Tag Archives: cohabiting

Make It Stop: “My Sister’s Boyfriend Moved In With Us And It’s Ruining Our Relationship”

Make It Stop: "My Sister's Boyfriend Moved In With Us And It's Ruining Our Relationship"
I read Jessica Wakeman’s piece, “True Story: Married…With A Roommate,” and I totally related to it. Except in my case, I’m the roommate who lives with a couple and it’s not my best friend who’s shacking up with a dude, it’s my younger sister letting her deadbeat boyfriend stay at the apartment we share. While Jessica talked with regret about how the strain of the living situation ended their friendship, I don’t want the same fate with my sister, who I’ll call Polly. She’s been dating Derek for eight months, six of which he’s been at our place. He’s in a band so he should be on tour a good portion of the year, but the band is recording so he’s been crashing with us non-stop. He’s a nice guy, I guess, but unlike Jessica’s husband, he doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t contribute to the bills, and is always here. Every time I ask Polly when Derek’s planning on leaving she says she doesn’t know, but it should be soon. I’m at my limit with this guy! I want him gone, but I’m afraid if I put my foot down and kick him out it will create a rift with my sister which sucks because our relationship is already strained due to this. How do I make Derek and his freeloading ass stop while at the same time repairing my relationship with my sister?

Yes, Polly’s being immature by letting this situation drag on, but don’t use it as an excuse to lose your cool. It sucks that he’s crashing at your place without contributing, but it’s not like he’s putting you in any danger or causing you harm. He’s just an unpleasant inconvenience. Most likely he’s puttering around the joint in socks with holes in the toes, checking Instagram on his old-ass iPhone with a cracked screen and trying to stream “The Wire” on a shitty laptop using his parents’ HBOGo account. Sure every stray hair of his in the bathroom shower makes you want to strangle him with his unwashed skinny jeans, but try to resist for now. Keep reading »

True Story: Married … With A Roommate

True Story: Married ... With A Roommate

New York City real estate causes many a housing arrangement made in desperation. If you live in NYC (or, for that matter, any city with insanely high rents), you likely know a few 30-somethings who still live with roommates or someone whose “convertible bedroom” is actually the living room with a room divider. The city is pockmarked with couples who moved in together more quickly than they would or should have, all citing the same very good reason: “It doesn’t make sense to pay two rents when he’s here all the time anyway.”

I had a shitty housing arrangement horror story in my mid-20s and hoped that would be my last. But then I wed a recent immigrant who needed a permit to work, a green card, and a job. Thus I found myself newly married and living with a roommate. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: Trusting A Feeling, Taking A Leap

Life After Dating: Trusting A Feeling, Take A Leap
After The Move-In...
...couples should stop doing these 20 things! Read More »

My boyfriend and I moved in together last July. At the time, we had been dating for just shy of six months.

If a friend had planned to do what I did, and had asked me for advice, I would have told her that it was too soon. “What’s the rush?” I would have said. “Moving in together this early is frankly insane,” I would probably have added.

And I don’t disagree with my friend-self. I have never been a risk-taker; in fact, I’ve always been very averse to change. I had never even come close to living with a boyfriend, although I did have a few year-plus-long relationships. My less than adventurous personality is also what kept me in Boston, my hometown, for almost five years after graduating college. Why would I leave when my friends and family were there? I didn’t understand why people kept moving away from our safe cocoon. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: My Relationship Works Because We Ignore Each Other Half The Time

Life After Dating: My Relationship Works Because We Ignore Each Other Half The Time

I met Michael six months after I left my previous relationship and was, I think, understandably not eager to get into anything super-committed. It turned out I had good reason to be wary: I was still trying to figure out my sense of what “myself” or “Rebecca” was as an individual after being in a relationship that required me to defer to being one-half of a couple, not one whole person in a partnership with another whole person. The baggage weighed on me and made me scared of what the relationship would ask of me. Michael and I broke up twice. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: The Case For Living Separately

Life After Dating: The Case For Living Separately
Don't Cohabitate!
John DeVore doesn't believe in living together. Read More »

My boyfriend Max and I don’t live together, but since it takes about two minutes to walk from my place to his, I sometimes feel like we do. When I first started thinking about moving to his neighborhood, the idea had been to move in with him (we’ve been together two years), but when an apartment nearby became available at a freakishly good deal for the area, it was too awesome to pass up. He’s lived in the same apartment for years, and I’ve grown to see it as a home away from home, so that’s where we spend most of our time, but now I also have a cozy little place to call my own as well. In the past, when our houses were a long subway ride apart, we’d spend longer stretches of time at one another’s place to avoid the commute, so these days, we actually tend to see each other less than before. Our little in-between setup gives us a lot of opportunity to see what kinds of hurdles we might come up against if we did share the same address. These past few months, we’ve learned more than ever about our own habits and about how to compromise to create a happier environment. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “My Boyfriend Is Suddenly Being Weird About Moving In Together”

Ask A Married Guy: "My Boyfriend Is Suddenly Being Weird About Moving In Together"

I’m confused about whether or not I should move in with my boyfriend of about a year.  We are both in our twenties. For the past year, I’ve been living with roommates. During that time, he would frequently invite me over to his place, a house with a big yard, and then invite me to stay the night.  He would do this almost every night and feel very happy about it, even proudly joking he had successfully “stolen” me from my roommates once again. He always talked about me moving in. Even when I tried to find other roommates, he would always insist I just move in with him.

But when my roommates moved out a month before the lease expired, his story changed.  Now that it’s just me, he never “steals” me, and if I go to his place he is sure to bring me back to my place so we can sleep separately. Now he says he’d prefer for us both to have our own separate places.  I can’t afford to live on my own in this city without roommates, plus I very much prefer to live with other people. Living alone feels unnatural, uncomfortable and unsafe to me.

My lease expires soon, and I wasn’t searching for other roommates very seriously as I was spending most of my time with him, and up until a few weeks ago, he was insisting I live with him. Why did he only want me when I was living with other people?  What is going on in his head?  I feel trapped. – S.

It boils down to this: there’s a difference between what people say, and what people do. Keep reading »

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