Tag Archives: codependency

Dear Wendy: “Hot For Doc” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” in which people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Hot For Doc,” whose letter to me first appeared in one of my “Shortcuts” columns. She was involved with a guy — a hot doctor — she called a “functioning alcoholic,” whose daily consumption of booze and pills “frightened her.” He wouldn’t walk the dog around the block after drinking for fear of being seen by his neighbors, and his boozing was even affecting the couple’s sex life since he “usually passes out before they can even get started.” Her friends were telling her to walk away, but she blamed co-dependency issues on her inability to leave him. So, have things changed since she saw my advice and reader comments to her? Did she finally get up the gumption to walk away? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Won’t Cut The Apron Strings”

I would like to move in with my boyfriend, but I have a real problem with his mother — she shows up at his house all the time without calling, is very intrusive, always dominates the conversation and is generally annoying. She and my boyfriend are very close, even though they don’t have the best relationship — there are no boundaries and explosive fights are the norm. After those insane fights, I have to clean up the mess by listening to my boyfriend vent about how annoying she is, how she’s ruined his life, how she can’t be controlled, how she’s insane, etc. It gets exhausting. Even though she helped my boyfriend buy his house, I can’t take her showing up unannounced continually and puttering around with things in the place. He has said he will talk to her about respecting the fact that I will be paying rent to live there, but I’m not sure it will have any effect. He has admitted many times that there’s no talking to her and that she just does what she wants. I’m used to space and privacy, and can’t have a mother-in-law figure continuously hovering around. I do feel bad for her and respect her and her son’s relationship and don’t want to jeopardize it. He is the focal point of her entire life and has been since he was born. She and my boyfriend’s dad had a horrendous divorce and to this day (about 30 years later) she continues to bash him. These days she’s single, does not speak to her family (except her son), and has few friends. How can I lay down what I want in my living arrangements without being demanding? Should I just take my boyfriend at his word — that she can’t be talked to — and not move in with him and eventually find someone new? — Confused

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