“Guys, do you want to know a secret? You don’t have to be funny in order to attract us. Believe us, between your scalps and your calves, you’ve already got us. Your narrow, decrescendoing hips, and your soft, very hairy thighs leave us breathless. The truth is, there is no evolutionary cause for you to have to be funny. And precisely because your ancestors, and your ancestors’ grandparents, and your ancestors’ grandparents’ grandparents, and so on and so on, had no procreative need to cultivate a sense of humor and performance, you literally do not have it in your DNA.”
– “The Office’s” Ellie Kemper takes every assumption that women aren’t funny — and don’t need to be because they’re sexy‚ and tosses it on it’s head to great effect (and some befuddlement in certain commenters). That’s just a small snippet of her entire GQ essay. Take a break from your day and have a chuckle courtesy of this very funny lady. [GQ]
Louis C.K. fans like myself groaned after the whole Daniel Tosh rape joke incident so we’re relieved it was a misunderstanding and that C.K. is at least slightly more feminist-minded. In an article at Slate, David Haglund writes about Louis C.K.’s new HBO special, which includes what some people are calling C.K.’s “feminist rape joke“:
Halfway through the new special, C.K. starts talking about how dating is an act of bravery for all involved. “The male courage, traditionally speaking, is that he decided to ask” a woman out. (Note the careful caveat, “traditionally speaking.”) And if the woman says yes, “that’s her courage.” That kind of courage, he says, is beyond his imagining. “How do women still go out with guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women.” A moment later he adds, speaking for all men, “You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.”
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We anthropomorphize animals, so it makes sense that we’d anthropomorphize websites, too. And as someone who spends approximately 1,340,000 hours online every day, I can wholly appreciate the spot-on human representations of these sites. I mean, of course Facebook would change her outfit, like, a zillion times a day. And Twitter would just ramble on about the most inconsequential stuff. And yup, Kickstarter would be super, duper annoying and WebMD would diagnose an illness that you didn’t ever have. [Cracked]
Debra Messing is a little bit of a gay icon (what’s up “Will & Grace” and “Smash”), so it makes perfect sense that comedy genius Billy Eichner would take Messing on a wild gay romp for his most recent episode of “Billy on the Street.” Where do they eventually find the gays? At the Mac store, of course. [YouTube]
Almie Rose knows a thing or two about a thing or two. In this installment, Almie dissects the finer points of how to deal when you’re depressed. Or, maybe, how not to deal. In any case, it’s always a good idea to make videos with your pets.
Get a load of this new “comedy music video” from some guy named DJ Lubel. It features a cornucopia of has-beens and never-weres, singing a rather mysogynist and racist song about how the women of Los Angeles never put out. It’s really, really charming. I mean, the video starts off with a guy telling his friends that he once got laid by “telling the bitch I was Chris Brown,” and then it goes downhill — yes, downhill — from there. Keep reading »
How do I love “Community”? Let me count the ways. There’s Abed and Troy’s Inspector Spacetime hijinks, Jeff Winger’s sassy bon mots, and Annie’s pervasive neuroses. Britta’s awful “therapizing” and Chang’s scheming. “Community” is one of the best-written, funniest shows that nobody watches, and after a terribly long hiatus, it’s back, Thursday February 7. and we will definitely be watching — especially if it involves ridiculously outlandish popcorn pranks like this.
I like to think of myself as a very refined person with very refined tastes. Sure, I watch reruns of “Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami” on the treadmill, and you may find the errant Rihanna hit on my iPod. I also enjoy a Mike’s Hard Lemonade from time to time, and have a hard time cutting an apple. But besides all that stuff, I am an intellectual, a sophisticate, an epicurean, and a scholar. Yep. All of those. Which is exactly why I am so disgustingly ashamed by how much I enjoy the comedic stylings (if you could call it that) of Andy Milonakis, the former star of MTV’s “The Andy Milonakis Show,” who is instantly recognizable due in part to a growth-hormone condition that renders him forever 12. Aside from being one third of hip-hop group ¡Three Loco! alongside RiFF RaFF and Dirt Nasty, Milonakis is the host of a new web series, a cooking show called “Makeshift Gourmet.” The first installment chronicles Andy as he puts a high-end spin on Hamburger Helper using “elevated ingredients,” and better still, the weirdness of it all is punctuated by the appearance of a giggly, sunglasses-clad David Arquette, who eats raw Wagyu beef before participating in a “beef slap.” God love ya, Andy. And David, too. [Huffington Post]