Sure, more than 20 million people visit an online dating site every month, but how many do you actually want to meet? And then after you do come face to face with the few you deem worthy, how many of those do you want to keep seeing? If your experience is anything like mine, you know that the second number is small—heck, it might even be zero. So, after you’ve gone out with someone you’d rather not have to feign interest in, you have a couple choices.

It’s sad, but true: If you’re out and about, looks are probably the most important factor when it comes to attracting people. If you see a not-so-hot guy, there’s a good chance you’re not going to go over and strike up a conversation. In the online dating world, appearances are important, but it’s often difficult to tell whether people are attractive from their pictures—strategic camera angles can do wonders. What really makes me want to get to know and meet a guy is if he gives good email, and I think they feel the same way.

I think (and desperately, desperately hope) that all single people encounter dry spells. I don’t mean dry spells during which you get no physical love. I mean dry spells during which members of the opposite sex refuse to talk to you. Maybe their schedules are too packed watching March Madness games, or perhaps they’re feeling unattractive because they’ve developed a layer of fat to keep warm during the winter months, but for whatever reason, girls don’t exist.

The last two months were a dry spell for me. During the 61 days that made up April and May, exactly zero people took any interest in my online dating profile. A handful of men looked at my page, but no one winked at me and no one messaged me. I’m not even sure how this is statistically possible—right now there are 856 people “online now” in my area, according to the site—but during that time I was viewed as a communicative disease in the online dating world. I don’t put much stock into horoscopes, however, mine sucked during those two months, so maybe the stars are to blame.

Online dating is not just winks and flirty emails. Some dates are so full of halting conversation they would best be portrayed in silent-movie form. This is the story of one such bad date. After emailing back and forth a few times, N. and I decide to get a drink. We agree to meet at the corner of a busy intersection, for reasons I don’t remember.

Have you ever wondered what your friends really think of you? Let them pick out your dates, and you’ll know instantly.

I’ve been online dating for about three months. And just as frequenting a bar means you’re bound to run into guys you’ve already exchanged numbers or spit with, so does browsing through profiles over and over again (my preferred search method is looking at the “Online Now” section). In an effort to mix things up, and hopefully meet some new people, I had my boss Amelia and best friend Nathan sift through the profiles for me. The rules: They could browse as much as they wanted but could only “wink” at three people. I would wait and see who responded, and, hopefully, go out with whomever contacted me and seemed normal.

A couple months ago, I came home from work one evening and suddenly decided to sign up for online dating. Without telling or consulting anyone—I didn’t want to lose my nerve—I hastily chose a screen name, uploaded the first picture I found, and wrote some random blurbs. In my refrigerator one will find…beer, milk, eggs, and jelly. Twenty-five years from now I see myself…having a few wrinkles, mostly from laughing.

Looking back, I realize I probably should have had a friend edit my profile, filter my personality, and help me pick a photo, but I got 40 “winks” in the first 30 days, so I figured I couldn’t have done that bad a job. Then Leslie Oren, author of Fine, I’ll Go Online!: The Hollywood Publicist’s Guide to Successful Internet Dating, took a look.