This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.
So I’ve been a friend of this good guy for over 10 years. We’ve always had sexual tension, but I never really gave a thought to it nor did I think we were going to act on it. On a total random drunken night, we had sex. So we decided to go on a date, and it really was no different from any other time we’ve hung out. He said stupid things to me all night like “You’re my dream girl,” and to be honest, I loved it and had a great time. I didn’t realized how much I actually like this guy, until one day – he just stopped calling. He’d make plans, and cancel last minute, which is unlike him. We’ve always been close, and I’ve known FOR YEARS that he is a commitment-phobe. All the years that we’ve been friends, he’s never had a single date. Is this guy genuinely scared of me/relationships or did I just get played by the player-of-all-players? — Alisa
You did not get played. You got “manned.”
Let me tell you something about men. Their deepest, darkest fear is being trapped. It’s constant. They fear it even when there are no traps in sight. Put a man in a wide-open emotional space, with nothing but happy meadows and tweeting birds for miles around, and he’ll still be terrified of some girl popping up yelling, “I’m pregnant and it’s yours!” Keep reading »
Some women shy away from divorced guys, but I’m grateful my new boyfriend is divorced—or at least, on the way there (he is at the end of the process, in the final stages of paperwork). This is not a situation where someone says they’re getting divorced but is really just having an affair. They’ve been living apart for two years, and I would barely know he’s divorced except that it came up on our first date, one that neither of us knew was a date until the end. “Never get married,” he told me half-jokingly as he described the saga of the paperwork, and I smiled, because I have no plans to. When we started dating more seriously, I realized pretty quickly that I had nothing to feel threatened about, and that in fact, I was reaping the benefits of his divorce. Keep reading »
You just enjoyed some great sexytime with a guy you’re really, really into. He isn’t hurriedly getting dressed and running out of the door while making embarrassed excuses. Instead, he is soundly asleep next to you, as quiet and comfortable as a baby. Perhaps he is even holding you in his arms. Does this mean that he will stick around in the long-run? Eh, actually, Michigan researchers believe that men may fall asleep after sex to avoid commitment talks, but don’t worry ladies — they’re only doing it for us! Keep reading »
My lady friend asked me if I thought it was “absurd” to want to be monogamous with someone and I immediately told her that I did not think it was absurd. It’s absurd to want to be monogamous with a rhinoceros or a pineapple. Especially pineapples, because they are the sluttiest fruit. But I do think that wanting or expecting monogamy is unnatural. Keep reading »
Can you see yourself with him forever? I asked myself just, oh, the other day.Yes. Yes I can. I had asked this question of myself a few months ago too, but about someone else. The answer was the same. And about six months before that. Same question, same answer. Did I mention I’m currently single?
This week, I read Dater X’s latest column with great interest. The idea that maybe we should be asking ourselves bigger questions — “Can I see myself marrying/spending my life with this person?” — about the people we date is not a foreign concept to me. I ask myself that question almost right away with nearly every single person I date; and, with a few exceptions, my subconscious usually answers “yes.” At least at first. Keep reading »
One of the most frequently asked questions in the world of dating has got to be “If they’re not your significant other, than what the hell are they?” Well, pre-exclusive relationships (or PXRs) don’t have to be a frustrating grey area anymore. Here’s a handy guide to the 9 most common types of PXRs, all converted into abbreviations for easy texting. Keep reading »
So, you know, I have a boyfriend now. It’s pretty awesome. I’m psyched. I’m happy. I must be radiating blissfully coupled up vibes into the stratosphere because in the last two days, three dudes with whom I have had serious romantic feelings for, hooked up with and/or dated have come out of the woodwork after a lengthy absence and have tried to bark up my tree. It’s like Cupid’s Evil Cousin whispered in their ears, “Amelia is happy, fulfilled, and no longer interested in dating or DTF — don’t you suddenly want to give her a shout?” Keep reading »
When I first met my husband Noah ten years ago, if you had met me, you would have thought to yourself, “Now here is a smart woman. She’s getting her M.B.A, great job, confident. Here is a woman with tons of self esteem.” And you would have been right. That was all true. Which is why what I am about to tell you is even more shocking.
By our third date, Noah was so taken aback by my big reactions towards his small acts of kindness, that he felt compelled to take me by the hands and say to me, “Christine, I don’t know what is going to happen between the two of us, but regardless, you have to raise your standards for men. You can’t like a man because he is nice to you. He is SUPPOSED to be nice to you!” Keep reading »