposedly agreed. Of the 60 percent of couples who agreed they were on the same page about their exclusivity, 30 percent admitted to cheating. That means that only about 30 percent of young couples are actually practicing monogamy. Married couples were more likely to be exclusive, while couples with children were less likely. The stats speak for themselves. Time to reevaluate our idea of monogamy? I think so. [Live Science] Keep reading »

Lamar Odom Demystifies Male Commitment Phobia

“Men, most of the time our goal is to have what we want when it comes to women … Most men like more than one woman. A lot of them would not want to admit that because that might not be cool, right? Most people don’t want to get married. Being married, that’s a responsibility. I always used to tell that to women. I don’t want a girlfriend because that means I’ve got a responsibility. I have a responsibility to call you. I have a responsibility not to be with another woman. I have a responsibility to be there on time when you need me. With her I was like, If I do what I normally do, I’m going to lose her. And if I lose her, I think it’s going to hurt a lot. Right then and there I knew. We were together every day.”

Lamar Odom in Playboy on how he knew Khloe Kardashian was the lady he wanted to commit to. This makes more sense to me than most explanations men have given in the past about why commitment is so difficult for them. I think perhaps men look at responsibility in a more black and white way than women do. Part of being a woman, for me, is being accustomed to juggling my responsibilities and knowing that they change and evolve as I do. I don’t see having another person in my life as a responsibility, I see it as a gift. And I don’t need to be threatened with losing someone to realize it. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Abandoned Me. Should I Move On?

I’m 31 and had been in a very loving, fun, and supportive relationship with my guy for almost two years and living together for a little over a year. He started talking about marriage and getting engaged about a year into our relationship, and I was so excited at the prospect of being his partner for life. But months passed by, and it became clear that he was homesick for his family. Even though they’re only a two-hour plane ride away, he had been depressed for the last six months about being away from home, and told me that if we married, it would mean he was choosing to never live in the same town as his family again. I told him I’d be happy as long as we were together, but he kept saying “I don’t think you’ll be happy there.” About a week ago when I came home from work, I found that he had moved out of the apartment we shared and had driven back to his home town to be with his family, and merely left a note! What kind of person does that sort of thing? To make matters worse, he called me once he arrived at his hometown and said (while sobbing uncontrollably) he wasn’t ready to break up and wanted a month to think about things. Part of me loves him so much that I want to give him the time he asked for. The rational side of me says, “This jerk abandoned you. Even if he wanted to work things out, are you really going to let him do this to you again?” I’m so torn. Should I just end it now and move on? — Shocked and Awed

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Is My Boyfriend Being Disloyal?”

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and we are deeply in love, but our relationship is far from perfect. He cheated on his ex to be with me and since then I have had trust issues which I am trying to work through. The problem is, my boyfriend has been invited to his ex’s friend’s 21st birthday party and I, on account of being the homewrecker, am not invited. My relationship with the party host is civil; she dated one of our friends and we see her occasionally at events. My issue is that, as a sign of loyalty, I think my boyfriend should not go to this event that I am actively being excluded from. I fear that he hasn’t made much of an effort to ask the host if I can attend, and my suspicion is that he really wants to go to see his ex and scope out her new boyfriend. I can’t see any other reason for him wanting to go because he’s not close with the host and knows next to no one going. I’m not afraid of him cheating on me because I know he is as devoted to me as I am to him; I’m just uncomfortable about the whole situation and wish he could see it from my point of view. He tells me he sees it as just another party but to me it is so much more. Am I overreacting? — The “Homewrecker”

Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: How He Knows He’s In A Relationship

When a man gets into a relationship, he’s usually the last to know.

Women fall in love, men slip on it. Women gently twirl down the rabbit hole of love like whirligigs, landing on their feet in a land of wonder. But for men, love is a sudden minor concussion. One moment, we’re strolling down the street like a Pharoah in no hurry, snapping our fingers, whistling a jaunty tune. Maybe we’re leaving the apartment of a recent conquest early in the morning. Women call this the “Walk of Shame.” But to the male species, it’s called the “I Just Got Laid Parade.” Or maybe we’re just walking over to the beer store, smugly satisfied with ourselves for not immediately texting some chick back. Because no one owns the male spirit – it’s like a bacon-scented wind. We’re wild game you can’t tame, oh yeah. Then an ambush of unwanted emotions happens. Love is a banana peel. We wake up on our backs with a throbbing skull, swatting away clouds of mosquito-sized hearts buzzing around.

At least women look before they leap. Keep reading »

I Was Engaged To A Man With Commitment Phobia

When I met the cute blue-eyed surfer who lived in my apartment building—we’ll call him Max—we clicked immediately. I’m a workaholic by nature, but I set aside my writing while he and I stayed up until dawn in fits of side-splitting giggles, thumbing through photo albums, playing music and talking—about everything. Politics, religion, sex—nothing was off limits. He even told me about his ex-girlfriend. She was eight years his senior and ready for marriage and a family. At 25, he wasn’t.
Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Should You Mercy-Kill A Dead-End Relationship?

Bad Band. Jew Joker. Sandwich. The Brute. AwwMike. Babycheese. My laundry list of discarded loves reads like a storyboard of comic book villains, each nickname a clue as to their respective fatal flaws. Anyone who knows me well knows I have a history of dating men who are wildly inappropriate for me. It’s been a quirk I myself was willing to accept, further proof of my fun-loving, devil-may-care spirit (this despite the days and weeks of sobbing and agonizing over wholly ridiculous relationships when they inevitably ended). Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Am I Just Being Crazy Jealous?”

I’m 25 and my husband is 23 and we have been married nine months, known each other for nearly five years, and dated for two before we got married. In the whole time I’ve known him, he has never done anything to make me not trust him: no weird texts and not a single white lie; I have never found anything he was hiding. But lately, I have been feeling a little uneasy about a girl he works with. He used to hang out with a certain group of people at work and then this new girl came into the group. She got transferred into a different department and now he wants to get into that department, too. She is going to an event this weekend — an event I used to go to every year and that my husband, in the five years I’ve known him, had no interest in at all — but now he wants to know “if I want to go.” One day I stayed home from work and we made plans to go to lunch, but he decided that, instead, we were going with the work friends, including her, and I got angry after I realized we weren’t doing what we had planned. He turned the car around halfway to lunch with his friends and brought me back home and left me there a crying mess, letting me know, “I was just being a bitch and he wasn’t going to let me just have my way.” Am I just being crazy, jealous and insecure? The nagging feeling won’t go away. — Nervous Newlywed

Keep reading »